


The End of All Things

by theworldofshipping



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Extremely cheesy and dramatic, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, John Being an Asshole, M/M, Maybe angst, My First Destiel Fanfic, Self-Harm, Smut, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-02-10 21:28:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 55,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2040852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theworldofshipping/pseuds/theworldofshipping
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester likes to keep people at arms length. They're safer that way and so is he. The only person that he lets close to him is his younger brother, Sam, who Dean believes is his responsibility. Dean has even resorted to bullying in the past, just to keep people from even wanting to be around him, because he believes all he does is hurt the people around him. Although, sometimes he'll let a girl into his bed, just to make sure he can still feel something.</p><p>Castiel Novak has manic depression, social anxiety, and a serious hatred for the world outside of his art work. So, of course, moving to a new town is the second worst thing to ever happen to him, right after the untimely death of his mother. It's not that Cas doesn't like people, he just doesn't have the courage to get close to them. He freaks out and shuts down and says all the wrong things. But, it's also that he doesn't like people. He's been ridiculed his whole life for being gay and it's left him with a severe distrust for the rest of the human race.</p><p>But, when their paths cross, they slip through each other's walls with the ease and simplicity of those who have known each other since birth and a whirlwind of confusing emotions and passion ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Tour With Castle

**Author's Note:**

> This fan fiction was inspired by an intense love for High school AUs, but I know how those can be predictable and tiresome, so I did my best to make fresh and original. This is my first fan fiction pertaining to Destiel as well, so if I do it a great injustice, feel free to let me know. In fact, all kinds of input is welcomed and encouraged! I love to get feedback on my work, because it helps me grow as an author and hone my skill for future references. Also, in this fan fiction, Sam and Dean are a little bit closer in age. Sam is a freshman in high school and Dean and Cas are seniors. Please enjoy! Thanks and I love you! 
> 
> P.S. Don't read this fic strictly for Sabriel, because it is BARELY visible okay?? You have to kind of squint and tilt your head just right...so yeah.

Dean sat at the back of the classroom, feet spread out underneath the desk as he slouched in his seat with his arms folded. It appeared to be just another normal day at Westover High School; 8:15 and Mr. Hood was still sitting at his desk riffling worriedly through his messy papers trying to find the day’s lesson plan. Even Dean’s room looked more organized than anything Mr. Hood ever did, which was saying something, because Dean cleaned his room about once every two years.

Suddenly, there was a soft set of knocks to the classroom door and Mr. Hood just about jumped out of his seat in surprise. He pushed the circular glasses up the bridge of his bulbous nose and stared at the door in confusion before rising and shuffling over. Mr. Hood was a short guy with a rotund stomach and about three brown colored hairs on the top of his head. His eyes were about the size of a small planet and extremely deep brown. He was just a funny looking man and Dean often subtly teased him about it. In fact, Dean was in the process of formulating a great one-liner that would have the class howling with laughter when Mr. Hood pulled the door open. Whatever Dean had been about to say flew from his head, because the person behind the door had not been at all what he was expecting. The boy was kind of too perfect to be real with brown sex hair, wide deep blue eyes, and skin a few shades shy of being extremely tan. The boy frowned a little in this strangely adorable way and cocked his head to the side in clear confusion.

“Is this Mr. Hood’s psychology class?” the boy inquired in a tone that clearly conveyed his opinion on the man; Mr. Hood looked unfit to teach a class. The boy’s voice was also surprisingly deep, startling Dean enough to raise his eyebrows.

“Oh, uh, yes,” Mr. Hood said in his shaky, kind of nasally voice. “You must be the new student they told me about. Please, come in.” The boy nodded and brushed past the teacher, coming to a stop at the front of the class and surveying the room with a near expressionless gaze.

“Go ahead, introduce yourself to the class,” Mr. Hood told him, sitting back down in his swivel chair. The new kid frowned at the teacher as though he were inept and then sighed and looked back to the class.

“My name is Castiel Novak and I just moved here from Haven, Texas for my father’s work,” he stated and Dean snorted.

“That’s an interesting name,” he grumbled, smirking. Castiel’s eyes flickered to Dean’s and he tilted his head to the side again, as though Dean were a test subject he couldn’t quite understand. Dean couldn’t help but to notice just how blue his eyes really were…They had an intense moment of just staring at each other; Castiel looking like he was trying to understand Dean and Dean looking slightly uncomfortable.

“Well then, Dean,” said Mr. Hood and he ripped his gaze away from the new kid to glare at the teacher. “Since you find him so interesting, you can be the one to show him around school today.” Now they were both glaring at the teacher.

“Excuse me?” Dean demanded, giving Mr. Hood a chance to rethink what he’d said. Mr. Hood looked up from riffling through his papers to give Dean the harshest look he could manage, what with being so short.

“You heard me, Mr. Winchester. You’re to escort him to all his classes today and tomorrow. I’ll be letting the office know that’s your job too, so they know who to blame if Castiel doesn’t make it to his classes.” Dean rolled his eyes and tilted his head back in exasperation.

“Great…just peachy…,” he grumbled and raised his head to watch Castiel make his way over to the only free desk….directly in front of him. People typically left that seat unoccupied, because Dean liked to have somewhere to put his virtually empty backpack besides the dirty floor. Castiel didn’t wait for him to move the bag either, he just picked it up and plopped it onto Dean’s desk without meeting his gaze. Dean stared at him for a second; unable to comprehend how someone could be so stupid. It took him a moment of deep breaths and chanting to himself about how Castiel was new, but he finally managed to contain his angry words. Most people at the school knew to treat Dean with more respect than was usually necessary for a human being to give to another, but Castiel didn’t know that yet. Dean guessed he would have to teach him that on their tour today.

+++

Class sped along a lot faster than Cas would have preferred and he knew it was probably because he was dreading his tour with Dean. Cas had never been particularly good with people; in fact, there were few he talked to outside of his family. So, of course he would be dreading forced human interaction, especially with someone as rude as Dean Winchester appeared to be.

When the bell finally rang for the end of class, Castiel took his time to organize his things back into his bag.

“Chop, chop, Castle. I haven’t got all day,” Dean said suddenly, stepping into Cas’ field of vision. Cas looked up at him and frowned. He had some snarky remark in mind, but upon meeting Dean’s gaze, he was caught up in how _green_ his eyes were. The only time he’d seen eyes so green were in his paintings…because he was a sucker for green eyes. The snarky remark flew from his mind and he found himself saying something completely lame.

“It’s Castiel, not Castle,” he corrected slowly and Dean rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, just hurry up,” he said and stalked towards the door, his book bag thrown over one shoulder and his opposite hand shoved into his pocket. He stared after Dean for a moment and then sighed, standing and tossing his backpack over his shoulder as he walked towards the door.

At first, Castiel thought Dean had become impatient and left despite the teachers orders, but he then noticed him leaning against the wall across the hall, smiling and talking to a blond girl with a perky pony tail. Castiel frowned and marched over.

“We are going to be late for class,” he said and both Dean and the blonde jumped, looking at him in surprise.

“Damn, you came outta nowhere!” Dean hissed, shaking his head and staring at Castiel like he were some deranged monkey. Castiel didn’t respond, only stared at him expectantly. Dean stared back for a moment and then blinked and looked back to the blonde.

“I’ll talk to you later, Becca,” he said with a wink and she smiled, twirling her hair around her finger.

“Talk to you later, Dean…,” she murmured. Castiel decided they were flirting and huffed, turning and walking away.

“Whoa, wait up!” Dean called after him and Castiel turned to raise an eyebrow at him as he jogged to catch up.

“You can’t just go running off like that man, I don’t even know which class I’m supposed to be taking you to,” Dean snapped and Castiel just shook his head, pulling out his schedule that he’d folded up and shoved into his back pocket. He handed it to Dean who studied it cryptically.

“Dude, you’re like a mini freaking Stephen Hawking! You’re in all AP and Honors courses!”

 _Mini?_ Castiel thought, frowning. The term seemed strangely demeaning. _I’m not_ that _short;_ he grumbled to himself and then took a deep breath, still frowning at Dean.

“Thank…you….?” Castiel said uncertainly. Dean glanced up at Castiel and grinned mischievously, throwing an arm around his shoulder and steering him off down the hallway.

“Listen, Cas. Can I call you Cas” Dean began and Castiel shrugged.

“Most people do.”

“Good, okay, so listen. I think you and I would make a fabulous team. You see, I don’t have the time or the patience for homework and you…well, you seem like one of those guys who has too much free time and too much smarts than he knows what to do with.”

“I will not do your homework for you, Dean,” Cas snapped and shrugged Dean’s arm off of him. He didn’t like how tingly it made him feel and he certainly didn’t like Dean using him.

“Aw, c’mon man! It’s not like you have anything better to do!”

“How do you know that?” Cas demanded and Dean rolled his eyes.

“Alright, name one thing you do in your free time other than smart shit.” Cas considered this a moment and almost mentioned painting and sketching, but he wasn’t sure if that counted as ‘smart shit’ or not, so he took the safer bet.

“I box,” he said and Dean blinked, strolling to a stop. Cas stopped as well and stared at Dean’s shocked expression in confusion.

“You box?” Dean asked incredulously.

“Yes.”

“For how long?”

“Since I was ten?”

“Do you go to like matches and stuff?”

“I…I wasn’t allowed to back home...”

“You gonna join the school team?”

“No, I still don’t think I’m allowed…”

“That’s a shame….might would save you from attempted bullying’s. Why aren’t you allowed to compete anyways?” Cas flushed and looked away awkwardly, rubbing his neck.

“I, uh….I hit too hard…,” he muttered and Dean laughed, much to Cas’ surprise.

“Dude, you’re a badass in disguise!”

“What about you? What do you do in your free time?” Cas asked as they began to walk down the hall again.

“Um, well, I’m on the lacrosse team. So, I mostly practice with that.”

“We didn’t have a lacrosse team in Haven,” Castiel admitted and Dean’s eyes widened.

“So you’ve never seen a game before then?!” Cas shook his head.

“Oh, you gotta come to the game this Friday!”

“I’ll try and make it,” Castiel agreed, although he wasn’t sure if he wanted to make it or not.

“You better make it, or I’ll beat you up; badass or not,” Dean warned and came to a stop in front of a classroom just as the warning bell rang.

“I’ve made you late!” Cas cried, mortified with himself. Dean just laughed and lifted a shoulder casually.

“I’d have been late anyways, I always am.”

Cas thought that was a funny thing for him to say, because Dean wasn’t late to meeting him after any of his classes.

+++

By the time lunch time rolled around, Dean was stressing out. He’d accidently grown to kind of sort of a little bit like Cas and he didn’t want him to sit by himself, but Lord knows Cas couldn’t sit with the lacrosse team. And then, of course, Dean couldn’t _not_ sit with the lacrosse team. He was at an impasse.

“So…,” he began as soon as Cas exited his third block class for lunch. “Have you made any friends?”

“No,” Castiel said flatly and Dean’s stomach dropped. He’d hoped Cas would have met someone to sit with.

“What, you don’t know how to talk to people?”

“No,” Cas said simply for the second time.

“Okay, seriously man, it’s not that hard. Just freaking say hi to the friendliest person you can find.” Cas didn’t respond for a moment and then he looked up at Dean and said;

“Hi.” Dean snorted and glared at the people in front of him as they shuffled down the hall.

“I’m definitely not the friendliest person you could talk to right now,” Dean retorted and Cas shrugged.

“You’re the only person I feel comfortable talking to right now.” There was another long pause and then Dean noticed someone up ahead he knew very well. He snapped his fingers and grabbed Castiel’s shoulders.

“Why didn’t I think of this before!? You can sit with Sam!” he cried and then jogged off down the hall.

“Oi! Sammy!” Dean called down the hall with Cas on his heels. A boy up ahead turned and frowned at his older brother. He had long brown hair and intelligent hazel eyes and was incredibly tall. Dean came to a stop in front of him and grinned.

“Sammy, this is Castiel. Cas, this is my younger brother, Sam.” Sam raised an eyebrow at his brother and then smiled at Castiel, holding out a hand.

“Hey, it’s nice to meet you,” he said and Cas stared at his hand for a moment before shaking it hesitantly.

“It’s nice to meet you as well,” he said in his surprisingly deep voice. Dean grinned happily, letting himself believe that they were getting along marvelously.

“So, Sammy, can he sit with you and the Nerd Herd today?” he asked excitedly, knowing his brother wouldn’t turn Castiel down, he was too nice for that. Sam made a disgruntled face at him.

“I told you not to call us that, but yeah, Cas can sit with us,” he agreed and Dean’s grin widened. Castiel, however, was not so excited. He frowned at Dean and tilted his head to the side like he did when he was confused or curious.

“You won’t be sitting with us?” he inquired. Dean’s smile faded a little and he shrugged nonchalantly.

“Nah, I have to sit with the lacrosse team, but don’t worry; Sammy will take good care of you.” Castiel glanced to Sam again, who smiled encouragingly, and nodded.

“I’ll meet you at the door to the cafeteria when lunch is over, alright?” Dean said and clapped him on the shoulder. Castiel nodded and Sam gestured for him to follow, leading him off towards the cafeteria.

During lunch, Dean seemed unable to keep his eyes away from his brother’s table that day. He didn’t join into the usual banter of his team and only popped a French fry into his mouth every now and then, otherwise ignoring his food. Castiel seemed to be in deep conversation with the cute, Nerd Herd girl, Jess who happened to be Sammy’s best friend. It made Dean frown for a reason he didn’t quite understand. Castiel smiled at something she said and Dean sat up straighter, eyebrows shooting up. He hadn’t really seen Cas smile since they’d met and it was an amazing improvement on his face. Not that he wasn’t cute before, but now he was downright adorable.

Dean probably would have stared all day if one of his team mates, Tony, hadn’t hit him with a French fry.

“Hey, Winchester, what are you staring at?” he called and Dean flinched away from the offending food, looking back to his friend with a glare.

“The new kid, Novak,” he admitted and popped another French fry into his mouth. Tony frowned at him.

“What for?”

“I dunno, he’s just a little strange, that’s all.”

“Oh, yeah, I heard you had to show him around,” Tony said, grinning at him and Dean rolled his eyes.

“Yeah and he’s a real nerd. He’s in all AP and Honors courses, but he also apparently boxes. And, he like, never smiles or laughs at any of my jokes, which is just weird.”

“Dude, he boxes?!” Tony cried incredulously and Dean nodded.

“Yeah, but he can’t compete or anything, cause he punches too hard.” Tony blinked in surprise and glanced at the table that Cas was sitting at. Castiel was staring at their table now…no, at Dean, with an unfathomable gaze.

“What’s he looking at?” Dean glanced back and smiled a little, waving. Castiel frowned, but held his hand up in a tiny wave.

“I have no idea,” Dean admitted. What he didn’t admit, was that he was kind of glad Castiel was staring.


	2. Questions, Answers, and Boxing Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is a hustler. Castiel is a super hero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! I'm sorry to all of you who care - all two of you - for taking so long to update. I had somewhat of a confidence crisis and didn't think this fan fiction was adequet enough to continue updating. I already have the whole thing written out and I'm still not entirely sure that I like it very much, but I was encouraged to update so here is chapter two! I hope that you enjoy it! Leave some kudos if you're up for it!

Dean was lying on the hood of his car when Sam found him, one arm thrown across his forehead and the other resting on his stomach.

“So, Castiel is pretty nice,” Sam said and sat next to his brother on the Impala, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. Dean opened one eyes to stare at his brother suspiciously.

“Yeah…he’s alright…,” he agreed hesitantly, closing his eye again.

“He’s very interested in you.” Dean opened his eyes again and propped himself up on his elbows, frowning over at his brother.

“Yeah and what does that mean?”

“He just asked a ton of questions about you.”

“Like what?” Sam inhaled deeply and puffed his cheeks out before letting the air back out slowly.

“Well, he wanted to know how long you’d played lacrosse, your position, what that position entails, if you’re any good, what your jersey number is, and then the other’s pitched in and told him of your reputation as a perpetual flirt and tendencies towards fights as well as a little bit of bullying. He seemed disappointed, but not surprised.” Dean frowned and looked away from his brother. For some reason, he didn’t like Cas knowing what he was like.

“So that’s it?” Dean asked and Sam shrugged.

“He asked if your eyes were natural.” Dean jerked his head around to frown at his brother with a shocked and confused gaze.

“What? He thought I wear contacts?”

“Your eyes are really green, Dean,” Sam said in defense of Cas. Dean considered this and then shrugged.

“So that’s all then?”

“Well…he asked if you were seeing anybody. So, Laura told him you were single, but not a virgin and that you flirt with anything that has boobs.” Dean snorted, but didn’t argue, because it wasn’t exactly wrong.

“What did he have to say to that?” Dean said, amusement lacing his voice.

“He…well…I dunno, he just got really quiet after that.” Dean nodded and then slid off the car, stretching his hands above his head and making a groaning-whining noise.

“Alright, well, let’s get home. I’m starving,” he said and circled around to his side of the car. Sam chuckled and walked around to his side, climbing in.

+++

Castiel walked out of the school after speaking with one of his teachers about an assignment he’d already done before, just in time to see Dean stretching in front of his car. Dean’s shirt rode up to reveal his perfectly carved abs and Cas averted his eyes immediately, walking to his car quickly.

At home, the house was completely empty, which made sense, because his dad had a job as a night doctor at the local hospital. But, it was still strange for Cas and he stood in the doorway, listening to the echoing silence. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the doorway for a moment. He then sighed and pushed off the door, dropping his book bag onto the couch and tossing his keys into the bowl on the kitchen counter. He tousled his hair around his head like he did every day when he got home. Keeping his hair even somewhat tame always proved to be a greater hardship than he thought it was worth most days.

He was able to grab a drink before the phone ringing interrupted his plan for a peaceful afternoon. Cas groaned and snatched up the phone, knowing exactly who it would be. They hadn’t been in town long enough to make friends that would call the house, so of course, it would be his dad.

“Hello?” he asked.

“Hey, kiddo! How was school?” he heard his father’s slightly distracted voice say. Cas sighed and leaned back against the counter.

“It was fine,” he murmured and took a swig of his drink.

“Did ya make any new friends?” Cas considered this a moment and wondered if Dean and Sam counted.

“No, not really.”

“Well, give it some time. I’m sure you’ll be making friends left and right in no time.”

“Yes, father, because I’ve always had so many friends,” Cas muttered blandly.

“Don’t throw your sarcasm at me, Castiel. I know you could make friends if you actually tried.”

“I’ve never been any good at trying with people, Dad. You know that.”

“You’re a good person, Cas, and so much like your mother. If you just break out of your shell, everyone would love you.” Castiel flinched and rubbed his fingers over a scar at the top of his head, a habit he’d picked up to distract from the pain.

“Yeah…maybe…,” he muttered, just so they could stop talking about it.

“Alright, well, I’ve gotta go, kid. I’ll see ya later.”

“Bye, dad.” He sighed and hung up, slamming the phone back down on the jack.

He spent a few hours flipping through stupid TV shows and trying his hardest not to get up. In the end, he lost the battle with himself and grabbed his iPod, headphones, and his duffle bag. Shoving the earbuds in and playing all his songs on shuffle, he headed towards the gym he’d gone to the day before. Since his mother had died, he was supposed to have quit boxing, but it was the only thing he could think to do to get rid of the anger inside of him.

He was walking down the street, contently minding his own business, when his music cut off before it transferred to the next song and the sound of a scuffle could be heard from an alleyway up ahead. Frowning, Cas paused his music and walked forward to see what was going on.

“Alright man, you won,” he heard a familiar voice say as he rounded the corner. Dean was there, being held up off his feet by a huge guy with an angry face. “I’ll give you the money back, just put me down, yeah?”

“You aren’t going anywhere and I’m not putting you down. You hustled me and I’m gonna make sure you don’t do it again,” the big angry dude snarled and Cas locked his jaw, stepping forward to stand behind Dean.

“No you’re not. You’re going to put him down and leave before I decide that I’m not actually feeling as generous as I thought,” Cas snarled and Dean struggled, trying to twist around and see him.

“Castiel?” he grumbled incredulously, but Cas ignored him for the time being, staring down the huge dude.

“Oh yeah? And what are you going to do to make me, little guy?” Cas raised an eyebrow at him.

“Either you can take your money back and leave or you can stay to find out and lose your money. Your choice, Goliath.” The man studied him for a moment and then snarled, shoving Dean into Cas’ arms. Without even asking, Cas reached into Dean’s pants pocket and pulled out his wallet.

“Whoa buddy, watch those hands,” Dean warned, but Cas just rolled his eyes.

“How much did he get from you?”

“500,” the man grumbled and Cas shook his head.

“Really Dean?”

“Hey, I was bored!” Cas rifled the money out and handed it over to the big dude, holding Dean up with only one arm. The man left without any other hassle and Dean gathered himself to his feet, stepping away from Cas who took the chance to study him. Dean had a cut on his temple and a busted lip, not to mention the blood dribbling from his nose. Dean stared back at him, his face slightly confused.

“Dean…,” Cas murmured, looking concerned.

“Are you stalking me?” Dean demanded and Cas blinked in shock.

“What? No! I was going to the gym and I heard the scuffle. I didn’t even know it was you at first.” Dean nodded and looked away. “That reminds me; they have medical supplies at the gym. Come with me,” he said and disappeared down the alleyway.

“Wait, whoa, I don’t need medical supplies.”

“Okay, Dean, whatever,” Cas said and smiled to himself as Dean continued to follow him.

“I’m only coming, because I want you to prove those boxing skills to me,” Dean snapped and Cas glanced at him smugly.

“Alright, I believe you, Dean. But, I’m not gonna box until you let me fix you up,” he warned and Dean sighed.

“Fine, okay.”

Castiel was feeling very good about himself when they arrived and Dean glared at him.

“Wipe that smug grin off your face, Novak,” he threatened and Cas nodded, doing his best to do so. He opened the door for Dean and then followed him inside.

“Head up the stairs and make yourself comfortable while I get the supplies,” he said and made his way over to the supply closet.

+++

Dean walked up the stairs and found himself in some sort of boxing room. There was a boxing rink in the center of the room and then there were punching bags lining the right side of the room. On the left side there was only a table and two doors that lead into male and female locker rooms.

“Huh…,” Dean mused and strolled over to the table, hopping up and taking a seat. He swung his legs back and forth and glanced around the room, trying to picture Cas in here beating the crap out of a punching bag with not much success. He could barely picture Cas being in the room at all and he was about to give up trying when Cas walked in, carrying supplies in his hands. Dean hadn’t noticed Cas’ hands were so big until then. He was suddenly thinking of exactly what those hands were capable of and it made him bit his lip to distract himself from those fantasies, frowning at his own train of thought.

“You picked a good place to sit,” Cas noted and came to a stop in front of him, setting the supplies down on the table along with his duffle bag. He studied Dean’s face and shook his head.

“I hear you get into fights a lot.” Dean shrugged and watched as Cas pulled out an antiseptic wipe.

“I dunno…I guess,” he murmured and Cas smirked, dabbing the wipe against the cut at Dean’s temple.

“Maybe you need an outlet. I could teach you boxing?” he offered, continuing to patch Dean up.

“Boxing sounds cool…,” he whispered and stared at Cas as he worked diligently. Dean once again noticed just how blue his eyes were, a daydream kind of blue. His fingers itched to run through Castiel’s hair. He was shocked at himself and clenched his hands into fists to fight off the urge. He kept chanting to himself that he’d just been hit one too many times on the head, but if he was being honest, he’d been having the urge off and on all day.

“Alright, then your first lesson is tonight. I’ll go get changed,” he said and smiled, walking into the locker room before Dean could protest. Grumbling to himself, Dean hopped off of the table and walked over to the rink. Sliding inside, he stepped into the center and spun in a slow circle.

“Wow…,” he muttered at the thought of Castiel’s focused face as he circled some other ripped guy in an intense match. He wondered what Cas looked like when he fought and how good he actually was. 7 years was a long time for someone to be boxing, so he imagined Cas was pretty good.

“In this corner, weighing 220 pounds is the very scrawny and short, Sam Winchester. And, in this corner, weighing 175 pounds we have Dean Winchester, badass supreme and undefeated king of the rink!” Dean grinned to himself and held up his fists the way he’d seen it done in the Rocky movies, pretending to punch and dodge punches from his opponent.

“You may wanna learn to box before you get into a match, Mr. Badass Supreme.” Dean jumped and whirled around to see Cas watching him in amusement, arms folded on one of the ropes with his chin resting on them. Dean tried his best to ignore the fact that Cas wasn’t wearing anything except a baggy pair of black basketball shorts. Dean fake laughed and rolled his eyes at his friend.

“Yeah, yeah. You gonna teach me or not?”

“If you get down from there, I might,” Cas said with a chuckle, walking over to his duffle bag and pulling out his white tape. Dean huffed and climbed out, walking over and watching as Cas attentively tapped up his hands. He once again had to try very hard to ignore the fact that Cas’ toned abs were completely exposed.

“Why do you have to do that?” Dean asked as Cas took his hands and tapped them up as well, only slower so Dean could see how to do it.

“It protects your wrists from injury. I once got really pissed and just wailed on the punching bag in my basement for an hour or so. Once the adrenaline wore off, I realized I’d broken my wrist somewhere in the mess of my anger,” he explained, smirking as though the memory were fond instead of painful.

“Tape it is then,” Dean agreed which made Cas smile. That pleased Dean a lot more than he liked to admit.

“I have an extra pair of bag gloves too,” Cas said as he finished up, turning and pulling out a pair. Dean had expected the gloves with the big circular part on it, but these gloves left his fingers exposed, which he was more comfortable with.

“In the movies they just wear tape when they’re practicing,” Dean protested and Cas smirked.

“Yeah and in the movies, kitchen condiments repel demons and wood kills vampires.”

“Oh, don’t be a smartass,” Dean grumbled and snatched up the gloves, shoving his hands into them. Cas shook his head, laughing lightly, and headed for the punching bags.

“Hey, aren’t you going to put some on?” Dean demanded.

“No, I’m teaching today, not training.” Dean pouted, but followed him over to the red bags that dangled from the ceiling. Cas positioned himself in front of one of the bags and held up his hands, showing Dean the correct stance. Dean studied him a moment and then attempted to copy him uncertainly.

“Uh…well…here,” Cas said and walked over, standing behind Dean and wrapping his arms around him to fix his hands. He used his feet to reposition Dean’s feet. Dean’s breath came a little faster and his skin tingled where Cas touched him. He found himself staring at the punching bag like his life depended on it. He could feel Castiel’s breath against his ear and he could have sworn he was breathing a little funny himself. But, before Dean could decide if he was right, Cas stepped away.

“There, that’s it,” he said, his voice a little uneasy.

Castiel and Dean spent hours going over different sets and styles and techniques. Cas kept looking for excuses to touch Dean, though there were few, and he tried to ignore how good it felt to spend time with him. Dean sometimes zoned out when it came to what Cas was saying and just watched the way his muscles moved as he slammed his fists into the bag. He had surprisingly big biceps that stood out when he was hitting the bag at full force. It turned out that when Dean focused on Cas’ body, he caught on to what he needed to do faster. He really liked the proud look in Castiel’s eyes whenever Dean got something right.

“You better watch out, Novak. I’ll be able to put you on your ass soon,” Dean warned which made Cas laugh.

“I highly doubt that, Winchester,” Cas taunted back and walked over to his bag, pulling out his bottled water. Both Cas and Dean were drenched in sweat and Dean tugged at his shirt which stuck to his body.

“Ick, I hate when my shirt sticks to me,” Dean complained and Cas studied him.

“Here, use mine,” he said, offering Dean a folded up black shirt from his bag. Dean blinked at it then shrugged, setting it to the side while he peeled his shirt off. He noticed that Cas was staring, but didn’t say anything for both their sakes. He tugged on Cas’ shirt, which fit nicely and smelled like him; like the pine forest right after it’s finished raining. Cas smiled distractedly.

“Looks good…,” he mused and then blinked and coughed, looking away and taking a long drink of the water. “Anyways, I’m gonna go change. Feel free to have some of my water.” He then disappeared into the locker room and Dean shrugged, taking a sip and leaning against the table as he waited for Cas to return. When he did return, the only thing that had changed was he was wearing a tight white shirt and a black hoodie with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows. His sex hair was even more tousled than usual, but Dean found it attractive.

“Ready to go?” Cas asked, zipping up his bag and throwing it over his shoulder.

“Yeah, I guess,” Dean murmured reluctantly and followed him towards the stairs.

+++

That night, Cas dreamt of green eyes and freckles and warm skin against his own with the sound of laughter echoing all around him. He’d completely forgotten about why he’d been angry in the first place and it was the first time in six months that he’d boxed without crying.

 

 


	3. Story Time

“You were out late last night,” Sam said, snapping Dean out of his thoughts as he looked up from the bowl of cereal he was eating. Sam poured coffee into his favorite black mug and raised an eyebrow at his brother.

“Uh…yeah, I went to the bar to play pool…,” he murmured and looked back down at his breakfast, taking a huge bite to avoid Sam’s bombardment of questions that was sure to follow.

“You were at the bar that long?” Sam asked incredulously. Dean sighed and lifted a shoulder.

“Well, I may have run into Castiel on my way home…”

“Oh! What’d you guys do for so long?” Dean shrugged again.

“We just…talked…”

“You stood on the side walk for three hours and _talked_?”

“Well…we might have gone to the gym and he may have taught me how to box for a while…” Sam stopped pouring milk into his bowl of cereal to stare at Dean like he was an idiot.

“Why are you so reluctant to give details about what happened? You make it sound like it’s some sort of big secret.” Dean sighed and ran his fingers through his short hair.

“I dunno, Sammy, I’m just tired…” he said, shoving another spoonful of Fruit Loops into his mouth. Sam stared at him skeptically as he took a seat across from him.

“Dean…?”

“What?”

“Do you….do you have a crush on Castiel?”

“What?! No! Dude, I’m not _gay_! Or bi or any of that!” Sam shrugged.

“Maybe not, but maybe you are for Cas.”

“That…that doesn’t even make sense!”

“It means that maybe Castiel is the only guy you’d ever think of that way.”

“No…no, no, no…Sam, no. Just no…,” Dean snapped, grabbing his bowl and storming over to the kitchen to put his dishes away.

“If you didn’t like him, you wouldn’t be getting so defensive,” Sam mumbled.

“Drop it, Sam…”

“Dean, it’s really okay if you have a crush on Castiel.”

“Sam…”

“I mean, he is kind of an attractive guy.”

“I SAID DROP IT, SAM!!” Dean shouted and slammed the dishwasher closed, storming out of the kitchen and up to his room. He smashed the door closed behind him and fought the urge to start throwing things. After a few deep breaths, he changed out of his baggy grey sweatpants into a pair of jeans, a grey t shirt, and a blue plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He grabbed his army green jacket and keys, heading down the stairs and praying that Sammy had dropped the subject like he’d asked.

+++

By the time Friday rolled around, Castiel had a thousand excuses in mind for getting out of the lacrosse game. As the week had marched on, Cas’ fondness had continued to grow into a mini crush. It wasn’t anything big, that much he knew, but he wasn’t used to crushing. This was the first time he’d ever liked anybody and he wasn’t exactly sure what to do with it, especially when he was so far from Dean’s type that they might as well have been on different planets. The best Cas could figure was that the greatest plan was to distance himself from Dean to end the crush.

It was just that distancing himself from Dean was a lot harder than he’d originally thought it would be. He didn’t mention the night of boxing, which was slowly pushing its way to the best night of his life, and neither did Dean, which was a relief, because Cas was afraid he’d ask for more lessons. Cas didn’t think his crush could hold more alone time. After the second day that Dean was required to show him around, Cas figured Dean would go back to his lacrosse buddies. But, he just kept reappearing after each of his classes and kept on talking like it was the most natural thing in the world. Cas had no idea how to feel about it and the conflicting feelings were about to kill him.

On Friday, Castiel had attempted to escape Dean during the thirty minute break period. He was sitting outside on a bench in the butterfly garden and working on a complicated sketch he’d been working on for nearly a week. But, his escape plan was in vain.

“Cas! There you are, dammit! I’ve been looking all over for you!” Dean shouted as he rounded the bushes. Cas looked up curiously, wondering why Dean had been looking for him in the first place, and frowned a little when Dean slowed to a stop. He couldn’t understand why Dean was looking at him so strangely. What he didn’t know what that the breeze had caused some dead leaves to loosen from their branches and rain down around him. And he didn’t see the way the sunlight was hitting him and how he looked so damned beautiful, Dean could have sworn he was looking at an angel.

“Yes, Dean?” he asked, straightening up and closing his sketch book. Dean blinked and smiled, walking over to sit next to him on the bench.

“Uh…I wanted to make sure you were coming to the game tonight? I kept forgetting to ask you earlier this morning.” Cas took a deep breath and looked down, biting his lip. He picked the most plausible excuse and looked up to meet Dean’s eyes. But, upon seeing the hopeful and excited gleam to his expression, all of the excuses and the entire plan to distance himself from Dean flew from his head. He smiled nervously.

“Yeah, I’m coming,” he assured him, which was, of course, not the original plan. But, the huge grin that took over Dean’s face made it all worth it.

“Okay, awesome! Sammy is gonna pick you up so you won’t be lost and so that you have someone to talk you through the game. What’s your address?”

“Um…I can drive myself, really, it’s okay.” Dean’s smile faded and he cocked his head to the sight just slightly.

“You don’t wanna tell me where you live, do you?” Cas looked away and rubbed his neck, fiddling with the edge of his sketch pad.

“It’s not so much that I don’t want to tell you, it’s that I don’t want you to come there…,” he murmured, blushing furiously. Dean scooted closer and frowned.

“Why not? What’s so bad about your home?” Cas looked up at him and sighed.

“It’s just…uh…my dad…,” he murmured.

“Your dad doesn’t hit you, does he, Castiel?” Dean’s face was suddenly hard and full of anger. Cas didn’t doubt he’d kill someone with that face and it made his eyes go wide in shock.

“No! No, of course not! It just that…well…Dean…I…this is really hard for me to just come out with. You see…if my dad saw Sam coming to pick me up…he might…well, he might…”

“He might what, Cas?” Cas bent over and covered his face with his hands, cursing himself internally.

“I’m gay, Dean, and he might think it’s a date. Or at the very least that I have a crush on Sam and I just don’t feel very much like being question ceaselessly by my father,” he snapped, going absolutely still as he waited for the explosion, for Dean to storm away, demanding that Cas never come near him again.

“Can’t you just tell him you don’t dig Sam that way?” Cas tensed and didn’t respond for a moment before slowly looking up and staring at Dean in shock. Dean stared back and then shrugged.

“I mean, unless you do dig Sam that way.”

“No, I don’t, but uh…you’re okay with me?”

“Course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” Cas looked away again, studying the flowers.

“When I came out to my dad, it was at a restaurant when he was trying to convince me to get our waitress’s number. I just…I got fed up with coming up with excuses and telling my dad I wasn’t interested and I knew that he wouldn’t give up on this if he didn’t know about me. Some people from my school were sitting behind us and they heard. Unfortunately, it hadn’t been descent human beings that had overheard; it had been…jocks whose main goal in life was to find new ways to torment me. This was like opening a flood gate of torture and….well, just because my dad didn’t hit me doesn’t mean no one did…,” he murmured and scrubbed a hand over his face. He was surprised when Dean reached over and touched his shoulder.

“So, you were afraid, that because I’m a ‘jock’ that I’d treat you like those douchebags?”

“Not exactly…I was afraid you’d give me The Look…”

“The Look?”

“Yeah, the one that homophobes give you. They look at you like you have a disease or like you’ve murdered someone…”

“Cas…you’re my friend. I’m not gonna treat you differently because you like chocolate instead of vanilla.” Cas looked up and smirked at him.  

“Did you just refer to different genders as flavors of ice cream?” Dean laughed and leaned back.

“I might have, but the point is that nothing is changing except that I have more knowledge about you,” he said and stood, stretching his arms above his head. “So, I’ll have Sammy meet you at the concession stand then?”

“Yeah, okay. Sounds good,” Cas said, smiling up at him warmly. Dean winked, sending Castiel’s heart into a frenzy, and made his way over to the exit.

“I’ll see ya at the game then.”

“See ya...,” Cas murmured and then laughed lightly, shaking his head and flipping his sketch pad open. He drew until the bell rang for him to head to his last class of the day.

+++

That night, Cas was struggling with what to wear to the game. He hadn’t told Sam or Dean this, but he’d never been to any sports game of any kind, so he didn’t know what you should wear. He collapsed onto the bed and stared at his phone, deciding whether or not he should call Sam. Dean would be getting ready for the game, so he couldn’t call him, and he wasn’t sure if he and Sam were close enough for that. After staring at the pile of clothes he’d torn through on the bed for a while, he decided he didn’t have a choice. He pressed Sam’s contact and waited anxiously, half of him hoping that Sam wouldn’t answer.

“Cas?” Sam answered in surprise. Cas bit his lip and took a deep breath.

“Um, yeah, it’s me,” he murmured awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“What’s up, buddy? You still coming to the game?”

“Uh…yes, I am, but I….uh…well, I don’t know what I’m supposed to wear. I’ve not ever been to a sports game before…,” he murmured and blushed furiously. Sam laughed good naturedly and Cas couldn’t deny that the sound was very pleasant, just like his brothers. The Winchesters just had a pleasant way about nearly everything they did, from the way that they moved to the nervous habits they didn’t realize they had.

“Just wear something casual. There’s nothing special you have to wear to a game.” Cas took a deep breath and nodded despite the fact that Sam couldn’t see him nodding.

“Alright, thank you, Sam. I’ll see you at the game.”

“See ya there,” Sam said and the line went dead. Grumbling to himself about how he couldn’t believe he was actually agreeing to go to a lacrosse game, he grabbed a pair of jeans and tugged on a long sleeved white shirt, pushing the sleeves up to his elbows and grabbing his green jacket. He left a message on his dad’s phone telling him he’d be at the lacrosse game and might not be able to answer his phone and then snatched up his keys and jogged to the car.

He arrived a few minutes early and nearly had a panic attack, worrying that Sam wouldn’t be at the concession stand yet. Thankfully, Sam had arrived early as well and he smiled, waving Cas over. Cas smiled back and shoved his hands into his pockets, strolling to a stop in front of him.

“Hey, Cas, you look nice,” Sam said smiling and clapping him over the shoulder in greeting. Cas blushed and looked down to study his outfit. He felt sort of overdressed, but Sam didn’t seem to think so.

“Thanks, Sam,” he murmured and Sam grinned, pulling out his wallet and turning to the concession stand.

“Do you want anything?”

“I didn’t bring money, I wasn’t really thinking.”

“That’s okay, I’ve got it.”

“I dunno…”

“C’mon, it’s fine. Whataya want?” Cas took a deep breath and studied the board that read what was available.

“A cheeseburger is fine, thank you.”

“Anything to drink? I’m getting a Mountain Dew.”

“I guess I’ll have one as well.” Sam nodded and told the lady behind the counter what they wanted, passing money across the table. Once they had their food, Sam lead them to the top of the bleachers where they could see the field the best and laid out the blanket he had thrown over the crook of his arm.

“So, Dean is number 17. They’ll all be out in a few minutes,” Sam explained, munching on his hamburger.

“Is Dean the captain?” Cas inquired. Sam laughed.

“No, he isn’t. Why do you ask?”

“He seems like the leader type and his whole group of friends appear to look to him for guidance,” Cas admitted, lifting a shoulder. Sam considered this a moment and then raised his eyebrows, as though this just occurred to him.

“You’re right, they kind of do look to him when they’re off the field, but Tony is a better player than Dean is and he’s been on the team longer. It took a lot of convincing to get him on the team, two years of it,” Sam said with a chuckle. Cas smiled and nodded, watching the field expectantly.

“But Dean is good?”

“Oh, yeah, he’s really good. If Tony wasn’t such a monster on the field, Dean would be captain.” Cas nodded as though he expected this and they made small talk while they waited for the game to begin. Then, as the players of both teams entered the field, talk turned into explanations of how the game was played. Cas tried to understand it, but mostly he just followed Dean wherever he went on the field.

“It’s a pretty violent sport, so don’t be surprised if someone ends up on their ass,” Sam warned and Cas tensed up a little. After that, if he couldn’t find Dean, he got extremely nervous. At one point, someone from the opposing team slammed into number 17 and he went down hard. Cas nearly leaped out of his seat, but Sam grabbed his arm and they waited in tense silence for Dean to get up. It didn’t take long though once one of his team mates jogged over to help him up and then Cas could breathe again, sinking back into a relaxed state.

“I don’t like this,” he murmured a moment later.

“You bored?” Sam asked, sounding a little disappointed. Cas shook his head.

“No, no, it’s a very interesting game to watch. I just…don’t like the idea of Dean getting hurt…,” he admitted, not moving his eyes from Dean’s form on the field. There was such a long pause, that Castiel wasn’t sure Sam was going to respond.

“Cas…do you have a crush on my brother?” Sam finally asked and Cas tensed, not daring to move.

“What? No. That’s ridiculous.”

“Cas, I’m not stupid, alright?” Cas took a deep breath and glanced over at Sam with a pained expression that almost seemed apologetic.

“Is it that obvious?” Sam chuckled and patted his back comfortingly.

“It’s probably just obvious to me. I’ve seen that look a lot.”

“What look?” Cas asked, but he was almost afraid of the answer.

“Every time Dean invites a girl to watch him play, they usually sit with me and…if they like Dean for more than his body, they get this look of awe on their face. It’s like Dean is some sort of fascinating piece of art they can’t get enough of.” Cas wasn’t sure how to feel about that statement, but mostly pain overrode everything else that what Sam was telling him suggested. That proved just how straight Dean really was, as if he _needed_ any proof, which he did not.

“He invites girls to watch him often?” Cas wondered, unable to conceal the disappointment in his voice. Sam sighed and twisted his body to face Cas. Cas glanced at him reluctantly.

“Cas, there’s something you have to understand about Dean. Our mom died when we were really young and my dad kinda lost his head. He’s gone on business trips a lot of the time and when he’s home, he’s either at work or locked in his office. Dean’s had to take care of me since we were really little and he…he feels like he’s an awful person. He hates himself, so he drowns himself in alcohol and girls. They never really mean anything to him, they’re just one night stands. I don’t even think he’s ever really been truly interested in anyone before.” Cas frowned and turned to find Dean again.

“What a sad way to live…,” he murmured and his heart ached to wrap Dean up in his arms and tell him that he was beautiful, inside and out.

“Yeah it is, but my point in telling you that is so you realize that you’re different.” Cas looked up at him in surprise and frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“Listen, Cas, Dean doesn’t really have close friends. There’s Tony, but Tony annoys the hell out of Dean, so they don’t really hang out that often. Most of the time, he’s content to spend his Saturdays watching movies or going to the bar to play pool. He doesn’t really take an interest in people aside from myself and that’s just cause I’m his brother and he kind of has to show interest in me. But, with you, it’s like he actually wants to try and have a friendship with you. Maybe you should think about that…,” Sam encouraged.

“Maybe he’s interested in a friendship, but I know he’ll never see me has anything else. Which is okay, I don’t need to date him or anything. It’s just a small crush that I’ll get over easily. Friendship is fine.” Sam looked like he wanted to say something, but suddenly the announcer’s voice cut through their personal little bubble.

“Oh! Number 17 has taken another hit! That’s the second time tonight!” Cas’ stomach dropped like a ball of lead and he turned with wide eyes to see Dean lying on the field, rolling around and clutching his side. Even from so far away, Cas could practically hear Dean groaning in pain. Sam and Cas both jumped up at the same time and rushed down the bleachers, vaulting over the fence and sprinting across the field to Dean’s side.

“Dean!” Sam called and they slid to a stop next to him, falling to their knees. Somehow, they’d managed to get to him before the coaches and the paramedics, although the team was already surrounding him in worry.

“God dammit, Sam, I’m fine,” he cursed and tried to sit up, but he gasped. “Shit, I think I cracked a rib or something.” Cas moved closer and touched his side lightly. Dean winced away from him and then looked up.

“Oh look, both of my princes have come to the rescue,” he grumbled just as the paramedics arrived. They asked him a few questions and studied his injuries, shooing Sam and Cas back so they could get close enough to examine him properly. Cas watched and listened anxiously, his heart pounding with worry. They guessed that he’d probably cracked a rib and then loaded him carefully onto a stretcher, which Dean never stopped complaining about. They allowed both Cas and Sam to ride in the ambulance with Dean, and Sam continued to fuss over his brother worriedly.

“So, Cas, what’d you think of the game?” Dean asked, ignoring Sam. Cas smiled and shook his head, folding his hands in his laps. He wanted to stroke the hair back from Dean’s forehead or hold his hand or something, but he knew he couldn’t, so he kept them safely in his lap.

“I didn’t like it, but I’m not gonna miss another game as long as I live. I can promise you that,” he murmured and Dean frowned.

“Why would you still come if you didn’t like it?”

“Because Sam will need company if you get sent to the hospital again.” Dean laughed and then winced, cutting it short. Cas’ smile faded and his hands fluttered nervously, trying to find a non-gay place to put them and failing. Eventually, he shifted nervously and let his hands rest on his knees. He glanced up and met the encouraging gaze of Sam. He just shook his head slightly and looked down. 

At the hospital, they sent Dean in for x-rays to make sure his injuries weren’t worse than they assumed. Once they confirmed that he just had a few fractured ribs and that most of his healing could be done in about six weeks in the comfortable safety of his own home, Dean was cleared to go to said home. Dean was more than a little put out that he wouldn’t be able to play for a while and he pouted about it the whole way home. Cas had offered to drive him so Sam could stay at the game, which pleased Dean and kept him from actually voicing his annoyance, but Cas could see right through him.

“I’m sorry you got hurt, Dean,” he offered, glancing over at him apologetically. Dean huffed and winced a little, holding up the bottle of pain killers they’d given him and scowling.

“Yeah,” he grumbled. “Me too. The team is gonna rip me a new one on Monday…”

“Why? It’s not your fault.” Cas inquired with a frown. Dean rolled his eyes.

“I should have been more careful and paid attention to what I was doing, but instead I was looking for you in the stands and totally blew it. I’m the second best player on the team; they need me and I failed.” Castiel desperately wanted to ask about Dean looking for him in the stands, but knew that Dean’s sense of failure needed to be addressed.

“Dean, you didn’t fail anybody. It was that asshole who should have been more careful. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Yeah, tell that to my team.”

“I will if you want me to,” Cas assured him and Dean looked up sharply, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

“What, you gonna talk logic to them till the keel over and die?” Cas chuckled and shook his head, turning as Dean instructed.

“Dean, I’m serious. If they give you trouble, I’ll deal with them.”

“Did you deal with your bullies?” Cas flinched, his smile disappearing, and he sighed.

“No, I didn’t. But, I deserved what I was getting. You won’t deserve any bullshit they give you.”

“Okay, in what universe do you deserve to get beat up for who you are?”

“Dean…,” Cas said in a tone that warned him the subject was sensitive.

“No, Cas, I’m not going to just  let you get by with a dumbass comment like that. I’ve known you less than a week, Castiel, and you’re still one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. You’ve been through a lot of bullshit and still, your first instinct isn’t to see the bad in people. Hell, your friends with me, of all the people in the school you could be friends with, and that says a lot about your character. Sam has to put up with my crap, because he’s my brother and I’m nice to him for the most part. My team likes me, yeah, but they’re all douchebags too. But, you…you’re a great person and you have no obligation to be my friend and yet, here you are.” Dean says the whole thing like he’s truly in awe of Cas, but it just hurts Cas to hear that he’s fooled Dean so profoundly.

“Dean, you are not a bad person. You’ve convinced yourself and everyone else that you are, but I can see right through you. Sam told me about your mother and I don’t claim to have any idea what happened, but I do know that it wasn’t your fault. And also, you act like a douchebag to keep people away, because either you think you don’t deserve them or you’re afraid they’re all going to end up leaving you. Well, I have a newsflash for you, buddy, no matter what you do, I’m not going anywhere. So, just don’t even think about pulling any of that crap with me, alright? You’re good Dean, I can see it. Sam can see it. Anybody who has a brain in their skull should be able to see it. Now _you_ need to see it.” Cas continually looked back and forth between the road and Dean while Dean just stared at him in surprise.

“Turn here…drive till the gravel ends at our driveway…,” Dean mumbled, partly because Cas wouldn’t know where to turn and partly because he had no idea what to say. Cas sighed, acknowledging that the subject had been closed and a little annoyed that it had gotten away from him. After driving down a long, perfectly straight gravel road for a while, the trees fell away and the gravel widened into a huge driveway in front of a two story, cabin-like house. Dean’s Impala was gone, still with Sam at the school, and so was the huge red truck that was normally there, but a small black car that was collecting pollen and dust stood alone. Cas parked next to it and looked over to Dean, smiling tensely.

“Thanks for driving me home. At least I can wait until Monday to deal with the team now.” Cas nodded and ran his hands along the driving wheel, looking distracted in thought.

“Mhm, of course. Anytime,” he mumbled. Dean hesitated with his hand on the doorknob and then turned back to Cas.

“Wanna come inside and grab something to drink?” Dean asked, eyes looking around the car awkwardly. Cas smiled and shrugged.

“Sure. You’re an invalid anyways. You’ll probably need my help until Sam gets back.” Dean rolled his eyes, but they both climbed out of the car and headed for the house. Cas helped Dean up the stairs and into his room before heading back down to the kitchen to get him some ice and sodas for them both. When Cas jogged back up, Dean was standing in the center of his room with a thoughtful, slightly pouty expression on his face. Cas smirked and raised an eyebrow.

“You okay?” he asked and set the sodas down, heading over to him with the pack of ice. Dean bit his lip and laughed nervously.

“I’m just trying to figure out how to get into something comfortable…,” he admitted and a blush seemed to light up both their faces at the same times.

“Uh…well, I could help you…?” Dean shrugged and nodded and Cas took a deep breath. Dean managed to step out of his shoes without Cas’ help, but Cas had to help him out of his shirt and jeans, which was awkward and slightly uncomfortable for both of them. Although, Cas couldn’t help but to appreciate just how fit Dean was. He almost commented on it, wanting to ask how often he worked out, but figured that might be a bit too gay for Dean to handle. Dean had to grab Cas’ shoulders to keep from falling over as he helped him into his baggy grey sweatpants and Cas’ skin tingled wherever Dean touched him. Dean tried to deny to himself that he was feeling the same tingly feeling, but it was hard when it kinda felt more like a searing burn on his fingertips.

“Where is your shirt?” Cas asked, looking around as though it might walk out of the closet and make itself known to him. Dean laughed and moved over to the bed, stretching out slowly and with a deep wince.

“I don’t wear a shirt when I’m at home, especially if I’m gonna sleep soon,” he mumbled and folded his hands behind his head, closing his eyes. “You can take your jacket off and sit down if you want.” Castiel shrugged out of his jacket and picked up Dean’s ice again, sitting on the edge of the mattress and pressing it gently to Dean’s injured side. Dean flinched away from the cold touch at first and then relaxed as his skin grew accustomed to the cold, eyes lifting up to meet Cas’ gaze. Cas smiled tightly and fidgeted with the bed sheets for a moment, unsure of what to say or do. Dean’s expression softened as he stared at Castiel’s nervous face and he slowly reached down to cover Cas’ hand that was holding the ice to his side.

“So, why didn’t you like the game?” Dean inquired as Cas looked over at him quizzically. Cas shrugged and looked down again, tousling his fingers through his hair like he would if he were at home and didn’t have to care about his hair anymore.

“I didn’t realize it was going to be so violent,” he admitted. “It made me nervous for you.” Dean smiled at that and shook his head.

“I’ve gotten hurt playing that game more times than I can keep track of. I’m a big boy, Cas, I can handle a little pain,” he assured him and Cas smirked

“Yes, well, maybe I can’t handle seeing you in pain,” he snapped playfully, hand tightening around the ice pack involuntarily as he realized what he’d said. That sounded gay…very gay…he shouldn’t have said that.

“I’d say that probably means you shouldn’t come to my games, but I like to see you there,” Dean admitted and when Cas glanced back at him in surprise, Dean’s eyes were closed. Cas watched him for a moment, eyes trailing across the plains of his skin, connecting the freckles into constellations. Finally, his eyes drew to a stop on Dean’s lips and a hunger he didn’t quite understand tore through him. He was so caught up in trying to keep himself from leaning forward, that he didn’t realize Dean had opened his eyes and was watching him.

“Cas…,” Dean whispered and Cas tore his eyes away from Dean’s lips, moving them to meet his eyes and then looking away with a growing blush.

“I, uh, I can hold the ice pack,” he murmured and Cas jerked his hand away, thinking Dean wanted him to leave now. “You can lie down, you know. I don’t bite.” Cas chuckled and shrugged, lying back on the bed and folding his arms across his chest. He studied the ceiling above him, curling his hands into fists as the desire to reach out and take Dean’s hand nearly over came him. There was a long moment of silence, though it was far from uncomfortable. The two boys were just content to be in each other’s presence and listen to the other person slowly breathing.

“Cas…?” Dean said softly after a while of comfortable silence.

“Yes, Dean?”

“How did you know you were gay?” Cas blinked in surprise and glanced over at his friend, lifting a shoulder.

“It’s a really long story.”

“We’ve got all night,” Dean assured him and Cas nodded, taking a deep breath.

“Well, as you can probably guess, I’ve never been exactly social. Even in Elementary school and middle school, the small group of friends I had paid little attention to me. We never hung out outside of school or even during school; I just ate lunch with them and watched them interact with each other, never really involving myself. The only person I was ever close to was…was…my mother. Whenever I cried about being alone, she would say; ‘don’t worry my sweet angel, the right person will come along and see the beautiful, shining soul you have and they will love you for it.’ And then we’d bake cookies or have milk in shot glasses and…well, anyways, that’s not the point.

My seventh grade year, there was this new girl named Meg who came to school. She was extremely beautiful and everyone wanted to know her, but I didn’t really notice her. Come to think of it, I never noticed any girl. They just never seemed that interesting to me, or that attractive, for that matter. Nevertheless, she was apparently this really amazing model type chic and whenever the so called popular people tried to befriend her, she politely turned them down. After a while, my group of friends got brave and tried to acquaint with her. It turned out that we were the type of people she’d grown up being friends with and she started to sit with us at our table. Right from the start, she showed a lot of interest in me. She was always flirting and asking me on dates that I always had elaborate excuses for. The whole thing scared me and when I told my mom about how I was feeling, she told me I had to be brave or I’d never find out who I really was. Looking back on it, I’m pretty sure my mom knew I was gay before I did. I think she always knew.

So, after a long talk with my mom, I asked Meg to my first ever dance. I made it clear that I was only going as friends, but she didn’t seem to get it. After a while of awkwardly dancing, she pulled me out back to where the buses parked and she…she pushed me up against the buses and kissed me. It was kinda uncomfortable for me, because it wasn’t at all what I’d wanted, but she continued to kiss me. So, my brain kind of shut off. I started going over the material for our upcoming test and tried to remember all the chores my mom wanted me to get done when I got home and then I started thinking about the painting I was working on and I tried to see if I could fit a trip to the gym in sometime that weekend since I hadn’t been in a while. All of this was running through my head and I was completely distracted, but instead of just standing there like an idiot, my body apparently took over and I kissed her back. Next thing I knew, I was blinking my eyes open to see we were on the bus and she was straddling my waist and smiling breathlessly. Later, I heard rumors spreading around that I was the best kisser in the school.

For months, we dated, because I felt some sort of obligation to it after kissing her. We even went to the movies a couple times, but every time she kissed me, I thought of other things and let my body take over. I hated the whole entire thing and everyone could tell I was miserable, except her. If I could avoid a date, I would and I would do _anything_ to avoid a date. I pretended to be sick, created fake family reunions, told her my mom was sick and I had to take care of her, and told her I was grounded when I’d never been grounded a day in my life. Eventually though, I ended up going to the last dance of the year with her.

We were just awkwardly rocking back and forth when _he_ walked in. I had never ever found anyone attractive before him. He had this thick brown hair and a body built for sex, kinda like yours, and I was so attracted I got turned on. He was the cousin of one of the girls at our school and he was only staying for a few weeks, but damn was he beautiful. And you know what I did when Meg tried to kiss me? I blurted out ‘I’m gay’ and broke up with her. She was so heart broken, that none of my so called friends ever spoke to me again. Luckily, they were all good people and didn’t spill my secret, but everyone thought I was a bad person and wouldn’t speak to me.

I never did talk to that really hot guy though. I don’t even remember his name, though I would like to meet him. I’d love to thank him for making me realize what I wouldn’t admit on my own.” Dean and Cas sat there for a moment in silence, just staring at the ceiling and reflecting on what he’d just said.

“Damn,” Dean muttered finally. “That was a long story.” Cas chuckled and shook his head.

“I told you so.”

“Alright I asked for it, but I still have one last question to ask you.”

“Okay, shoot.”

“Do you really think I have a body built for sex?” Castiel coughed hysterically, looking anywhere but at Dean as his cheek heated up in a blush. He hadn’t even realized he’d said it and now he wished like hell he could take it back.

“Well, I uh, I mean…I dunno…,” he mumbled, lifting his arm to run his hands through his hair. Dean’s smile faded and he removed his hand from behind his head, reaching out slowly and touching Cas’ wrist.

“Cas…what are those?” he asked softly and Cas flinched, closing his eyes and cursing softly. He tugged his arm gently away from Dean and pulled his sleeves down to cover the majority of his hands.

“It’s nothing,” he grumbled and pushed his fingers through his hair. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, staring at the wall and taking deep, slow breaths. He prayed hard that Dean would drop it. He wasn’t surprised when he heard Dean groan as he sat up, but he was surprised when his arm wrapped around Cas from behind. He gripped his hand gently and tugged the sleeves slowly up to his elbows.

“Oh, Cas,” he whispered, brushing his fingers lightly across the pale scars on his forearm. They sliced horizontally across his skin, marking all his tragedies and insecurities like tattoos of agony. Cas slid his eyes closed and Dean leaned his forehead against Cas’ shoulder. His fingers wrapped around Cas’ wrist lightly and the other hand came around to hug his torso.

“Cas, do you cut yourself?” he asked, his voice barely above a murmur, his body unmoving. Cas took a deep breath before answering.

“Not in a while…not in two months.”

“That’s a while for you, Castiel?” Dean’s voice sounded hoarse and pained.

“Yes…,” he whispered.

“How often?”

“Once or twice every two to three weeks. Not really a lot.”

“Why?” he breathed.

“It started a few weeks after my mom was diagnosed with cancer, when the school found out I was gay. About two years ago.” Dean shook his head, forehead rubbing against Cas’ shoulder. Cas couldn’t deny the butterflies and the strong urges coursing through him and he tried his hardest not to act on them, which meant he remained perfectly still, teeth sinking into the inside of his cheek. Dean’s thumb rubbed into his skin in slow, soothing circles for a moment before he pulled back and winced as he scooted himself back on the bed.

“Cas, turn around, please,” he murmured softly and Cas took a deep breath before complying. He kept his eyes on the bed, picking at a loose string in the sheets. Dean reached out and took his wrist again, staring at Cas intently.

“Look at me,” he whispered and Cas sighed, slowly letting his eyes trail up until the met Dean’s bright green eyes. They were so filled with passion and some other emotion Cas didn’t completely understand, that Cas felt like the butterflies in his stomach were going to pound right out of him.

“Cas you are smart and kind and brilliant. You are one of my closest friends and that’s why I need you to promise me you won’t ever do this again,” he demanded, but his eyes, while stern, were soft and filled with emotion. Cas shook his head, looking down again.

“Dean, I can’t….I’ve tried not to. Every time I feel the urge, I try not to, but I can’t-”

“Stop,” Dean interrupted. “I know you’ve been lonely your whole life and that losing your mother was the hardest thing in the world, I get that, you know I do. But, you have me now and you have Sammy and you have your dad and that’s gotta be enough. I can’t…I couldn’t stand it if you hurt yourself.” Cas stared at him helplessly.

“I promise to try, Dean. I promise to try my hardest,” he murmured. Dean nodded and looked down at Cas’ exposed wrist. He hesitated for a moment and then lifted his hand, brushing a light kiss to his soft skin.

“You’re too good for this, Cas. Too, too good,” he whispered, Cas watching him with wide eyes. He slightly resembled a deer caught in the headlights.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered back shakily. Dean just shook his head and looked up to smile at Cas, reaching out and gripping his shoulder.

“It’s okay, just…no new ones, aright?”

“I told you I would try,” Cas promised again. Dean smiled again and took a deep breath, slowly lying back down. Cas didn’t follow this time, just watched Dean stretch out and admired the view, a little too openly. Dean smirked and closed his eyes, patting the space next to him to signal for Cas to lie down again. Cas did so with only a slight amount of hesitance.

For the rest of the night, Dean did most of the talking; telling funny stories and cracking cute jokes. Cas did his best to stay awake for as long as possible, but soon his eyes were drifting shut and he fell into a deep sleep.

+++

Later that night, Sam came home to an empty house. He called for Dean and when there was no answer, he made his way back to his bedroom to make sure he was okay. As he pushed open the door, he was met by something that was surprising, but not shocking. Dean was curled into Castiel, a slight frown on his lips and his arm draped across Castiel’s stomach. Cas had one arm wrapped around Dean protectively while the other was curled into his own hair, his head turned towards Sam. Sam smiled and shook his head, closing the door softly and strolling back into the kitchen for a snack.


	4. The Confessions

Dean woke up the next morning with a slight pain in his side, but otherwise he was the most comfortable he’d been in a while and he couldn’t figure out why. Moaning in pleasure, he shifted slightly and wrapped his arms more tightly around his pillow. Except…it was too hard to be his pillow. Frowning in confusion, he raised his head groggily and met the wide blue eyes of Castiel Novak. Cas looked terrified, but Dean just chuckled and cuddled back into Cas.

“Well, good morning, beautiful,” he mumbled, chucking again. “How did we end up like this?”

“I’m not sure exactly,” Castiel muttered, still sounding shaken. “You’re not mad though?” Dean snorted and snuggled into him, pulling the blankets up over his shoulders.

“Why on earth would I be mad? You’re the best pillow my head’s ever had the pleasure of resting on,” Dean amended, yawning slightly and preparing to head back to sleep.

“What time is it anyways?”

“11:31 am,” Cas answered and Dean groaned, puling the blankets up over his head.

“Why am I up so damn early?”

“Early?” Cas demanded, laughing incredulously. “Dean, it’s almost the afternoon!”

“I usually sleep until like…two in the afternoon,” he grumbled, burying his face into Cas’ chest.

“Well, then…you can go back to sleep if you like.”

“How long have you been awake?”

“Since nine,” he admitted, blushing lightly.

“Why didn’t you wake me up, man? You must have been so bored!” Cas shook his head and couldn’t refrain from combing through Dean’s hair gently with his fingers. Dean let out a tiny noise of satisfaction despite himself and curled his fingers into Cas’ shirt.

“I wasn’t bored, I was lost in thought when you started waking up. It’s really alright,” Cas assured him and slid his fingers through Dean’s short, dirty blonde hair again. It was almost dark enough to be considered brown, but not quite.

“Mmm, well, I guess I can get up early for today,” Dean muttered and moved to sit up, but a sharp pain made him gasp and lower himself back down.

“What is it? Are you alright?” Cas asked, voice filled with concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine. My ribs are just bothering me,” Dean admitted.

“Here, let me go get you some fresh ice. I’ll get you breakfast too, if you’d like?” Dean nodded and slowly slid himself over to his pillow.

“Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks, buddy.”

“No problem,” Cas muttered as he stood and ruffled his hands through his hair, fighting the strange instinct to drop a kiss onto Dean’s forehead. Cas shuffled down the stairs and padded into the kitchen, blinking sleepily and rubbing his eyes.

“Please tell me you didn’t sleep with my brother.” Cas nearly jumped out of his skin, reeling backwards and bumping back into the wall. His eyes flickered around wildly until he found Sam sitting at the bar in the kitchen, staring at him over a bowl of cereal. Cas gasped for breath, clutching at his chest and shaking his head.

“Damn it, Sam! You scared the piss out of me!” he cursed, glowering at him as he marched into the kitchen.

“Well? Did you sleep with my brother or not?” Cas stared at him incredulously.

“No! Of course not! In your…with you…I would…no, Sam, no! God, get your mind out of the gutter!” he snapped and Sam laughed at his flushing face.

“Alright, I believe you. Dean still asleep?”  Cas shook his head and pushed the hair off of his forehead.

“No, he’s awake and in some pain. I came down to get him some ice and breakfast.”

“Well, there’s cereal in the cupboard above the dishwasher and the dishes in there are clean so you can use those. Ice is in the fridge, obviously, and then the sandwich bags are under the sink.” Cas stared at him incredulously and Sam raised a confused eyebrow.

“Cereal? Do you have that every morning?”

“Well…yeah?”

“Oh, absolutely not. I’m making us all a real breakfast,” he stated sternly and turned, rummaging around in the cabinets. He pulled out two frying pans and then headed over to the fridge.

“A real breakfast?” Sam inquired, his cereal suddenly seeming very disinteresting.

“Yup. Eggs, bacon, toast, hot coffee; the whole nine yards.”

“Mmm, that sounds delicious! I haven’t had a real breakfast in forever,” he admitted excitedly.

“Well, you’re about to,” Cas muttered, oiling one of the pan and cracking two eggs into it. He began to hum softly to himself as he cooked and the smell eventually pulled Dean from his bed. He limped downstairs and rounded the corner, smiling at the scene. Sam was working on homework, smiling at something Cas said and responding to it with amusement. Cas stood at the oven, scooping bacon from the trey and dumping it onto a plate covered with a napkin.

“That smells good,” he said, sliding onto one of the bar stools next to Sammy. Cas turned and smiled at him.

“Well, Sam made me aware that you were both viciously deprived of a proper breakfast, so I couldn’t resist making you one,” Cas said, crouching down and opening the cabinet below the sink. He grabbed a sandwich bag and headed over to the fridge, digging ice out and zipping it up into the bag. He tossed it to Sam who caught it easily and passed it over to Dean.

“Thanks,” he muttered. Cas just smiled and scooped the rest of the bacon out of the pan. He then divvied the eggs and bacon into three plates. He buttered the toast and poured coffee into mugs, handing them over to the Winchesters with a wink. He handed them the cream and sugar and watched them hopefully.

“Oh god, Cas, this is amazing!” Sam gushed and shoved another spoonful of eggs into his mouth.

“Honestly, where did you learn to cook like this?!” Dean cried, crunching the bacon like he was chewing a piece of heaven. Cas’ smile faded just a little and he took a deep breath.

“My mom. She said that whoever I married shouldn’t have to do all the cooking and so she taught me,” he said, eyes going a bit distant as though he were remembering a fond moment.

“Well, you’re mother is an amazing teacher, because this is the best breakfast I’ve ever had,” Dean mumbled around a mouthful, chugging down his coffee. Cas laughed softly and grabbed Dean his painkillers before digging into his own meal, which was smaller than Sam or Dean’s large meals. Dean didn’t comment, but he wanted to. 

Whenever they finished, Sam offered to take Cas home, but Dean butt in with his own idea.

“Yeah, take him home and get him some fresh clothes, then bring him back here and we can have a movie date!” Dean cried and Sam raised an eyebrow at Cas to ask if he’d like that. Cas smiled a bit timidly and nodded.

“Uh, sure, that sounds good.” Dean grinned and nodded, pushing himself up to his feet.

“Awesome! See you guys in a few!” he said and headed for the stairs. Cas watched him go, admiring the way his back muscles looked all exposed and toned. He made a very quiet noise that was somewhere between a moan and a whimper of longing. Luckily, not even Sam who stood only a few feet away from him could hear the noise.

Once they arrived at his house, he struggled to decided what to wear yet again. Eventually, he decided he would just dress comfortably and pulled on a pair of baggy black sweatpants and a white sleeveless tank. He tried to get his hair to cooperate, but it just wasn’t working with him, so he shrugged and ruffled it around, shoving his feet into grey vans and grabbing his black hoodie on the way out to the car. 

“Classy,” Sam said, smirking at him and Cas rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, Sam,” he snapped and shoved his shoulder playfully. Sam chuckled and pulled out heading back to the house. Cas was more than pleased at Dean’s reaction upon seeing his grunge look as he walked in the door.

“The I-don’t-give-a-fuck look suits you, Cas,” he muttered, his wide eyes skimming him with dilated pupils. Cas smirked at him and sized Dean up as well. He was still wearing his grey sweatpants, but he had a tight black shirt on now and his hair was a little damp.

“I could say the same to you.” They stared at each other with small smiles for a moment before Sam interrupted the moment.

“O-o-o-okay! Jess and I have plans for a picnic today, so I’ll see you two later,” he grumbled and ducked out the door before either of the boys could protest. Dean huffed and a wolfish grin spread across his lips.

“Looks like you’re all mine now, Castiel. There’s no one left to here you scream,” he muttered creepily, waggling his eyebrows cheekily. Cas swallowed hard and tugged his sleeves down to cover his hands.

“Are you planning to kill me or sexually assault me?” Cas teased back and Dean looked him up and down, licking his lips.

“We shall see,” he said ominously and stepped so close that their breaths mingled between them. Cas stared at Dean, eyes wide, and he could practically hear his heart careening out of control in his chest. He prayed Dean couldn’t hear it. Dean’s wolfish smile sank down into a smirk and he chuckled, breaking away from Cas and heading into the living room. Cas took a deep breath, calming his heart, and followed after Dean.

“Whataya wanna watch?” Dean slurred, surveying the huge shelf filled to the brim with movies. Cas raised an impressed eyebrow.

“What do you have?”

“Basically everything,” Dean said, smiling over at him.

“Hmm…,” Cas mused, stepping next to Dean and studying the wide array of movies. “How about…we do a marathon and watch all the Harry Potter movies?” he asked, looking over to Dean hopefully.

“Are you a Potterhead, my dear Cas?” Dean asked, his voice filled with amusement. Cas shrugged.

“Maybe a little bit of one.” Dean chuckled and nodded.

“Marathon it is. That’s gonna take most of the day,” he warned.

“That’s alright, I left a note for my dad and a message on his phone. He won’t be expecting me home today.” Dean gave him that wolfish grin again.

“Ooh, Castiel, you just keep on tempting. My dad won’t be back until Wednesday, Sam and Jess will be out all day and night, and there’s nobody waiting up for you,” Dean growled and Cas laughed nervously, grabbing the first Harry Potter movie and handing it to Dean.

“Yeah, it’s definitely murder. I should have run a background check before becoming your friend,” he teased, walking back to the couch. Cas sat in the middle of the couch, curling his feet up next to him. Dean popped the movie in and strolled back over to the cute boy on his leather couch. He sat with his back against the arm of the couch and then leaned forward, grabbing Cas under his arms like he was a two year old and pulled him over to sit between his legs. Cas’ eyebrows shot up in surprise, but Dean made it seem as natural as anything else in the world. He pulled the blanket on the back of the couch down around Cas, tucking him in and running his fingers through Cas’ hair as he fast-forwarded through the trailers.

Cas couldn’t deny that whenever he looked at Dean, a thousand tiny butterflies stirred inside him and that when Dean looked back they got faster and more urgent. When they touched, the butterflies would beat against the side of his stomach ravenously. But, sitting there with almost every part of his body touching Dean, with Dean’s calloused fingers sliding through his hair, it wasn’t many butterflies, but one. One, humungous, predatory butterfly which bashed against his side so hard it was painful. And he was worried that the butterfly would bust out of him and spill over his lips, coming out as a thousand words he could never take back…a thousand words that could send Dean running for the hills.

He was so deep in thought that he’d almost forgotten where he was until Dean spoke up.

“I knew your hair would be soft,” Dean muttered in his ear and Cas blinked, a shiver spilling down his spine. Cas let out a tiny, breathless laugh.

“You make it sound like you think about my hair a lot,” Cas snickered and he felt Dean shrug.

“I do, actually. I’ve been having this really strange desire to run my fingers through it since pretty much the day we met,” he muttered and let his fingers slide slowly through Cas’ hair again. Cas closed his eyes and leaned his head back, enjoying the feeling. He hadn’t had his hair played with since his mom had gotten sick and couldn’t do it anymore. He hadn’t felt more at home in two years.

“Well, I’m glad that it’s what you expected,” he murmured and sighed contently. Dean chuckled softly and ruffled Cas’ hair playfully.

“Do you do everything just to make everyone else happy?” he asked, wrapping an arm around Cas and kissing the top of his head. Cas sucked in a quiet breath, his whole body tingling, and then tilted his head back to look up at Dean with a smile.

“Most of the time, I’m thinking of you and it just so happens that it subconsciously reflects in most of the things I do,” he admitted, a blush lighting up his cheeks and his eyes flickering away nervously as he lifted his head again so that Dean couldn’t see his face. Dean moved his hands from Cas’ hair to wrap both arms around his torso, resting his chin on his shoulder.

“Why are you acting all embarrassed?” he asked, smirking as he felt Cas take a deep, shaky breath.

“I’m not…embarrassed,” he muttered, shaking his head.

“Alright,” Dean allowed and tightened his arms around Cas. “But, you’re definitely nervous about something.” Cas shook his head again.

“Nope, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he answered with false confidence. Dean grinned, entertained by his new game of making Castiel’s heart race and his nerves spike.

“Mhm, sure, Cas. I believe you,” Dean muttered mockingly. Cas rolled his eyes and shook his head, locking his eyes on the TV screen.

“Watch the movie, Dean Winchester,” he demanded and Dean grinned hugely.

“Yes, sir, Mr. Castiel Novak.”

They watched Harry Potter movies the rest of the day which took all day and into the night since they’d started so late. As day turned slowly into night, the two of them shifted around to more comfortable positions and Cas ended up falling asleep with Dean spooning him from behind and Dean’s arms wrapped protectively around his waist. Long after the movies were over, Dean remained on the couch with the sleeping Cas, unwilling to wake him up and relaxing in deep thought.

Around midnight, Dean heard the front door open and he winced, propping himself up to gaze over the back of the couch at his brother who was leaning against the door frame talking to Jess.

“Shh,” Dean hissed as quietly as he could while still enabling his brother to hear him. Sam glanced back and made a disgruntled face at him, rolling his eyes and turning back to smile at Jess.

“I’ll see you on Monday,” he said warmly, his voice clearly conveying his attraction to Jess.

“See you on Monday, Sam,” she whispered softly and Dean rolled his eyes.

“Oh my god,” he whispered, throwing his voice towards Sammy. “Stop flirting so loud and get inside, would you?” Sam locked his jaw and forced a pleasant smile towards Jess. Jess smiled, laughing softly, and kissed his cheek before walking back to her car. Sam took a deep breath and slammed the door, which made Cas frown and shift around in his sleep. Dean winced and watched him warily, praying he didn’t wake up. Cas rolled over and buried his face in Dean’s chest, falling back into his deep sleep. Dean sighed in relief and tightened his arm back around him, looking up at Sam who had an incredulous eyebrow raised.

“He fell asleep like this…,” Dean offered weakly. Sam grinned and shook his head, walking into the kitchen.

“Okay, Dean,” he called and Dean hushed him a second time, running his fingers soothingly through Castiel’s hair. He watched Cas’ peaceful face and smiled, taking the chance to press his lips lightly to Cas’ forehead. Sam walked back over with his soda, resting his elbows on the back of the couch and leaning against it as he watched his brother and Castiel. 

“So, you do have a crush on him?” Sammy asked. Dean sighed heavily.

“Yeah…I do…,” he muttered reluctantly.

“You know that he likes you too, don’t you?” Dean winced and closed his eyes, pressing his lips into the top of Cas’ head.

“I know,” he whispered. “But you know the people in Lawrence…they won’t be able to see past our gender and they’ll torment him, just like the people in Haven did. I can’t be responsible for that, Sammy…I have to protect him the way I’ve always protected you.”

“What if I was in love with another guy? What if I would be tormented too, but I didn’t care, because being with that guy is what would make me happy? Then how would you protect me, because either way I would be in a lot of pain.” Dean opened his eyes and blinked rapidly, confusion and pain racing through him.

“Sam…that’s different. Cas isn’t in love with me, he can be happy without being with me.”

“Will you be happy, Dean?” Dean bit his lip and nodded.

“I don’t need to be with him that way to be happy. Being friends is enough,” Dean assured his brother. Sam sighed, but nodded and squeezed his brother’s shoulder before heading up stairs.

+++

Cas dreamt he was standing at the edge of the lacrosse field, leaning against the fence and watching his Dean run across the field. The game was in the bag with only a minute left and Cas had never been more proud of Dean Winchester. He watched as they scored the final goal of the game and happiness flooded through Cas, causing a wide grin to stretch across his face. They had won the championship for the first time in four years and it was because of Dean. People poured onto the field and swarmed around Dean. Cas couldn’t keep himself from vaulting over the fence and jogging over to the edge of the circle of people, smiling happily and craning his neck as he attempted to see Dean’s face.

“Cas!” he heard Dean call to him and suddenly, the two people in front of him were being shoved apart. Dean’s smiling face appeared before him and Cas grinned back, accepting the tight hug that Dean tackled him into. Then, with a sudden shock, Dean’s lips were against Cas’ in a passionate kiss. Cas let out a tiny noise of satisfaction and closed his eyes, kissing back and sliding his fingers through Dean’s hair. Some people cheered, but it was very few. Most just watched them with disgust. But, Dean’s team watched them with malice in their eyes.

The dreamed shifted to the following Monday. Cas and Dean were walking hand-in-hand through the cafeteria to get their food when the team was suddenly surrounding them. They both slowed to a stop and glanced around in shock. Abruptly, two boys from the team surged forward and grabbed Cas, hauling him away from Dean.

“Hey! Let him go!” Dean shouted and rushed after Cas, only to be stopped by a member of the team. The two team members held Cas back by his arms as he struggled desperately against them, trying to get to his Dean. But, they were stronger than he was and he watched helplessly as they pushed him to the floor, kicking him and punching him. Dean struggled, eyes rarely leaving Cas as he made sure that they weren’t hurting him. Blood seemed to be pouring from all parts of his face; his eyes, his temple, his nose, his lips, his cheek. There was just blood everywhere and Cas screamed savagely.

“LET HIM GO! STOP IT! YOU’RE GOING TO KILL HIM! STOP, PLEASE, I’M BEGGING YOU!”

“Cas…,” Dean whispered and the sound seemed to echo all around him, spilling into his body and gripping at his heart like a vice.

“I love you…” And then he was staring lifelessly at Cas, beautiful green eyes gazing at him without emotion.

+++

The next morning, Cas woke up gasping unevenly with his face pressed into Dean’s chest. His heart pounded erratically, but Dean’s arms were locked around him tightly and it calmed him. It took him a bit of wiggling to raise his hand and rub his eyes. He leaned his head back to look into Dean’s sleeping face and the desire to kiss him became so overwhelming that he struggled backwards against Dean’s grip. Dean grunted and peeled his eyes open.

“Cas?” he moaned, frowning in confusion. “Cas, are you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Cas took a deep breath and ripped his eyes away from Dean’s lips only to realize his eyes weren’t safe either. He looked away and struggled against Dean’s tight hold around him. Dean refused to budge.

“Yes, yes I’m fine. I’m just….hungry…,” he complained lamely, not looking at Dean.

“Cas, calm down, babe.” Castiel muscles locked up and he went completely still, waiting for the raging beast in his stomach to calm down. He was so far from butterflies, it wasn’t even funny. Dean seemed to realize what he’d said and coughed uncomfortably.

“I’ll make breakfast this morning, yeah?” he offered gently and Cas slowly met his eyes. He had that adorable, wide eyed, terrified look on his face and now it was Dean’s turn to fight the urge to kiss Cas. They stared at each other for a dangerously long time, the intensity slowly growing until they both felt like they had been lit on fire. Dean blinked rapidly and looked away, slowly releasing Cas. Cas stood, relief tearing through him but also a sense of emptiness at the lack of contact. Dean stood as well and took a deep breath.

“Well, why don’t you head upstairs and take a shower while I cook breakfast?”

“Are you saying I stink, Dean?” he inquired, teasing him at a chance for lightness. Dean grinned and ruffled Cas’ hair.

“Yes, I am. Now get up there before I force your ass into the shower,” Dean teased and Cas laughed lightly, turning and heading up the stairs after getting directions to where the towels were. But, once the steaming water was rolling down his body, all the teasing and playfulness seemed to spiral down the drain. He liked Dean too much and after his dream the night before, he seemed to have this knew sense of obligation to protect Dean.

Flashes of the dream the night before overwhelmed Cas and he curled his fingers in his hair, pressing his forehead against the tiled walls of the shower. Maybe Dean would never want Cas the way Cas wanted Dean and maybe he would spend forever asking himself what if, but that wasn’t the point to him. The point was that being around Dean could possibly be the most dangerous thing for him, because he knew that his feelings would only increase with time and he might not be able to stop himself from being obvious. And maybe it wouldn’t matter to anyone in the school that Dean didn’t like him back and that was something he couldn’t risk.

He shut off the water and climbed out, hurriedly drying off and tugging his clothes on. Cas snuck into Dean’s room quietly and rummaged around before finding a pen and piece of scrap paper. He hurriedly scribbled down a quick note to Dean;

Dean,

I’m sorry. I need to clear my head. I have feelings for you that I shouldn’t and I need to get myself under control. Please, don’t contact me; don’t even talk to me at school. Not until I’m sure what I’m feeling is gone. You have to understand that I’m protecting you. I’m sorry.

Castiel

 He grabbed his vans and crept silently downstairs. He heard Dean humming from the living room and he closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before quietly slipping out the door.

The walk home was a lot longer than he’d been anticipating, but he loved going on walks and it gave him plenty of time to think. Cas had to continuously convince himself that his feelings for Dean would only get them both hurt and that cutting off contact from Dean was the only way to eliminate those feelings. But, every part of him wanted to turn right back around, storm through the door, scoop Dean up, and kiss him like nothing else. He managed not to do so though, clenching his hands into fists and breathing deeply to fight off the urges.

Once he arrived home, he headed up to his bedroom and grabbed his sketch book immediately, shedding his jacket and sitting on the center of his bed. He grabbed his favorite sketching pencil and began to hurry through a rough sketch of Dean’s beaten and lifeless form, the Dean he’d seen at the end of his dream. As soon as he finished, he put tape on the back of the paper and slammed against his wall. He stared at the picture for a moment, breathing heavily, and then he realized that the urge was still too strong. This wasn’t enough. Surging forward, he scrawled something on the bottom of the page in bold, dark letters.

KEEP HIM SAFE.

+++

Dean grew concerned after Cas didn’t return for nearly an hour. Frowning, he hurried up the steps and knocked on the shower door.

“Cas? You alright buddy?” he called. There was no response. His worry grew deeper and he headed back to his room to see if maybe Cas had gone in there for some reason. Dean didn’t find Cas, but he found the note and his stomach dropped as the words sank in.

“Shit, Cas, really?!” he shouted, crumbling the piece of paper and throwing it down. He hurriedly changed into a fresh pair of jeans and threw a red plaid button down over his black shirt, not bothering to button it up. He shoved his feet into his brown boots and then marched down the hall, pounding on Sammy’s door.

“Sammy! Open up you prick!” he called and a moment later, an exhausted looking, shirtless Sam opened the door with squinted eyes.

“Dean? What the hell are you doing up so early?” he grumbled, pushing the hair from his eyes.

“Cas gave me this,” he snarled, slamming the paper into Sam’s chest. Sam took it and frowned, uncrumpling it and reading it. His eyebrows shot up and he looked up to see Dean breathing heavily, a slightly panicked, slightly raged look to his eyes.

“You’re going after him then?” Sam inquired, though he already had the answer.

“Yes. Call dad for me, because he didn’t call yesterday, but I don’t have time to deal with his bullshit too.” Sam nodded and then Dean was running down the stairs, rushing to his car and tearing out of the driveway. He tried calling Castiel a few times, but there was no answer, so he left an angry message.

“Castiel Novak, you’re being stupid and making horribly wrong assumptions! So stop being a bitch and call me back!” he snarled into the phone and then hung up, scrolling through his contacts until he found the school’s secretary’s daughter’s number, Bethany.

“Hello?” came her soft answer.

“Beth! Hey babe! How are you?”

“Dean Winchester…,” she mumbled, sounding suddenly seductive. “I’m good, I’m good. How are you, dove?”

“I’m just peachy. Listen, I’m calling in on that favor.”

“Oh? And what can I do for ya, honey?”

“I need Castiel Novak’s home address.” There was a moment of stunned silence.

“Um…why…?”

“Because I need his help with psychology homework.”

“Darling, I can help you with that.” Dean closed his eyes for a half a second and then swerved to the side of the road, laying on the breaks.

“Bethany, if you repeat what I am about to tell you, I will find a way to make your life a living hell,” he snarled into the phone, leaning forward and pressing his forehead into the steering wheel, because he couldn’t believe he was about to do this.

“Okay…Dean, are you feeling alright, babe? You sound awful…”

“No, no I’m not feeling alright. I…,” he sighed and took a deep breath. “Cas is about to walk away from me, because he has feelings for me and I think it’s because he believes that I don’t reciprocate those feelings, but Beth I do…I do, I do….and I need you to tell me where he lives so I can go to him and change his mind. I know you probably think it’s disgusting, but I need you to do this for me. I need….I need…”

“Dean, calm down, love,” she whispered softly. “You need him; I can hear that in your voice. And I don’t think it’s disgusting, I think it’s beautiful. I’ve never ever heard that much emotion in your voice, not in the 17 years we’ve known each other. So, I’m going to get you his address and call you back, okay babe?” Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath, a smile tugging at his lips.

“Thank you, Beth, thank you,” he breathed and then hung up, clenching the phone tightly and remaining motionless. He didn’t know how long he waited like that, staring at his shoes with his forehead pressed into his steering wheel, but it felt like centuries before the phone was ringing again. He shot upright and tapped the answer button, pressing the phone to his ear.

“Beth?” he rasped.

“Yes, angel, it’s me,” she said reassuringly. “Do you have somewhere to write this down?”

“Uh, yeah, one sec,” he muttered and rubbed his forehead as he put her on speaker and then opened up the GPS app on his phone.

“I’m ready.” Beth read off the address and Dean thanked her about a million times before she hung up on him.

Dean followed the instructions his phone continued to give him and finally pulled up to a nice looking, one story house. He took a deep breath before throwing himself out of the car and hurrying to the door. After about 10 minutes of knocking, the door was pulled open by a man who looked so much like an older version of Cas, it was kind of breath taking. Except the dark circles under his eyes were darker and his eyes were blood shot and his hair was even messier.

“Can I help you, young man?” he asked, sounding confused.

“Uh…hi. My name is Dean Winchester. I attend school with your son and I really need to speak with him.” The man slowly blinked a few times and Dean nearly throttled him for the information, fluttering anxiously in the doorway.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Mr. Winchester. My name is James Novak,” he muttered and stretched his hand out. Dean shook it reluctantly. The more time it took to find Cas, the more anxious he became and the more anxious he became, the more he moved. His hands kept pushing through his hair or fluttering at his side or rubbing at his mouth and he kept shuffling his feet, eyes flickering around restlessly.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Mr. Novak,” he said hurriedly and James corked an eyebrow.

“Dean, can I ask why you need to find my son?” Dean bit his lip nervously.

“I just…I need to tell him something and it’s really important and no it can’t wait.” James narrowed his eyes and folded his arms, his body language exuding distrust.

“Are you on drugs, son?”

“What?! No! No, I’m not on drugs!”

“Well, either you’re on drugs or you’re in trouble, because no one moves like you’re moving unless it’s one of the two…” Dean sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Mr. Novak, your son is very important to me. He’s been at my house the last two days and he left me a note this morning saying he liked me and he couldn’t be friends with me until he stopped liking me. But there are so many problems with everything in that note and he needs to understand that.” James’ eyebrows shot up again and he studied Dean a moment.

“Well…you’re his type from what I can gather, so I’m going to believe you on this one. But, before I can let you go chasing down my son, I need you to explain to me what’s wrong with what he said in that note.” Dean blinked rapidly at the man and then shook his head to clear it before rushing on.

“Because I like him too and he’s doing this based off of some deranged belief that I _don’t_ like him and that I wouldn’t want to be friends with him because he likes me, but that’s not true! And sure, I understand the whole needing to protect me thing, because I have to protect him too, but for the love of God, he has to know I like him too! He can’t go on believing that I don’t care for him! What if…what if he…”

“What if he cut himself?” Dean stared at James with wide eyes and then nodded slowly, horrified. James took a deep breath and nodded.

“He’s at the boxing rink downtown. He left about five minutes before you showed up.”

“Thank you, Mr. Novak, thank you so much!” Dean gushed as he stumbled to his car and clumsily wrenched the door open.

It took him too long to get to the boxing rink and he couldn’t stop shifting around nervously. Slowly, the nerves became less about concern for his friend and more about nerves pertaining to what he was about to admit. Gushy, chic-flick moments were not something he had any sort of expertise with, especially if he meant them and didn’t have hours before a date to practice what he was going to say in hopes of getting lucky. No, what he was about to do was more terrifying than when he lost his virginity and almost as terrifying as when he thought Sammy was going to die after the accident when they were kids.

He pulled into the boxing rink and suddenly, he wasn’t in as much of a rush as he was before. His stomach felt queasy and every fiber inside him was screaming ‘THESE FEELINGS ARE TOO STRONG, YOU NEED TO RUN BEFORE YOU MAKE THE SORT OF ROOTS YOU CAN NEVER DIG OUT!’ But, he knew he had to tell Cas, he had to get this off his chest. So, he pushed the door open and slowly made his way up the stairs.

As he rounded the corner, he saw Cas standing in the middle of the rink with a dummy set up in front of him. He was shirtless and glistening with sweat, eyes locked on the dummy as his fists slammed into it with full force. Dean had never seen anyone look so dangerously livid, or so attractive, in all his life. He couldn’t help but to stand there and watch for a moment, marveling at the sheer force of energy that seemed to glow around Cas. It took his breath away. Castiel Novak took his breath away. He had one of those personalities that were positively gravitational. Everything they did seemed to pull you in and trap you in some sort of mind boggling orbit. Dean had never met someone so…bright and open and passionate.

“Careful,” Dean called and Cas nearly jumped out of his skin, eyes snapping up to meet Dean’s in surprise. “You might hurt your fists…or break the dummy…” Cas blinked a few times and then sighed, glaring slightly.

“I thought I told you not to contact me.” Dean rolled his eyes and walked forward, sliding into the rink and leaning against the dummy as he stared Cas down.

“You did…I’m just not very good at being told what to do.”

“Dean, stop-” Cas began, but Dean cut him off, suddenly angry.

“No, _you_ stop, Castiel! Stop acting like I don’t have feelings for you too! Stop making decisions that affect us both negatively!” Cas blinked in surprise again, face going pale.

“Wh…what?” he breathed, unable to comprehend what Dean was saying.

“Oh, come off it! There is no way in hell you can be under any allusion that I don’t have feelings for you too! I’ve not exactly been subtle, Cas!” Cas shook his head, looking dazed, and took a step back.

“I don’t…I don’t understand…,” he muttered. Dean reached out and gripped Castiel’s hand, pulling him close and then cupping his face gently.

“I like you, Cas. I like you more than I want to admit, even to myself. You don’t have any idea how crazy I’ve been driving myself looking for you, thinking that I was going to lose you. You don’t know how worried I’ve been that you might do something stupid.” Cas searched Dean’s eyes with wide, shocked ones, as though he still couldn’t comprehend what he was hearing.

“When…?”

“When did I start liking you?” Cas nodded. “The moment I laid eyes on you and I know that’s so cheesy it’s practically oozing, but it’s true. I saw you standing there and…and I dunno, something just clicked and it scared me, because I’d never ever in all my existence felt something like that. At first, it made me want to run, but then I started talking to you and it became so…easy and painless to like you.” Cas slowly lifted his hands and curled them around Dean’s wrists, pulling them away as he stepped back. Dean felt like his heart was being torn out of him.

“Dean, you can’t…,” Cas whispered.

“What do you mean I can’t?” Dean demanded a bit harshly.

“I mean that I know what it’s like to be gay and you’ll get hurt. I won’t be responsible for that, Dean,” he snapped back, giving him a harsh look. Dean shook his head and stepped forward, taking his hands and pressing his forehead against Cas’.

“I was afraid of you getting hurt, too, if I’m being honest. But then I thought I was going to have to be without you entirely and I can’t handle that.”

“So then we’ll be just friends?” Cas offered and Dean shook his head slowly.

“I can’t do that either. I can’t be around you, but not have you. I’ve not ever had to exercise that kind of restraint before and I won’t begin practicing now.”

“Then…then what?” Cas breathed.

“We date. You will be mine and I will be yours. But…but we keep it a secret. It’s the safe way to do this and still be together.”

“What if someone notices?” Cas worried.

“They won’t, Cas. I’ll keep you safe.”

“I’m more worried about you…”

“I can handle it, babe, I promise.”  Cas opened his eyes and met Dean’s with a bit of fear, but he nodded.

“Okay…,” he murmured and Dean grinned, causing Cas to smile in response. They stared into each other eyes for a moment and then Dean’s grin softened into a tiny smile. He leaned in slowly and very gently and very hesitantly…he pressed his lips against Cas’. Cas kissed back and for a moment, it was soft and slow and sweet. Then suddenly, fire seemed to rip through them both and Dean deepened the kiss, pressing closer and sliding his tongue along Cas’ bottom lip. Cas parted his lips immediately and Dean’s tongue swept inside. Dean let out a low groan of satisfaction and cupped the back of Cas’ neck, pulling him closer.

After a moment, Cas broke away to rest his forehead against Dean’s chest, panting heavily. Dean closed his eyes and rested his chin on the top of Cas’ head, wrapping his arms protectively around his boyfriend.

“Please tell me you didn’t block that out,” he whispered and Castiel laughed breathlessly.

“I didn’t,” he assured him softly.


	5. The Stars, The Universe, and Everything In Between

“Dean….this is too dangerous….they’re bound to notice…,” Cas grumbled, digging his feet into the ground to keep Dean from dragging him into the cafeteria.

“Cas, please, I don’t want to sit there without you,” Dean insisted, tugging on his arm again. Cas craned his neck to peer into the cafeteria and his nervous frown deepened. He shook his head.

“No. I’m not going to risk getting you hurt.” Dean groaned and scrubbed a hand over his face.

“Okay, you  have two options. Sit with me willingly or I will carry your ass into that cafeteria and strap you to the damn seat. Your choice,” he said and folded his arms, staring Cas down. Castiel folded his arms as well and studied him a moment with narrowed eyes before sighing and unfolding his arms, shoulders slumping in defeat.

“Alright, fine; I’ll go willingly,” he grumbled and Dean grinned in triumph, striding confidently into the cafeteria with a reluctant, pouting Cas at his heels. After they grabbed their lunches, they headed for Dean’s usual table.

“Dean, I’m not sure about this…,” Cas muttered, eyeing the table nervously. Dean sighed and shook his head.

“What are you even worried about? It’s not like we’re gonna make out or hold hands or anything.”

“But…what if they like….pick up on the fact that I’m gay?”

“They don’t have built in gaydars, you weirdo. Unless you come out and say it, they won’t even notice. Besides, what if they get mad and start yelling about my injury? I’ll need you with me then.” Cas’ eyes hardened and he locked his jaw, taking a deep breath. He flashed to the image of Dean bloody and beaten on the ground and then nodded to Dean. _Keep him safe_ , he kept chanting to himself.

“Alright, let’s go then,” he muttered. Dean smiled to himself, feeling triumphant, and marched over to the table.

“Hello, boys,” Dean said, sinking down into his usual seat. Cas stood there awkwardly for a moment, not seeing an empty seat for himself. Dean noticed and looked to the dark haired boy next to him, wracking his brain for the kid’s name.

“Trenton, move so Cas can sit there,” he said and thumped him on the back of the head. Trenton scowled, but stood and Cas threw him an apologetic look before sinking into the chair hesitantly. Everyone was staring at him and he was seconds away from puking.

“Boys, this is Castiel. Cas this is the lacrosse team,” Dean said, munching on a French fry casually as he introduced each boy by name. Cas smiled shyly and nodded to them.

“Dean tells us you’re a boxer,” Tony acknowledged, leaning forward and raising an eyebrow at Cas. Cas bit his lip and shrugged.

“Sorta. I mean, I know how, but I don’t compete,” he admitted.

“Yeah, he mentioned that too. Said something about you punching too hard?”

“Um, yeah….,” he muttered, flushing with embarrassment.

“How’d they find that out?”

“I shattered someone’s jaw during a practice round while training when I was eleven,” he said it so bluntly that the whole table seemed baffled. Dean just grinned proudly while Cas curled in on himself.

“What got you into boxing?”

“Anger management issues…” This was approaching dangerous territory, stuff he’d only ever talked about with his mom and therapist. He hadn’t even told Dean yet. Dean raised a surprised eyebrow. Tony, however, decided it wasn’t that interesting.

“So, why’d you move here.”

“My dad is a brain surgeon and a very skilled one. He wanted to work in a small town though so he took a position at the hospital just outside of town, the only one available.”

“What’s your mom do?”

“She’s dead.” Cas’ face became closed off and hard, because he hated talking about his mom, especially to strangers.

“Oh…,” Tony muttered, having the decency to look a bit embarrassed. “Well, I’m sorry to hear about that. What happened to her?” Cas glared and was about to tell Tony he could shove his question where the sun doesn’t shine, but Dean beat him to it.

“Come on, guys, what is this, CSI? Let’s drop the interrogation act, yeah?” Tony shrugged and leaned back in his chair, munching on his chips contently.

The rest of lunch, Cas remained silent, watching the lacrosse interact with each other. He liked the way Dean laughed, admiring the way his eyes crinkled up around the corners when he smiled wide enough. When he found himself staring, he jerked his head away and stared at his hands, tracing the patterns on the surface with his eyes as he listened to the world around him. Finally, the bell rang and he stood quickly, pausing only to wait for Dean before rushing out of the cafeteria.

“Whoa, hey, Cas! Wait up!” Dean called, hurrying after him. Cas stopped and turned to face him.

“Never again,” he muttered and Dean laughed.

“Oh, c’mon, it wasn’t _that_ bad!” Dean’s smile slowly faded as Cas stared at him with a traumatized gaze. “Was it…?” he asked uncertainly. Cas took a deep breath.

“I have social anxiety, Dean. It’s why I’ve never really had friends until now. People make me nervous and sick and anxious. I’m not good at being around them, let alone being interrogated by them!” Dean sighed and rubbed his mouth, leaning against the lockers and folding his arms.

“Cas, I’m sorry. I just….I dunno, I got used to having you around this weekend and then suddenly you’re gone all day except for when I see you in the hallway. I wanted more time with you,” he admitted, shrugging nonchalantly. Cas’ face softened and he sighed.

“Well…you’re gonna have to deal without me next time, because I don’t do that people crap.” Dean nodded, but was still pouting.

“Fine, fine. If you insist.” Cas watched his pouting face, which was adorable, for a moment and then smiled.

“How about you let me make up for it and come to my house tonight?” Dean slowly grinned, a wide, wolfish grin that glowed with mischief.

“Sounds good. How are you gonna make it up to me once I get there?” Cas smirked and shrugged.

“I dunno. Guess you’ll have to wait and see,” he muttered and sauntered off down the hall. Dean chuckled and shook his head.

“You’re evil!” he called down the hall.

“It’s a gift!” Cas threw back over his shoulder and Dean sighed contently, pushing off the wall and disappearing down the hall.

+++

After school, Sam hitched a ride to the library to study with Jess, so Dean was able to take the Impala to Cas’ house. He found himself arriving mysteriously before Castiel. He frowned, but shrugged it off and put on one of his favorite ACDC albums, jamming out in the car while he waited.

When Cas pulled into the driveway and parked next to him, he watched Dean flail around to the music with amusement. He’d have to teach the poor kid to dance, because that was just appalling…in a cute, clumsy puppy sort of way. He stepped out of his car, grabbing the pizza he’d picked up from the hole in the wall restaurant he’d found, and walked over to tap on Dean’s window. Dean nearly jumped out of his skin, scowling at Cas and stumbling out of the car.

“You scared the hell out of me!” he protested, but Cas just laughed and kissed him. Dean smiled and relaxed into him, arms going around his waist automatically as he pulled Cas closer. Cas wanted to stand there and kiss him all day, but he reluctantly forced himself to pull back.

“Alright, tough guy, let’s get inside and eat this pizza. I’m starving.” Dean chuckled and laced his fingers through Castiel’s, following him towards the house.

“Do you want me to pay you back for the pizza?” he asked, his thumb rubbing circles idly into the back of Cas’ hand. Cas snorted.

“Uh, no, this is my way of making amends for being a chicken and ditching you during lunch.”

“I thought you’d be more creative than that, babe,” he admitted and Cas smirked.

“Oh, but this is only the beginning.” Dean smiled with amusement and raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend, taking the pizza box from him so he could unlock and open the door.

“You’ve got me on the edge of my seat,” he said and Cas grinned.

“That’s exactly how I want it.” Cas took the pizza back and set it down on the kitchen table, turning back to Dean and smiling.

“Would you like me to give you the grand tour before we eat?”

“Yes, please,” Dean said chirpily, grinning back at Cas. Cas nodded and led him through the house, showing him the living room, bathroom, guest bedroom, dining room, back patio, his dad’s room (they didn’t go in though, because his dad was inside, sleeping), and then finally he pushed open the door to his own room, a little embarrassed. All his sketches covered the walls so that no white was visible. When he flicked on the light, instead of the overhead light coming on, a bunch of Christmas lights that he’d strung up all around his room flickered on so that the room was dimly lit. His bed was made, revealing the simple blue comforter and his sketch pad lay open on top. Dean smiled and walked in, peering around with interest.

“Cas…are these your sketches?” he murmured in awe. Cas flushed and shoved his hands into his pockets, rocking back on his heels and watching Dean nervously.

“Um, yeah. My mom and I shared the talent,” he admitted as Dean walked slowly around the room, examining it all.

“These are amazing! They look so realistic!” he praised and Cas smiled.

“Thanks.” Dean’s smile faded when he stopped in front of the sketch of himself lying on the floor, beaten to death with lifeless eyes. He brushed his fingers over the words at the bottom and then glanced over at Cas with a confused, pained expression. Cas sighed and walked over to stand next to Dean, staring at the picture sadly.

“My nightmare is kinda why I ran off in the first place. I’m so afraid you’ll get hurt, Dean….,” he whispered and Dean shook his head, reaching out and taking Cas’ hand.

“You should have told me you were having nightmares, babe. I could have helped,” he muttered and when Cas met his eyes, he saw that Dean was beating himself up. He frowned and turned to face Dean completely, shaking his head slowly.

“Dean, it’s not your fault I’m having nightmares. Don’t mess yourself up over it. I’m just overly worried about you,” he admitted and Dean frowned.

“I can take care of myself, Castiel. And I’ll take care of you too,” he assured him and Cas smiled.

“I know you can. It’s why I’m trying not to worry so much,” he said and kissed him softly, pulling back and heading back to the kitchen before Dean could take the kiss any further. Dean growled in frustration and shook his head, following after Cas.

They ate their pizza and watched TV, flipping through random channels. Cas sat snuggled into the crook of Dean’s arm, which was wrapped securely around his shoulders. Dean would randomly drop a kiss to the top of his head and Cas would return it with a kiss to the jaw. At around 7 pm, James came shuffling out in his work attire, blinking lazily at the two boys on the couch.

“Castiel?” he grumbled and Cas twisted around to smile at him.

“Hey dad! Off to work?”

“Uh, yeah. Are you….uh…are you dating?” James inquired and Dean flushed, standing to face him.

“Um, yes sir, I hope that’s alright,” he muttered, rubbing his neck awkwardly. Cas smirked.

“Oh, yes that’s fine! I’m glad, very glad. Did you boys have a nice day at school?”

“Yes, sir, we did,” Dean said, nodding and Cas bit back a laugh, smiling at his dad.

“What he said.” James nodded and took a deep breath.

“Alright, well, I’m off. I’ll see you tomorrow, Castiel. Dean,” James said, nodding to them both before slipping out the door. Dean stood there for a moment before plopping back down and pulling Cas back against him.

“You’re so formal,” Cas teased and Dean smirked, nudging him.

“My dad taught me to show respect, ass-hat,” he grumbled and Cas kissed his cheek.

“You’re adorable when you get defensive.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“Whatever. We’ve had our pizza. What’s the next part of your master plan to earn my forgiveness?” Cas smiled and shifted around to straddle Dean’s lap.

“I’ll show you,” he muttered and Dean grinned in anticipation, placing his hands on Cas’ hips. Cas smiled back and leaned down, brushing his lips lightly to Dean’s. Dean slid a hand slowly up Cas’ back, tangling his fingers in Cas’ hair and pulling him back for a proper kiss. Cas let his eyes droop closed and kissed Dean back urgently, their lips moving together like puzzle pieces clicking into place. Dean broke the kiss only to trail his lips down to Castiel’s neck, sucking softly on the sensitive skin. Cas let out a tiny sound somewhere between a gasp and a moan, tilting his head back to provide better access for Dean. Dean continued to kiss his neck a moment, biting down softly, and then his lips trailed back up to Castiel’s, almost desperately. Cas began to rock back and forth rhythmically, stirring up a moan in the back of Dean’s throat.

Dean probably could have spent all night kissing Cas, but the shrill sound of the ringing phone brought them apart. Dean groaned as Cas reached back and grabbed the phone, but stayed straddling Dean’s lap.

“Hello?” he asked a little breathlessly and then his face fell, eyes rolling to the ceiling. Dean could just barely make out the voice on the other end.

“Castiel, darling! How are you doing?” came a pleasant, female voice which was distinctly older.

“Hi, Aunt Naomi. I’m doing great, how are you?”

“Fine, fine. Is your father around?”

“No, he’s got the graveyard shift, remember?”

“Oh, that’s right! I completely forgot!” she sang, laughing on the other end as though it were hysterical. Dean watched Cas’ face with confusion, because Cas looked completely put out with his aunt.

“Well, listen, darling; the family reunion is going to be at the lake house this spring and I am absolutely dying to work out the schedule with your father, so please have him call me when he gets home.”

“He’ll want to sleep as soon as he walks through the door,” Cas argued, grinding his teeth together.

“That can wait, Hun. This is important and will only take few minutes.”

“I’ll see what I can do…,” Cas snapped.

“Thank you, dear. Now, tell me, did you go to that therapist I suggested.” Castiel closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, causing Dean to rub his back worriedly.

“Naomi, I don’t need a therapist for my sexual orientation. There’s nothing wrong with being gay,” he snarled. Dean tensed, eyes narrowing.

“Come now, Castiel, there is no need to get hostile! Homosexuality is a sin and a choice! I’m only trying to help!”

“Naomi….I’m going to hang up now…,” he warned, which was a lot more polite than Dean would have been.

“Fine, fine. But, we’ll be talking about this at the reunion.”

“Bye,” he grumbled and hung up, tossing the phone down and groaning as he buried his face in Dean’s chest. Dean held him tightly, kissing the top of his head.

“What was all that about?”

“That was my dad’s sister, Naomi. She’s a control freak and a bitch who can’t keep her nose in her own damn business. She’s always hated the fact that I’m gay and is very open about her opinion. I mean, there’s only two others aside from my dad that support my sexual orientation, but at least everyone else keeps their negative opinions to themselves! Naomi shoves it down my throat every chance she gets. And now I’ve got this stupid family reunion to go to during spring break and that’s going to be hell, because it always is,” he gripped as Dean rubbed his back soothingly.

“I’m sorry, babe. I wish there was some way I could help,” Dean muttered, feeling helpless. At first, Cas just grunted in response, but then an idea over took him and he raised his head, grinning.

“Maybe you _can_ help!” he cried and Dean frowned in confusion.

“How?”

“Come with me!”

“Uh…isn’t it a _family_ reunion?”

“My cousin, Balthazar, brings friends and girlfriends all the time, why can’t I?”

“Won’t Naomi tear you a new one if you bring your boyfriend?”

“Screw her! If you’re there, nothing else will matter.” Dean hesitated.

“I don’t feel comfortable leaving Sammy all alone…”

“You can bring him too! One year, Michael invited five friends without even asking. This is no different!” Dean studied him a moment and then shrugged, smiling.

“Alright, sounds good to me,” he muttered and Cas grinned, kissing him deeply.

“Thank you! Now I’m actually excited! You’ll love the lake house!” Dean smiled, pleased that he could make Cas so happy just by agreeing to be with him. In fact, the more he thought about it, the better the idea started to sound. Going with Cas meant that he could protect him from the ridicule of his family and keep a smile on his angel’s face.

After talking about Cas and his family for a while, Dean insisted that he wanted to watch Cas draw. Dean had always been fascinated with art and the fact that Cas was such an artist excited him. Cas protested for a while until Dean’s pouty green eyes finally persuaded him. He grabbed his pencils and his sketch pad and then came back to sit on the floor with his back against the couch. Dean made him scoot forward and sat behind him, one knee propped up and the other stretched out in front of him. He wrapped his arms around Cas and rested his chin on Cas’ shoulder, watching expectantly.

“What should I draw?” he asked and Dean hummed thoughtfully, running his fingers through Cas’ hair absently.

“Draw something that makes you happy,” he murmured and Cas hesitated for a moment before his pencil began to move. As always, Cas began to hum as he sketched, his thoughts carrying him off to foreign lands. His thoughts roamed to a memory of sitting with his mother in their sun room. The day was warm and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Birds chirped through the air and their sound wove together with the lulling voice of Marilyn Monroe, his mother’s favorite singer. They sat on the floor in front of the coffee table as his mother taught him to draw still life.

“You don’t have to punch stuff to find release, Castiel,” she murmured to him. “Music and drawing are great ways to express your emotions too.”

Cas’ humming slowly turned from a modern song, to his favorite Marilyn Monroe song, the one he listened to when missing his mom became too much; Anyone Can See I Love You. Moments after the song was over in his head, he finished up his sketch and blinked a few times, coming back to reality. He smiled at the page, flushing a little bit, and biting his lip. The picture was of Dean sitting on top of his Impala with wings spread elegantly away from his shoulders. It was rough and would need to be cleaned up later before he could put it on his wall, maybe he’d even need to add a few details, but the general idea was still there.

“Cas…,” Dean breathed, marveling at the picture. “That’s beautiful.”

“Thanks, babe,” he murmured, brushing his finger across the page.

“I make you happy then?” Cas nodded.

“I haven’t been this happy since before my mom got sick,” he admitted, blushing. Dean smiled and brushed a kiss to Cas’ shoulder. Cas twisted around to face Dean and grinned.

“Okay, tell me more about yourself. I know you play lacrosse and that you use humor as a coping mechanism. I know you’re great with words and that you like to get into fights. I know that you’re really protective of Sammy and a bunch of other stuff. But, there’s gotta be more.” Dean shrugged and took Cas’ hand, tracing patterns into his skin as he studied it.

“I’m not that interesting, Cas, honestly.”

“Bullshit. Spill Dean, this mysterious-tough-guy act is losing its sex appeal,” he teased and Dean smirked, shaking his head at him.

“Alright…well…I like classic rock. Sammy and I sometimes drive to this disserted field a few miles outside of town and drink beer while we watch the stars from the hood of my Impala. Those nights used to be the only time I was happy, but now I have you, so I’m better. Um…when my dad is home he takes Sammy and I to the shooting range, so I’m pretty handy with a gun. That’s really about it…,” he muttered, smiling as he met Cas’ adoring gaze.

“Dean…do you mind if I ask what happened to your mom?” Cas asked softly and Dean frowned, looking down at Cas’ hands and tracing the crease in his skin lightly.

“I was eight and Sammy was six. My dad was out on business trip and I was bored out of my mind, so I convinced Sammy to go for a bike ride with me. He, of course, didn’t want to go at first, because he never breaks the rules and mom had asked us not to leave the house. But, I was his big brother and if I said it was okay, then he trusted me. I was a stupid kid. Anyways, my mom apparently came looking for us. She was on the phone with my dad and he said she was out of her mind with worry, running all over the neighborhood looking for Sam and me. Long story short, this huge SUV slammed into her when she was trying to cross the street. Sam and I had heard her calling for us, so we rounded the corner just in time to see the car crash into her. It was like my whole world was covering the street in red…” he muttered, blinking back the tears rapidly. Cas’ heart broke for him and he reached out, gently touching his cheek. Dean looked up and met his eyes, smiling sadly.

“Dean, that wasn’t your fault. There’s no way you could have known that would happen.” Dean shrugged and leaned back. His face returned to that arrogant, smug mask it had been when they first met. That boy that looked like he had no depth or real moral. But, if you really knew him, if you really looked deeply into his eyes, you would see that he went a lot deeper than most other people went. The poor guy suffered a lot more than he let on and Cas suspected it was due to more than just the death of his mother. Something else tragic had happened to him to make him think that he was such an awful person.

That night, after Dean had left, Cas spent the night working on a drawing of Dean again. Only this time, he turned on his iPod and hooked up to his dock, playing Underneath by Adam Lambert. The song seemed to fit his passionate boyfriend and as he drew, the portrait seemed to take on a life of its own. When he was finished, he was looking at a sketch of Dean with half his face smiling and the other half expressionless with a single tear rolling down his cheek. He sighed and covered the sad half of the picture, just staring at the crinkles around his eyes and the dimples near the corner of his mouth fondly. He would find a way to make Dean’s soul happy, not just the surface of his heart.

+++

It had been two weeks and Dean was doing everything he could to avoid having Cas over. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to spend time with Cas, because that’s what he wanted more than anything. But, with his father back, he wanted to spend as much time away from home as possible and he wanted to keep Cas as far away from him as possible as well. The second week his father had been home, Dean had told him about dating Cas, just because he didn’t want to have to hide Cas at home as well as at school. It didn’t go over well at all.

He knocked on the door to his father’s study hesitantly, feeling small and insignificant. Sam was out with Jess, so they had the house to themselves. It was a good thing, because if his dad yelled, it would be less embarrassing. But, it was also a bad thing, because Sammy seemed to be the only one able to ebb his father’s rage. He could feel his heart thundering rabidly in his chest and the confidence draining from his body.

“Come in,” his father’s deep voice called and he closed his eyes, taking a slow breath before pushing the door open and shuffling inside. His dad was sitting behind his huge mahogany desk, reading a book with his feet propped up. Dean stood in front of the desk awkwardly, hands in his pockets as he rocked back and forth on his heels. John looked up and smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. At least he wasn’t drunk…

“What is it, Dean?” he asked and Dean sighed, looking down.

“Well…while you were gone…I met somebody….,” he muttered, peaking up at him through his eyelashes. John raised an eyebrow and leaned back in his chair, folding his arms.

“Oh? What’s her name?” Dean closed his eyes and tilted his head back, rubbing his neck awkwardly.

“Uh…his name is Castiel Novak…,” he muttered and opened his eyes, watching his dad warily. John blinked at him, eyes uncomprehending, and then he smiled wider.

“Oh! You mean you’ve met a new friend!” John said as though that cleared up everything. Dean bit his lip and looked away, rubbing his mouth nervously.

“Um, no. That’s not what I meant…” John’s smile collapsed and he rose, walking around to stand in front of his son. Dean eyed him guardedly, body tensing and knuckles clenching.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m dating this guy named Castiel Novak…,” he muttered, holding his breath.

“You’re gay?!” John demanded loudly, his face turning red. Dean winced away from him.

“No, not really…Cas is…special…,” he whispered, not meeting his father’s eyes.

“No! Your _mother_ was special! _Jess_ is special! This so called Cas is nothing but an infatuation and a phase, which I cannot condone!” John shouted. Dean’s eyes shot up angrily and narrowed.

“Why is it any different?! What’s so wrong about it?!” he shouted back. He barely had time to register his father’s risen hand before he was on the ground. Great, now he’d have a black eye. Beautiful.

“Do not raise your voice at me, Dean Winchester!” Dean didn’t respond, because there was no response he could give which wouldn’t earn him another slap across his face.

“Get up!” John shouted, grabbing him by his jacket and hauling Dean to his feet. Dean locked his jaw, bracing himself. “You are going to end this _relationship_ tomorrow at school or so help me god, you’ll regret it!”

“Dad, no! You don’t understand!” John smacked him again, but continued to keep him on his feet with his fists clenched in Dean’s jacket.

“I understand quite enough! What would your mother have to say about this?!” Dean flinched and glared back at his father, shoving him back so hard he stumbled into the desk. John stared at him incredulously. Dean had never disobeyed a direct order before.

“Mom would be happy for me, because I’m finally with someone that actually means something!” Dean screamed back, his face red and tears brimming in his eyes. “I’m not going to break up with Cas just because of your prejudiced, incompetent opinion! I won’t be the reason he’s in pain, so you can forget it!”

And with that, Dean stormed out of the study and grabbed his keys. He kicked open the front door, startling Sam who’d been walking up the steps to the door. Dean brushed past Sam angrily, annoying him as he called after Dean in confusion, and climbed into the Impala. He laid on the gas, speeding down the road at baffling speeds, even for him. The tears blurring his eyes were stronger than he was that night and they spilled relentlessly down his face. He blinked hard and clenched the wheel tightly, trying to push them back. But it wasn’t working. Most of the time, he was able to swallow them down and hide them beneath smiles and corny jokes. But he’d been holding them in too long and now they wouldn’t release him.

He thought of James’s easy acceptance of the fact that they were dating. He thought of Cas and James’s shared smiles. He thought of Sam and Jess, flirting in the doorway and of John’s blatant respect for their relationship. He thought of his mother’s soft smile as she assured him he could be anything he wanted. He thought of her warm hands touching his cheek when he cried, comforting him and telling him he was going to be okay.

The tears came harder and he couldn’t see enough to drive safely, but he kept driving anyways. He was almost to their field and then he would be safe.

Moments later, he swerved to the side of the road and wrenched the door open, stumbling out. He paced back and forth for a while before turning and kicking the wheel of his car. He screamed loudly until he felt like his throats were being ripped to shreds, curling his fists into his hair and falling to his knees. He doubled forward until his forehead was pressed into the dirt and sobbed loudly. All he’d ever wanted was his father’s acceptance and love, but no matter what he did, John always seemed displeased.

As soon as he managed to calm down, he sat back against the Impala and pulled his knees up to his chest. He fished around in his pocket until he found his phone and then scrolled through his contacts. He tapped Castiel’s number and took a deep breath, closing his eyes and praying that it wasn’t too late to reach him. He propped his elbow up on his knee and pressed his hand into his forehead, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

“Dean?” Cas’ confused voice answered and Dean sighed in relief, sniffling.

“Hey,” he whispered, his voice cracking a little.

“Babe, are you alright?” Cas’ confusion melted into worry. Dean smiled, the sound of his voice soothing his ache.

“Um…no,” he muttered, his throat closing up again.

“Where are you?” Cas demanded and the sound of rummaging came from the other end.

“That field I told you about. The one I go to with Sammy…,” he whispered, the tears sliding down his cheeks slowly.

“Give me the directions. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Ten minutes later and Castiel was pulling over to the side of the road. At first, he didn’t see Dean and panic raced through him. He staggered out of the car in a rush and ran around the side of the Impala. He sighed with relief when he saw Dean was sitting against the wheel on the other side, but then he noticed the tears and the broken look to his eyes. Cas’ heart shattered and he collapsed next to Dean.

“Babe…,” he whispered, stroking his cheek gently. “What happened?” Dean just shook his head, hanging it in defeat. His shoulders shook as he fought to keep the tears silent. Cas sat cross legged against the car as well and then pulled Dean’s head down so that it rested in his lap. He combed his fingers slowly through Dean’s hair and leaned forward, kissing his temple gently.

“He gets so angry,” Dean whimpered and Cas closed his eyes, feeling a tear slide down his own cheek. Seeing Dean in so much pain was nearly unbearable. “I don’t understand why he gets so angry.”

“Shh,” Cas whispered. “It’s okay, angel. I’m here now, you’re safe. Don’t cry, you’re safe,” he whispered over and over. At that moment, he would have sold his own soul to make Dean happy.

In that moment, he was in love. 

Dean finally calmed down and sat up, wiping at his eyes and taking deep breaths. He smiled over at Cas, forcing it a little, and then stood. He walked forward and shoved his hand into his back pocket, his other hand cupping the back of his neck as he tipped his head back to gaze up at the sky. Cas watched for a moment, studying the way the muscles in his back slowly relaxed and his hand came down to hide in his back pocket just like the other one. His beautiful green eyes never stopped searching the sky, as though he were trying to find his mother among the stars.

“Thank you,” he said softly after a moment. “For coming and meeting me here.” Cas smiled and stood, walking over and wrapping his arms around him from behind. He kissed his shoulder softly before resting his chin on it.

“Of course, babe. Anytime,” he muttered. Dean smiled and leaned his head against Cas’. But not before Cas noticed the black eye. He frowned and pulled back, walking around to stand in front of Dean and examine his face.

“Dean! What happened!” He brushed his finger across the bruise lightly and Dean flinched away, looking down and sighing.

“My dad…he doesn’t contain his anger well.” Cas stared at him for a moment, shock flaring into rage.

“HE _HIT_ YOU?!” Cas cried and Dean shrugged, watching his feet shamefully. Cas was breathing heavily, confusion and outrage waging a war inside him.

“But… _why_?!” he demanded, unable to fathom why _anyone_ would want to hurt his Dean, let alone Dean’s own _father_!

“I told him about dating you,” he admitted and Cas locked his jaw, eyes hardening as the rage settled in.

“Let’s go,” he growled, his voice dark as he stormed towards his car.

“Wait, where are we going?” Dean called, jogging after him.

“We’re going to talk to your father,” Cas snapped, fumbling with his keys. Dean caught his hand and turned Cas around to face him.

“Cas, no,” he pleaded, gripping his hand tightly. His eyes looked terrified and that fueled Castiel’s rage. Dean was reminded of the night he’d told Cas of his feelings, when he’d been punching the dummy hard enough to break someone’s jaw and staring at it with that chillingly livid expression.

“This is not ever happening again. It ends tonight,” Cas said sternly, staring into Dean’s eyes with confidence. Dean just shook his head and Cas’ expression softened for a moment. He pulled Dean in for a hug and Dean buried his face in Cas’ neck, taking a deep breath.

“What if he hurts you?” Dean whispered, closing his eyes and squeezing him tighter. “I couldn’t handle it if you got hurt.” Cas smiled and kissed the side of his boyfriend’s head, shaking his head.

“Dean, he won’t be able to hurt me, I promise. I won’t give him the chance,” he muttered and ran his fingers through Dean’s hair.

“I still don’t like it…,” Dean protested, pulling back and studying Cas’ face worriedly. Upon seeing Dean’s black eye again, Cas’ expression hardened.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m not going to let him hurt you again. I have to do this, babe.” Dean sighed.

“Fine. I’ll follow you,” he muttered and Cas nodded, kissing him deeply before climbing into his car. Dean did the same and they both pulled out of the field, speeding to Dean’s home.

Cas slammed his car door and jogged down the stone path that led to the Winchester home. Dean was directly behind him, following close at his heels to make sure Castiel didn’t kill his dad. Cas threw the door open and looked around. John had been waiting for Dean to return home and upon seeing Cas, he wrenched to his feet in outrage. Cas glowered and marched forward, standing only a foot away from the man. Dean hovered behind him worriedly.

“Who are y-” John began, but Cas interrupted him.

“You are a massive dick!” he shouted. “I understand that when you’re wife died, your whole world ended, but that doesn’t give you the right to be an absent, abusive asshole! Dean is a good kid; a good _troubled_ kid who needs you! Both of your kids need you! But you’re too busy sticking your self-centered head up your ass to be there for them! All of that’s beside the point though! I came here to warn you that if Dean ever comes to me in less than perfect condition again and I find out you’re responsible, I will beat you within an inch of your life. Then, when I’m done with you, I will have both your kids taken safely away from you. Understand?” Cas demanded, staring him hard in the eyes. John looked more than livid.

“Young man, I don’t know who you are, but-” Cas interrupted him again, stepping closer and narrowing his eyes.

“My name is Castiel Novak, the boy who is dating your son and who will love him more than anyone else in this world ever could until the day I die,” he snarled, voice venomous and eyes dangerous. John opened his mouth to say something, but Dean pushed them apart, stepping between them. He reached behind him and gently pressed Castiel even farther back as he stared his father down.

“I…I’m going to stay with Cas tonight….I’m sorry,” he muttered and turned, having to continuously push Cas back until they were out the door. They were gone almost as fast as they had come. He slammed the door closed and turned to Cas, taking his face gently. Cas wouldn’t meet his eyes, breathing heavily and staring at the door like he wanted to tear it down and rip John to shreds.

“Cas, look at me,” Dean breathed, rubbing his thumbs soothingly against Cas’ soft skin. Cas continued to stare down the door. Dean sighed and shook his head, leaning in and pressing his lips against Castiel’s roughly. Cas blinked and then relaxed, closing his eyes and kissing Dean back automatically. Dean relaxed as well, sliding his hands down Cas’ chest and then wrapping them around his waist so he could pull him closer. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck and deepened the kiss further. Dean stumbled back against the door and chuckled, pulling back and touching his forehead to Cas’.

“Better?” he asked. Cas smiled and closed his eyes again.

“Yeah, I guess,” he whispered.

“Let’s get you home then,” Dean said, taking his hand and heading to Cas car. He patted the back of his Impala and sighed forlornly.

“Sorry, Baby,” he muttered, frowning at her. “I promise to be back tomorrow.” Cas chuckled and shook his head, opening Dean’s door for him before climbing into the driver’s seat and pulling out.

That night, after Dean changed into a pair of Cas’ sweatpants, they crawled into bed together and Cas curled up against Dean’s chest. Dean kissed the top of his head and rubbed his shoulder soothingly, marveling at the way Cas’ skin felt against his own since they were both shirtless. Cas tangled his legs with Dean’s and yawned noisily, his nose crinkling up in the cutest way. Dean smiled, feeling at ease and safe with Cas in his arms. Cas traced Dean’s abs distractedly and Dean shivered, sliding his fingers through Cas’ hair. It felt like home for both of them.

“Cas…?” Dean asked after a moment of silence.

“Hmm?” Cas murmured.

“You’re kinda scary when you’re mad.” Cas chuckled and looked up at him with a lazy smile.

“I thought I was about as intimidating as a baby penguin.”

“No, you’re scary as fuck when you wanna be. I thought you were gonna kill my dad.”

“I might have. If I thought it wouldn’t hurt you, I would have.”

“It’s hot when you get protective,” Dean said, smirking and Cas grinned back. He rested his head back against Dean’s chest and pulled the blankets up around his bare shoulders. They were both silent for a moment and then Dean spoke again.

“Oh, and Cas?”

“Yeah babe?” Cas wondered, looking up at him curiously. Dean leaned down until his lips brushed against Cas’ ear as he spoke.

“I love you too,” he whispered and Cas’ heart stuttered in his chest, stopping and then starting again at twice his normal speed. He had almost forgotten he’d said that and it surprised him that Dean had remembered, let alone returned the feelings. He stared at Dean with wide eyes, breathing heavily, unable to comprehend that someone actually loved him back. He’d been convinced for the longest time that he’d die alone and now he had Dean and he felt like there was this whole bright future ahead of him, filled with happiness and Dean’s laughter.

Smiling widely, he leaned up and pressed his lips against Dean’s. Dean kissed back, curling his fingers in Cas’ hair and closing  his eyes. Dean rolled them around so that he hovered over top of Cas, holding himself up on his elbows, and deepened the kiss. Cas ran his hands across Dean’s abs and ran his tongue along his lower lip, causing Dean to part his lip immediately in response. Dean broke the kiss to let Cas catch his breath and kissed the corner of his mouth to his cheek and the stopped at his neck, kissing the skin softly. Cas panted, squeezing his eyes shut and smiling through his breathlessness. Cas was convinced that no one could kiss like Dean and Dean had never been kissed the way Cas kissed him. It was so different for them both, so foreign from what they were used to. But it was good. It was like their own little piece of the universe that no one else would ever experience, because no one would ever fit with either of them the way they fit together. It wasn’t just that their bodies seemed to fit together like puzzle pieces, but their very souls seemed to be pulling out towards each other with a savage desire to meld themselves into one being.

It was a love as vast and untouched as space. Only a small few ever experienced its miracle and the rest could only wonder, but they would never be able to understand what it was like to hold the very stars in their palms.


	6. Spring Break Madness

The months seemed to rush past in a blur, the days spilling lazily into the next. School was hardest for the new couple, because of all the secretiveness. Outside of Sam and Bethany, no one else seemed to have any clue they were together, but that was only because the two barely saw each other except during psychology and when they passed each other in the halls. Of course, Dean often wanted to screw the whole secret and grab Cas in the middle of the hallway to kiss him until they both ran out of breath. But, Cas seemed to be able to sense when Dean was in one of those moods, and would meet Dean’s eyes only to shake his head no.

Not only did Dean and Cas grow closer through their time together, but so did Cas and Sam. They both had a lot of the same elective classes and Sam was glad there was someone else around to help Dean with his homework, though Dean was a lot smarter than he and everyone else gave him credit for. Cas also helped Sam to finally ask Jess on a proper, official date, because all of Dean’s methods seemed too blunt and forward. Jess became good friends with Cas as well upon figuring out that Castiel’s speech was what finally shoved Sam in the right direction. With so many friends and a boyfriend who loved him, Cas forgot all about his cutting problem. Dean, however, had not forgotten and he would discreetly check his arms every so often. He was pleased to find that Cas didn’t seem to have the urge anymore. It pleased him even more to realize he was the reason and it made him feel like maybe he wasn’t such a bad person after all.

The closer it got to spring break, the harder Cas and Dean found it to talk about anything else. Cas was mostly excited to see his two cousins, Gabriel and Balthazar. He claimed that Sam and Dean would love them, although Balthazar could be a bit pretentious and Gabe talked too much. Sam was excited, but also reluctant to leave his best friend and now girlfriend. Jess insisted it was fine, claiming she would just be distracted with swim team practice the whole time anyways. Cas suggested Skyping and phone calls every night and morning and that helped the two of them feel better about being apart. Dean was mostly going because of the pool and the chance to get to know Cas and his family even more. He was hoping he might be able to change Naomi’s mind about Castiel’s sexual orientation, but he tried not to bank too much on that hope. He didn’t want to get too disappointed.

The day before March 17th, Dean and Sam followed Cas back to his house to stay the night so that they could leave for Virginia early the next morning. Sam and James hit it off almost immediately, both of them discovering they shared a common interest in medicine, although Sam was beginning to lean towards being a lawyer rather than a doctor.

Before they went to bed,  James pulled Dean aside.

“Dean, I have to warn you; my sister Naomi is a very closed minded woman. I’ve told her that you and Sam are coming and of course she threw her fit, but that doesn’t mean she won’t throw about five more the whole time we’re there. Just try and be patient with her. She…she means well, Dean, she really does.” Dean nodded.

“I will, sir, but she can’t say anything rude to, Cas. I can’t promise I won’t lose it if she does.” Now it was James’ turn to nod.

“I’ll back you up, Dean. I don’t like when she talks down to Cas either.”

“Thank you, Mr. Novak.” James smiled and clapped him on the shoulder.

“You’re welcome, son. Now, get to bed. We’ve got a long drive tomorrow.” Dean smiled and then disappeared after Cas, relieved that James seemed okay with Dean putting Naomi in her place.

+++

Dean’s foot tapped nervously against the floor of the Impala, watching as the sign slid past stating they were only 10 miles from Fairfield, Virginia; the lake house. They had driven all day the day before and then most of that day and throughout the whole time, Dean’s excitement had ebbed away into nerves. He was gripping the steering wheel so tightly, his knuckles turned white and he was staring down the car in front of him which held James Novak, the only one in their party of four who knew where he was going. Dean was practically riding his tail in a desperate attempt not to lose him. Cas reached over and squeezed his knee, smiling reassuringly. Dean glanced back and smiled tensely, trying to calm down.

“Breathe, babe. They’re going to love you.”

“No, Balthazar and Gabe will tolerate me. The rest of them will want to rip my throat out.” Cas considered this a moment and then smirked.

“Yeah, you’re probably right, but I’ll protect you. Don’t worry.” Dean rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

“Oh that’s so comforting, thank you, Castiel,” he grumbled and Cas chuckled.

“Hey, Dean,” Sam asked, leaning forward from the backseat to be included in the conversation. “When was the last time you met the parents of the person you were in a relationship with?” Dean glared at him.

“Never. I only did one night stands before Cas,” he snapped. “You know that.”

“Uhuh, so it’s probably safe to say that you’re gonna screw this up?”

“Sam! Leave your brother alone!” Cas shouted, but he was smiling with amusement. Dean scowled at them both and then turned back to watch James’ car with a huff. Cas laughed and leaned over, kissing his cheek.

“You’re adorable when you pout,” he whispered and Dean’s glare stretched into a grin.

“Thanks babe,” he muttered and turned his head to kiss Castiel on the lips.

“Oh my god guys! Can you wait until we’re at the lake house, please!” Sam groaned and Dean glanced back at him.

“Sorry, Sammy, but this is what you get for encroaching on our privacy and choosing to be the third wheel.”

“Encroaching?! Dude, you _invited_ me!”

“Details, details,” Cas muttered, waving his hand and Sam rolled his eyes, leaning back and folding his arms.

Finally, James turned onto an exit and Dean carefully followed him. They drove through an expensive neighborhood for a while before pulling off onto a small, dirt road that winded several miles through dense forest. And then, all of a sudden, it opened up into a huge clearing that revealed a two story mansion with huge oak trees dotting the massive lawn which spilled down into a gaping lake. There was dock not far behind the house and another house could be seen across the impressive pond. There was an intricate garden to the left of the house which marched all the way to the tree line. From the parking lot, you could just barely make out the gazebo at the edge of the water. It was absolutely beautiful.

“Whoa…,” Sam murmured from the back seat and Dean nodded.

“Whoa…,” he said in agreement. Cas laughed and shook his head, climbing out of the car. Just as he closed the door, the front door of the house flew open and a tall kid with messy, light brown hair and a goofy grin came tumbling out.

“Castiel!” he cried and streaked across the lawn to tackle Cas in a bear hug. Dean tensed, but reminded himself that these people were his family and relaxed again.

“Gabriel!” Cas cried and pulled back, holding him by the shoulders at arm’s length. “It’s good to see you man!” Dean came around the car to stand behind Cas, putting on a pleasant smile. He saw something move on the edge of his vision and looked up to see a teenaged guy with quiffed, blonde hair moving gracefully down the steps and sauntering across the lawn with a lazy smile. That had to be the ever pretentious Balthazar. He didn’t know who else it could be.

“Cassy, how lovely. I thought you’d never get here,” the blonde guy said and Cas grinned, moving to pull him into a hug.

“Balthazar, you prick, why haven’t you been emailing me!” Cas shouted and shoved his shoulder playfully. Balthazar grinned, clearly fond of Castiel. Dean also couldn’t help but notice that Gabe and Sam were staring at each other.

“Internets a bitch, love, I’m sorry. I’ll keep in better contact this time, I promise,” he said and Cas nodded.

“You better or I’ll kick your ass.” Gabriel cleared his throat and nudged Cas in the side.

“Aren’t you going to introduce us?” he asked and Cas eyes lit up as though he’d just remembered Dean and Sam were there.

“Oh, god I’m an ass. Balthazar, Gabe, this is my boyfriend Dean and his brother Sam. Sam, Dean, these are my cousins; Balthazar and Gabriel.” Dean smiled and held out a hand to Gabe who shook it enthusiastically.

“It’s nice to finally meet the sex god in the flesh,” Gabe said, winking. “I’ve heard so much about you in Castiel’s colorful emails.” Cas punched him in the shoulder and then Gabe turned to Sam, shaking his hand with even more enthusiasm.

“Although, he failed to mention just how cute his younger brother was.” Sam blushed furiously and smiled, pushing his long hair from his eyes.

“Uh…thanks,” Sam muttered awkwardly.

“Oh, Gabe. Stop making Castiel’s guests uncomfortable. You’ll run them off before they’ve even seen the pool,” Balthazar slurred and then he smiled, stretching his hand out to Dean. Dean smiled back and shook firmly, feeling as though he were drowning. He had the strange urge to grab Cas and Sammy and run for the hills, but he refrained, simply because Cas was practically glowing with happiness.

“Alright, alright, you two,” Cas said, waving them back a few steps. “Give the boys some breathing room. How’s about you help with the bags, yeah?”

“Can’t,” Balthazar mumbled, turning and ambling back towards the house. “I just took a shower. Wouldn’t want to get all sweaty again.” Cas rolled his eyes.

“I’ll help,” Gabe assured Cas. Dean felt uncomfortable as Gabe grabbed his duffle bag. He wasn’t used to people doing things for him, he was used to taking care of everyone else. It was awkward for him and Sam seemed to feel the same, especially with the flirtatious wink Gabe sent his way before he jogged into the house. James had already been inside with his own bags, but he came back out and he and Sam together collected the last of the bags. Dean closed the trunk of the Impala and then turned back to Cas, leaning against the car.

“Well…,” he mumbled, smirking. “They’re very…lively.” Cas chuckled and took his boyfriend’s hand, pulling him off of the car and wrapping his arms around his waist. Cas rested his chin on Dean’s chest and smiled up at him lethargically. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and kissed the tip of his nose, smiling affectionately.

“So you like them?” Cas asked and Dean nodded.

“Yeah. They seem like good people and they obviously love you, so how could I not love them as well?” Cas grinned and stood on his tiptoes to kiss Dean gently on the lips. Dean kissed back, closing his eyes and leaning down to make it easier for Cas.

“Oi! Love birds!” Balthazar called from the door and Dean looked up with a little bit of annoyance. “Get inside before Naomi throws a bitch fit and bans us all from the pool!” Cas chuckled and slipped his hand into Dean’s, leading him into the house. As soon as Dean walked in, he was regretting having come. The house was massive with a huge fireplace, plush carpets, luxurious couches, and two stair cases leading up to the second level of the mansion. Next to the right set of stair cases, there was an open doorway which seemed to lead into a dining room of sorts. The dining room had French doors which gave a few of the pool and lake. There was another open doorway next to the left set of stairs, but Dean couldn’t see where it led.

Two couples stood in front of James and Sam in the living room, talking and smiling. But, when Dean and Cas walked in, their smiles melted and they stared at their connected hands with detest. The couple standing closest to them was a short, beautiful blonde woman with piercing blue eyes and pale skin. Her arm was linked through the arm of a tall man with light brown hair, a slight tan, and chocolate brown eyes. They forced smiles onto their too perfect faces, but it was clear they weren’t fond of Dean and his status as Castiel’s boyfriend. But, no one looked so displeased as the couple next to them. The man was extremely tall with pale skin, dark hair, and dark eyes and the woman on his arm wasn’t much shorter. She also happened to be the most intimidating person there with four inch, pointed heels and a crisp grey work suit. Her dark red hair was tied into a simple bun and her venomous green eyes stared at Dean with distrust and hate.

“Dean! Come over here and let me introduce you!” Dean forced a smile and hesitated, glancing at Cas nervously. Cas gave him a wide smile and squeezed his hand reassuringly, giving him enough confidence to approach the group of intimidating adults.

“These are Hester and Ureal,” James said, gesturing to the blonde and brunette couple. “And this is Naomi and her husband, Raphael.” Dean nodded to them with a timid smile and offered his hand.

“It’s very nice to meet you,” he said, but all his usual confidence was gone. Cas rubbed a soothing circle into the skin on the back of his hand with his thumb, worried his boyfriend might spontaneously combust. Hester ended up being the one to shake his hand first.

“It’s nice to meet you as well, Dean…,” she said with a pleasant smile. Ureal shook his hand, but didn’t bother with pleasantries or smiles. Neither did Naomi or Raphael. They just stared at him like he were a test subject. Dean was slightly reminded of the first time he ever saw Cas, the way he’d stared at him with curiosity and confusion. Now he could see the family resemblance.

“James tells us that you are a mechanic,” Hester said conversationally. Dean stuffed his hand into his pocket and lifted a shoulder.

“Yes, ma’am. I work with my uncle Bobby at an auto shop,” he admitted. His back was rigid as though someone had shoved a rob up his ass and his eyes were more serious then Cas had seen them since the last night his father hit him. Cas thought he kind of resembled a soldier and it made his chest tighten. He didn’t like this side to Dean. Hester nodded as though this were very interesting. James smiled, hoping this meant that his family was going to play nice, and he left the room, heading towards the dining room which opened into the kitchen. He was dying for a cup of coffee.

“James was just telling us that your brother is looking to go to school to become a lawyer,” Naomi stated and Dean smiled proudly.

“He’s very smart, ma’am. He’ll be the best lawyer to ever grace the courts,” he said, relaxing a little as he grinned at Sammy. Sam blushed and looked away, but he was smiling too. Dean was comfortable with talking about Sam; Sam was a topic he was very familiar with.

“And what do you plan to do after high school?” Raphael inquired. Dean’s smile collapsed and he went rigid again.

“I, uhm…I’m not sure, sir. I haven’t really thought much about my future.” Their faces darkened and annoyance shot through Cas. Of course his family would only see a kid who didn’t care about his future. Of course they wouldn’t see the fact that Dean was so focused on making sure Sammy got into college and got food into his body that he didn’t have time to focus on himself. And of course they wouldn’t see Dean’s undying loyalty to Sam and his devotion to making him happy. Of course they would just immediately assume Dean was just a carefree, irresponsible teenager. Of course they wouldn’t recognize the darkness in Dean that spoke of tragedy and heartache. Of course his family would have to completely suck ass and assume the worst of perhaps the best person Cas had ever met. Of course, of course, of course.

“Hey, love birds!” Balthazar suddenly called, leaning against the balcony on the second level that over looked the first. Cas glanced up and smiled at his cousin. “Where should would you put your bags?” Naomi parted her lips to answer, but Castiel beat her to it.

“Is the room with the view of the lake available?”

“Yup! Anna wanted it, but I kicked her out, because I know how much you love the view.”

“Great! You can put our bags in there!”

“Got it!”

“Thanks, Balthazar!”

“Anytime, love!” When Cas looked back to his family, Naomi looked outraged.

“You are not going to be sleeping in the same room together!” she cried. Just as she said this, James returned, walking slowly to keep his coffee from spilling all over the place.

“Why not?” Cas demanded, glaring. “Balthazar’s girlfriends stay in his room with him!”

“This is different, Castiel, and you know it! James, tell him!” Naomi cried and James looked up from his seat on the couch, sipping his coffee and arching an eyebrow.

“I don’t see the problem,” he muttered and Naomi’s glower deepened.

“James, they are hormonal teenagers with a strong attraction to each other! They could….they could have _sex_ ,” she hissed and James stared at her as though he still wasn’t comprehending what she was saying.

“So? It’s not like either of them could get pregnant.” Dean and Cas both bit back their laughter, trying not to smile.

“That’s not the point! They’re underage and certainly not married!” James rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Naomi, I trust my son and Dean to make the right decisions. Castiel will be 18 in February, Dean turned 18 last January. They’re nearly adults. Besides, I’m Castiel’s father and Dean’s chaperone, I make the decisions for them and I say if they wish to stay in the same room, they can.” Naomi glared for a moment and then tilted her chin up haughtily.

“Fine. I suppose they may stay together.”

“Hey, Sammy!” Gabe called suddenly from the balcony. Sam and Dean flinched, unused to other people calling Sam by the affectionate nickname, but decided not to say anything. “Where do you want us to put your stuff?”

“The room closest to ours,” Dean answered immediately and Sam nodded. Gabe raised an eyebrow then shrugged, turning back and disappearing down the hall. Castiel took a deep breath and smiled up at Dean.

“Why don’t we go upstairs and I’ll show you both to your rooms,” he offered and Dean nodded, eager to leave the adults even though they were all heading into the kitchen to get coffee as well. Dean and Sam followed Cas up the stairs and Dean felt himself slowly relaxing.

“Well, that was horrifying,” Sam muttered and Dean chuckled.

“Understatement of the century,” he agreed and they smirked at each other.

“That was almost at awkward as when dad and Bobby got into that argument and started fighting.”

“I think that was worse,” Dean disagreed and they both snickered.

“I’m glad you two find it funny,” Cas muttered, shaking his head as he lead them down the hallways towards the right.

“It’s better to laugh than to mope,” Sam offered and Cas considered this a moment before nodding in agreement.

“Good point.” Just then, Gabe came stumbling out of one of the room, laughing. A pillow came flying out after him and smacked into his face, but his huge grin didn’t waver.

“Gabe you absolute moron!” came the livid voice of a young girl and then she appeared in the doorway, glowering with a towel wrapped around her to cover her body. She had long, sopping wet red hair and chocolate brown eyes which stared angrily at the amused Gabe.

“Can you be any more annoying?!” she demanded and Cas sighed.

“Anna, what happened?” he asked and she glanced over at him in surprise.

“Oh, Castiel. I didn’t know you’d arrived!” she said and smiled, coming forward to give him a one armed hug. Sam and Dean glanced at each other, looking terrified at the sight of the very beautiful, nearly naked girl.

“How have you been, darling?” she asked, sounding very much like Naomi.

“I’ve been great and you?” he asked, smiling. Anna sighed.

“Well, I was doing fabulously until _Gabriel_ interrupted my shower and dumped ice water on top of me,” she hissed, glowering at Gabe who snickered.

“Sam, would you like me to show you to your room?” he asked, ignoring Anna’s glare and Sam glanced to Dean. Dean shrugged, letting Sam know it was up to him, so Sam nodded and followed Gabe down the hall.

“It’s Gabe, Anna. What did you expect?” Castiel said, smiling after them with an entertained smile. Anna laughed and leaned against the doorway.

“You make a good point,” she allowed and then glanced at Dean, sizing him up with a flirtatious smirk. Cas’ eyes hardened.

“Who are your guests?” she inquired, her voice dropping into seductive territories. Dean seemed unfazed.

“That was Sam, Dean’s brother and this is Dean. My boyfriend,” Castiel said a little harshly. Anna blinked and her smile became forced.

“Ah. I see. Well, it was nice to meet you, but I really ought to get dressed,” she said, waving vaguely. “I’ll see you two later.” Anna disappeared back into her room and Cas huffed, marching off down the hall. Dean frowned and hurried after Cas, wondering what had him all upset.

He was about to say something, but then he entered the room Cas had disappeared into and it took his breath away. It was huge with plush carpeting and mahogany furniture. The bed was king sized with a canopy that you could close to shut the world out. There was a huge window overlooking the lake and pool with two chairs and a circular table sitting in front of it. There was a walk in closet and a huge bathroom with a fancy shower, Jacuzzi tub, and two sinks.  It was light and open and gorgeous. Dean blinked a few times, walking around and examining everything with awe.  

“Cas….this is the coolest thing ever,” he marveled and Cas sat on the edge of the bed, smiling at Dean’s awe.

“I’m glad you like it. I’ve kind of gotten used to it after all these years,” he admitted, shrugging and looking around indifferently. Dean turned back to face him and his heart fluttered strangely. Cas looked surprisingly attractive with the sunlight making his eyes sparkle and his hair a tousled mess all over his head. He was wearing the cologne that made Dean’s mouth water and a tight grey shirt with those jeans that fit him just right. Cas leaned back, bracing himself on the bed with his hands, and crossed his ankles in front of him. His shirt rode up just a little and Dean swallowed hard. Cas raised an eyebrow at him curiously.

“What are you staring at?” he asked, smirking. Dean smiled back and walked forward to stand in front of him. Cas sat up straight and spread his legs so that Dean could stand between them.

“You,” Dean muttered, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Cas’ lips. Cas kissed back urgently, relaxing under Dean’s lips and allowing his eyes to slide closed. Dean cupped Cas’ face in his hands and sighed contently. When he was kissing Cas, he could completely forget about everyone else in the house and all the stresses they caused him. He could escape to his own little piece of heaven. Cas curled his fingers through Dean’s belt loops, pushing himself back further onto the bed and pulling Dean down with him. Dean held himself up on his elbows and smiled down at Cas.

“I love you,” he whispered and Castiel grinned, kissing him deeply for a moment.

“I love you too,” he whispered back and they kissed again. Their lips parted simultaneously and moved together as though they’d been kissing each other for years. Cas’ hands slipped under Dean’s shirt to trail slowly up his stomach and chest. He would have ripped Dean’s shirt off at this point, absolutely done with abstinence, but there was suddenly a voice coming from the doorway, causing the two boys to jump apart. Dean almost tumbled off the bed, but managed to catch himself.

“Well, this is interesting…,” said a boy standing in the doorway. He was almost as tall as Sammy, which was pretty tall, with dark hair and dull green eyes.

“Michael!” Cas cried, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat and situated his shirt, blinking rapidly. “How can I help you?”

“I was sent to bring you downstairs for lunch, though I can see you two will need a moment,” he muttered, turning and disappearing down the stairs before either Cas or Dean could say anything. Dean glanced at Cas and they both laughed, shaking their heads and climbing out of bed. Cas was about to leave the room when Dean grabbed his hand, pulling him back and wrapping an arm around his waist as he tugged him close. He smirked down at Cas and kissed.

“We’re finishing that tonight, just so you know,” he muttered and grinned, winking. Castiel grinned and kissed his forehead.

“Most definitely. I’m not done with you,” he teased back and then pulled away, taking his hand and leading him back out.

+++

Luckily, lunch wasn’t as awkward as Dean, Cas, and Sam had all expected it to be. The adults ate inside, but the teens all went out to eat on the back patio where they could see the lake and pool. The sandwiches were overly fancy and the chips were the nasty homemade kind, but it was food and Dean was just happy to be with Cas in the sunlight. They all crowded around an expensive glass table with an umbrella sticking out from the center and Dean pushed his chair as close as it would get to Cas. Sam and Gabe sat next to each other, talking animatedly about a book series they both enjoyed. Balthazar sat next to Gabe, studying his sandwich before taking each bite. Anna and Michael sat next to each to other, talking quietly to themselves on the other side of Balthazar which was closest to Cas.

Dean smiled at the scene, munching happily on a huge chunk of sandwich. Cas chuckled at the sight.

“You’re like a baby chipmunk,” Cas teased.

“You calling me fat?” he mumbled around his food, corking an eyebrow. Cas shook his head and leaned forward, kissing Dean’s nose with amusement.

“No, I’m calling you cute,” he corrected, causing Dean to grin contently.

“Oh, well, then thanks, babe,” he muttered and kissed his cheek.

“Hey, how about we agree to no PDA, yeah?” Anna asked, her voice mocking. Cas blushed and looked at his hands, clearly offended. Dean glared and parted his lips to snap an angry reply, but was interrupted.

“Anna,” Balthazar began, his voice laced with annoyance. “If we minded the no PDA rule every year, your whole family would consider you a nice respectable young lady, rather than a slut.” Dean chocked on a laugh and Cas nudged him in the side, but he was fighting a smirk as well. Anna’s face went red and she glowered at Balthazar balefully.

“At least I’m actually a part of the family! I belong here, unlike you, who Hester and Ureal only adopted out of obligation to a friend!” Balthazar went pale and he stood suddenly. For a moment, Dean feared he was going to crack his chair across Anna’s head, but instead, he turned and fled into the house, abandoning his food. Gabe stared at Anna in disgust.

“Beautiful, Anna, that’s just great!” he snapped, standing and striding to the door. But, just as his fingertips touched the handle, he turned back to look at her again. “You know, you’re really disgusting. Everybody in this family is aware that Balthazar feels unwanted and its really low of you to use that against him.”

“He called me a slut!” Anna protested.

“BECAUSE YOU WERE BEING AN ASS ABOUT CASTIEL AND DEAN’S RELATIONSHIP FOR NO GOD DAMN REASON, ANNA!” he shouted and then wrenched the door open, storming inside and slamming it closed behind him.

“Anna,” Michael said softly, touching her arm. “You mustn’t stoop to their level. You are better than them, don’t let it get under your skin, the things they say.” Anna sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.

“I know, I know. I’m trying. They just make it so hard to be civilized,” she grumbled. Cas glared, but didn’t say anything. Dean frowned and reached over, taking Cas’ hand and squeezing gently.

“Let’s go inside and explain to mother what happened before Balthazar and Gabriel give her the wrong idea,” Michael suggested and Anna nodded. They both stood and disappeared inside. There was a long moment of awkward silence and then Sam spoke.

“Okay, so explain to me who is related to who and how, because I’m really confused,” he pleaded in a desperate attempt to change the subject. Cas smiled.

“Anna and Michael are Naomi and Raphael’s children. Balthazar and Gabriel belong to Hester and Ureal, but Balthazar was adopted. Ureal was his god father. His real mother died giving birth to him and his father was a security guard who was shot to death during a bank robbery when Balthazar was ten,” he explained.

“That really sucks,” Sam muttered, glancing back at the house with a pained expression.

“Yeah, well, don’t show pity around him. He absolutely hates when people pity him.” Sam nodded.

“Course he does. Who doesn’t hate that?” he agreed. There was another long, awkward silence and then Dean nudged Sam’s foot under the table.

“You and Gabe seemed to have hit it off,” Dean noted and Sam grinned.

“Oh, yeah! He’s great! He likes Harry Potter, you know. And Lord of the Rings. And he didn’t laugh when I told him I wanted to be a lawyer! He’s really funny too. You’d love him,” Sam agreed, looking very energetic. Dean laughed and nodded.

“I’m sure I would,” he agreed and then Cas suddenly perked up.

“I know how to cheer everyone up!” he cried, sitting up straighter. Sam and Dean both looked over at him questioningly.

“How so?” Dean asked.

“Swimming! Everybody loves swimming! It’ll be fun!” he cried. Sam smiled widely.

“I’ll go get Balthazar and Gabe! You two head up and get changed!” he said and jumped up, sprinting into the house.

“Is swimming okay?” Cas asked, looking to Dean with a hopeful expression.

“Hmm….let me think…my sexy boyfriend…shirtless…with water dripping down his body and clinging to his hair….um, yeah, I’d say swimming is okay,” he teased, smirking at Cas. Castiel blushed and bumped his shoulder, standing and walking to the house. Dean watched for a moment, admiring, and then stood as well, following him in.

Cas was still a little embarrassed about changing in front of Dean, so he took his white swim trunks into the bathroom to change. Dean thought he was being silly, but didn’t say anything for the sake of Cas’ sanity. It was a little cold out to be swimming, but Cas had explained that it had become a sort of family tradition to swim no matter how cold it was. If you didn’t swim at least once, you’d never live it down and die a perpetual wimp. Dean changed quickly into his black swimsuit and a plain white t shirt to wear until they got down to the pool. Cas had a similar idea, leaving on his black t shirt. When he walked out, Dean couldn’t help but grin.

“What are you grinning at?” Cas asked, raising an eyebrow and Dean shook his head.

“Nothing…it’s just…we’re both wearing black and white…we match,” he pointed out and Cas looked down.

“So we do…” Dean stood and walked over, crushing Cas suddenly into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, kissing the top of Cas’ head.

“For what?” Cas wondered, confused.

“For your family not understanding and always bitching about us being together. I know it sucks, trust me, and I’d give anything to make them see our relationship the way we do.” Cas smiled and took Dean’s face in his hands.

“It doesn’t matter what they think or what they say or what they do. As long as I have you, I don’t care about their opinions. And you are the one thing they can’t take away from me. I’d never allow it,” he assured him and Dean smiled, bending forward to kiss him very lightly. Cas then pulled away and took his hand, leading him down the stairs. Sam, Gabe, and Balthazar were already outside, lounging in the patio chairs.

“Ah, the lovebirds have finally joined us,” Balthazar said, smirking up at Cas and Dean as they emerged from the house.

“Oh thank god! I was beginning to think you’d both ditched us to do the frickle frackle,” Gabe said, grinning as he leaped to his feet and waggling his eyebrows. Cas rolled his eyes and shook his head, blushing slightly.

“Gabe, you’re an idiot.”

“You love me,” he swooned dramatically, winking and marching off towards the pool. Balthazar smiled and shrugged.

“What are you gonna do about him?” he said and then followed after him without waiting for a response. Sam chuckled and stood, stretching his hands above his head and smiling.

“Your cousins are great. Well, at least Gabe and Balthazar are. Thanks for inviting me, Cas.” Castiel smiled and shrugged.

“It’s the least I could do.” With that, they all made their way to the pool. Gabe and Cas went over to the shed to grab towels for everyone and when they walked back out, Dean and Sam were pulling their shirts over their heads. It felt like one of those movie moments, with the sunlight hitting them just right and their shirts coming off in one smooth, sexy movement. Gabriel and Castiel paused, staring with wide, slightly lustful eyes.

“Dear god…,” Gabe muttered and they continued to stare, seeming unable to move. Dean said something, grinning like he thought he was a clever boy, and Sam shoved him, though he was grinning too. Dean shoved him back and soon, they were wrestling on the ground, laughing and shouting for the other to surrender.

“What are they doing?” Gabe muttered and Cas smirked.

“Showing off.”

“Well, I can’t complain. The Winchester genes are very…blessed.”

“Mmm, indeed they are.”

“I’ll bet Dean is great in bed,” Gabe sighed longingly. Cas hesitated, biting his lip and blushing.

“I…I, uh, I wouldn’t know…” Gabe blinked in surprise and looked over at him, confused and unwilling to believe what he’d just heard.

“Wait, what?!” he demanded.

“Um…we’ve not had sex yet,” Cas admitted sheepishly.

“You mean to tell me that you have this fine piece of non-virgin ass as your boyfriend and you haven’t had hot gay sex with him yet?” Cas blushed and looked away.

“Uh…no…”

“I’m ashamed to _know_ you right now, let alone be _related_ to you,” Gabe cried, horrified. Cas sighed and shook his head.

“It’s just….not like that. We’re taking it slow, doing this the right way.” Gabe snorted

“Have you at least touched each other?” he demanded, trying to find hope in his cousin.

“I mean…we make out…” Gabe threw his arm into the air in defeat and shook his head.

“I raised you better than this!” he shouted. Cas was about to respond when Dean jogged over and took a few of the towels off of Cas.

“What are we talking about?” he asked, smiling and panting as he fought to catch his breath. Gabe glowered at him.

“You have an arsenal of seductive powers under your belt, _literally_ , and you haven’t fucked Cas yet?!” Dean’s smile collapsed and his face turned tomato red. He blinked at Gabe, unable to respond.

“I’m ashamed of both of you!” he shouted and stormed over to Balthazar, dropping the towels into the chair next to him. Sam was practically dying of laughter, having to sit down and hold his stomach to keep from imploding. Dean and Cas were blushing furiously and glancing at each other shyly, trying to come up with the correct thing to say. They walked over to the pool instead of actually speaking and sat down next to each other. Cas glanced at Balthazar helplessly and Balthazar shrugged.

“I’m not even gay and I know he has a point.”

“I would have fucked Sam already if he didn’t have a girlfriend, and I’ve known him for two hours! You’ve had Dean for months now, man!” Gabe cried, glaring at Cas. “Fuck. Him.” Sam was no longer laughing, just blushing and blinking rapidly, as were Dean and Cas.

“I’m not…I don’t…,” Cas muttered, floundering as he tried to find something cohesive to say.

“I um….did he…?” Dean began, also unsure of what to say. Cas looked over to Dean, wide eyed and apologetic.

“I’m sorry, I don’t….Gabe is…”

“Its fine…I just…erm…what?” he said, staring at his hands in confusion. Balthazar chuckled and shook his head.

“Gabe, I think you’ve broken them,” he muttered, laughing again.

“Well, while you three are reloading, I’m gonna swim,” Gabe said and grabbed the sunscreen. He smeared some on his chest, shoulders, arms, and stomach and then he had Balthazar help him with his back. After he helped Balthazar and then Sam, they all got into the pool. Castiel stared thoughtfully at Dean as he watched him rub sunscreen into his arms. He reached up and gently touched the crease in Dean’s brow, smiling softly when Dean met his eyes.

“That was rude,” Dean grumbled to himself, angrily looking down. Cas took the sunscreen from him and squirted it into his hand, standing and pulling Dean up with him. He rubbed the lotion into Dean’s shoulders and smiled.

“Gabe speaks his mind, that’s all. He probably thought he was doing us a service. Try not to get too upset with him,” he pleaded and began to rub sunscreen into Dean’s chest. Dean watched his face and sighed, relaxing a little.

“I know, I know. He meant well. Everyone always means well,” he griped. Cas trailed down to his stomach and chuckled softly, leaning up to kiss his jaw lightly. Dean unclenched his teeth and smiled lightly at his boyfriend.

“Dean, you’re not really upset. You’re just embarrassed and trying to shut your feelings down with anger,” Cas explained, walking around to rub sunscreen into Dean’s back. Dean snorted.

“No I’m not,” he protested and Castiel smirked, shaking his head.

“Yes you are. And I can bet there’s more than just embarrassment there. You’re just unwilling to talk about it or admit it to yourself.” Dean’s expression went from a glare to a look of slight fear, his teeth sinking into his lower lip nervously. If he was being honest with himself, Cas was right and the feeling he was trying to compensate for was the feeling of fear. He wanted Cas, of course, but it was so much more than that. He was afraid that if he let himself that close to Cas and then something happened and Cas didn’t want him anymore…well, he was afraid after that, losing Cas would literally kill him. It was a stupid fear, but not one so easily gotten over.

Dean closed his eyes as Cas massaged the sunscreen into his back and let himself slowly relax.

“That’s what I thought,” Cas muttered and kissed his shoulder lightly. Dean turned around to face him and took the sunscreen back from him.

“Aren’t you such a clever boy,” Dean teased, applying the lotion to Cas slowly and smirking to himself. Cas grinned.

“I’m not clever, I just know you. Possibly better than anyone else who’s had the pleasure of making your acquaintance.” Dean smiled and shook his head, moving around to rub sunscreen into Castiel’s back. Cas watched Gabe tip Balthazar out of the floating chair he’d been laying across and chuckled. Sam laughed and ducked out of the way when Zar tackled Gabe for revenge.

The five of them swam for a long while, playing a multitude of different pool games and ultimately having an all-out war where every man was for himself. Balthazar wouldn’t stop teasing Gabe about his obvious crush on Sam and after Sam got over the awkwardness of it all, he began to flirt back at Gabe playfully. Cas worried that Sam would lead Gabe on, but when he talked to Gabe about it, he assured Cas that he knew Sam was completely off limits and he always would be.

“I may be gay,” he’d said. “but I’m not gonna act like some love-struck school girl. I know what I’m doing.”

Eventually, Sam, Balthazar, and Gabe went inside to shower and play video games in the basement while Dean and Cas decided to swim for a bit longer. Well, Cas ended up swimming a few laps by himself while Dean watched, lounging on one of the long chairs as he let the warm sun dry him. Dean couldn’t deny how attractive it was to watch Cas swim and, because of Gabriel’s earlier comments about their sex life, Dean’s mind seemed stuck on one, somewhat painful, urge; get Castiel’s clothes off.

He was still practically undressing Cas with his eyes when Cas hauled himself out of the water.

Cas pretended not to notice, grabbing a towel and tousling it through his hair as he made his way towards Dean. Dean sat up and crossed his legs so Cas could stretch out across the long part of the chair, his head in Dean’s lap with the towel draped around his shoulders. Dean smiled and dropped a kiss to Cas’ forehead, fingers combing through his hair. Cas smiled up at his boyfriend.

“Are you having fun so far?” he asked, reaching up and pushing Dean’s hair from his forehead. Dean smiled and leaned back in the seat, watching Cas as his fingers continued to card through his dark locks.

“Yeah, I am actually. I was a bit nervous when we first got her, but it’s not so bad. Besides, who wouldn’t enjoy watching you swim? It’s quite possibly the most attractive thing in the world.” he said with a smirk. Cas chuckled and closed his eyes, letting himself revel in the confidence the compliment gave him. He too was struggling to get images of naked-Dean off his mind ever since Gabe’s rant.

There was a long moment of silence as they both fought to contain their thoughts and then Dean finally spoke, unable to stand it any longer.

“Wanna head up the room, babe?” he asked, ignoring the way his voice hitched around the word ‘room’. Cas opened his eyes and met Dean’s eyes, noticing his strained smile. Cas simultaneously realized that Dean was nervous and that it was because he was thinking the same thing Cas himself was fantasizing about. He realized exactly what it was Dean was hoping to accomplish in their room. He smiled back and sat up, kissing him gently.

“Yeah, sounds good,” he agreed and stood, offering Dean his hand. Dean stood as well and took his hand, both of them heading for the house.

Once upstairs, they took turns showering, both stalling with their tension and anxiety. Cas finished his shower first and walked out in a pair of grey sweatpants and a black Led Zeppelin t-shirt, which belonged to Dean. Dean smiled at him, biting his lip, and headed into the bathroom hurriedly. Cas chuckled nervously and pushed his fingers through his hair, rubbing the scar at the top of his head. He stood in front of the huge, king sized bed for a the duration of Dean’s shower, staring at the slightly rumpled comforter and trying not to imagine what was about to happen. He was so engrossed in his thoughts, he didn’t hear Dean shut off the water and he still didn’t hear him when he opened the bathroom door. It was good for Dean though, because he was able to lean against the doorway and watch Cas for a while, studying him and trying to figure out exactly what to say. Cas felt the eyes on him and turned slowly, grabbing the bedpost to support himself as he took in Dean’s apparel. He, of course, was just wearing a pair of baggy black sweatpants that hung low on his waist, his torso completely exposed so that Cas could take note of his perfect six pack and deep V that disappeared into those baggy sweatpants. Cas had seen this sight a million times, but it never failed to send a jolt of desire straight through him and render his mouth completely dry.

Dean’s lips quirked up into a small, nervous smirk on one side. His gaze raked over Castiel’s body greedily, the lust in those sparkling green eyes barely concealed. Dean was about to make his move forward, when Naomi’s voice carried up the stairs.

“Castiel! Dean! Dinner is ready!” she shouted and they both jumped, cursing and whipping their heads around to make sure no one was coming through the door. Dean shot Cas a look that said ‘later’ and Cas nodded as Dean grabbed a shirt from his bag and pulled it over his head. They made their way downstairs without a word to each other.

Dinner was impossibly long and awkward. They sat next to each other and stared with increasing intensity at their plates, making a point of not talking to each other. In fact, they made a point of not talking unless spoken directly to. James, Balthazar, Sam, and Gabriel continuously shot the two boys confused frowns and suspicious glances, not understanding the tension that crackled between them. Eventually, the strain filled the room with such concentration that even the more oblivious of Castiel’s family members started to notice and they too were soon shooting confused glances in the direction of the two boys.

“You know,” Balthazar said, looking to Gabriel who sat next to him. “this is your fault. If you hadn’t of said anything at the pool, they’d be happily ignorant.” Gabe snorted.

“Well, I’m personally glad that they’ve both finally caught on to what they want. It’s about time they both accept it,” Gabe grumbled and took a rather disgruntled bite of his perfectly cooked steak. Dean and Cas glared at the two brothers, shaking their heads vigorously. This was certainly not the place to discuss it. Naomi frowned and set her utensils down.

“What _are_ you boys talking about?” she demanded.

“Nothing,” Cas and Dean said in unison, forcing pleasant smiles onto their faces. Naomi blinked in surprise at their outburst, but didn’t push it anymore, which the whole table seemed quite grateful for.

After they were all done, the children were required to help clear the table and pile the dishes into the dish washer. As they did so, Raphael spoke up.

“I thought we would all go outside and start a bonfire, perhaps make some s’mores?” he suggested with a smile. Everyone enthusiastically agreed, aside from Cas and Dean, of course.

“Actually,” Dean said, with an apologetic smile. “I’m a little worn out from the long drive and then swimming right after. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go up and sleep.” James nodded, smiling widely at him.

“Of course, Dean, that’s perfectly alright,” he assured him and Cas looked around, desperately trying to come up with a good excuse to agree.

“Um, well, I don’t wanna wake you up if I come in late, so I’ll just head up with you and read a bit before I turn in,” he offered, though he thought it was weak. Dean smiled and shrugged and, when no one in the family protested, Cas gestured for Dean to head up the stairs first. Nervously, Dean did so, playing with his hands as his thoughts reeled wildly through his mind. Cas followed, eyes locked intensely on Dean. His nerves had completely disappeared, replaced by obvious lust and eagerness and excitement. You would think it’d be the other way around, but, if you think about it, it would make sense for Cas to be more confident. He had spent most of his life knowing he was gay and preparing himself for what would happen should he ever get intimate with another guy. But, Dean hadn’t ever really been interested in guys until he’d met Castiel and hadn’t had nearly enough time to figure out how this worked. He had no idea what he was doing and it showed in his nerves. This was, however, the first time he’d been nervous before sex in quite some time.

Dean pushed open the door to their room and walked in, turning with his lips parted to say something, to stall longer. But, Cas let the door swing closed and advanced on Dean with slow, deliberate steps. Dean’s eyes went a little wide as Cas backed him into the wall.

“Cas…,” Dean said slowly, anxiety making his voice shaky. Cas smiled with hooded eyes and leaned down, pressing his lips into Dean’s neck softly. A shiver spilled down Dean’s spine and his eyes fluttered closed.

“Cas…,” he tried again, his voice just below a whisper. “I’m not sure what to do…,” he admitted, cheeks lighting up with a blush that Cas couldn’t see. Cas wouldn’t have cared, though; he was too distracted. He pressed himself closer to Dean and sucked roughly on his neck, teeth grazing across his soft skin.

“Just follow my lead,” he whispered, his breath fanning out across Dean’s flushed skin. Dean nodded, unable to speak and Cas pulled back. He smiled encouragingly at Dean and cupped the back of his neck with his hand, pulling him forward until their lips crashed together. Dean’s nervousness slowly subsided as he kissed back, arms winding around his waist and tugging him closer. Kissing Cas was second nature to Dean, something he was absolutely comfortable with. He’d done it a thousand times and when it came to this, Dean knew exactly what it was Cas liked and knew exactly what to expect from him. Their lips parted simultaneously and Cas swept his tongue inside to dance with Dean’s urgently. The kiss held all their desperation and eagerness, each emotion spilling into the opposite person and driving them on.

Cas grabbed Dean’s hands and pinned them to the wall, breaking the kiss only long enough to rip his shirt off. Once discarded to the floor, their lips were against each other again. Dean let out a small moan somewhat against his will as Cas’ fingers trailed lightly down his chest and stomach. Cas smiled into the kiss, enjoying the reaction, and hooked his fingers in Dean’s sweatpants, wrenching them down so that now all Dean had on were his black boxers which were growing increasingly tight. Dean spun them, slamming Cas back against the wall now and Cas grunted in surprise, watching Dean as he ripped Cas’ shirt off and flung it across the room thoughtlessly. Dean’s lips found Castiel’s neck and kissed roughly, fingers sliding through Cas hair and tugging softly. Cas groaned and closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the wall, partly to give Dean more access and partly because he couldn’t hold it up anymore.

Dean had just tugged Cas’ sweatpants down when Cas decided he couldn’t take it anymore, pushing Dean back until he collapsed back onto the bed. Cas climbed on top of him, their lips moving together as their hands roamed around their bodies. Cas’ hand slid down between Dean’s legs and Dean groaned, arching his back slightly. Cas palmed him through his boxers for a moment, Dean panting and his breath hitching in his throat every now and then with his eyes clenched tightly closed. Finally, Cas grabbed the hem of his boxers and dragged them down slowly. Dean seemed to take the hint and tugged Cas’ boxers down, their lips never breaking contact. Cas pulled back and kissed Dean’s forehead, panting heavily and smiling.

“Wait here,” he whispered and disappeared from Dean’s field of vision. Dean lay there, waiting in anticipation and curling his fingers into the blankets to resist relieving himself. He wanted Cas to do that, but he was growing impatient. However, he couldn’t bring himself to sit up as he stared at the ceiling and fought to catch his breath. He laughed lightly and pressed a hand to his forehead, shaking his head and closing his eyes. This was the most he’d ever been turned on and Castiel was off doing god knew what and Dean was having problems putting together any sort of thought that actually made sense. The bed suddenly shifted and dipped with added weight and Dean’s eyes flew open, locking on Cas who was climbing back on top of Dean and setting something down on the night stand.

“What’s that?” Dean asked, frowning at the foreign bottle. Cas smirked at him, seeming amused at Dean’s blatant lack of knowledge. It made Dean seem almost…innocent, though Cas knew that was not the case.

“What?” Dean demanded and Cas chuckled softly.

“Nothing, it’s just, it surprises me that you don’t know what it is…,” he muttered, hoping that it would give Dean some kind of clue. Dean frowned at him for a moment, thoughtful and confused, and then realization slowly dawned across his features, eyes widening and lips parting.

“Oh…,” he said softly. “… _oh_ …I see…,” he muttered. Cas chuckled again and dipped his head, kissing Dean’s parted lips. Dean smiled back at him through the kiss, hands coming up to tangle in Cas’ hair. Dean’s free hand trailed slowly down his back, feeling the rise and fall of his muscles which were taunt with the effort of holding himself above Dean. Cas was absolute porn, no matter what he was doing. If Dean looked with the wrong state of mind, he’d be aroused within seconds. And right then, Dean’s mind was all kinds of wrong.

Dean bit down softly on Cas’ lower lip and Cas moaned, lips moving more urgently against Dean’s for a moment before he broke the kiss to reach for the night stand. Dean’s nerves returned at full force, but he covered them by kissing Castiel’s shoulder as he reached past him. When Cas returned to look into Dean’s eyes, his own blue eyes were alight with excitement, lust, and nerves. His cheeks were bright, but Dean couldn’t be sure if he was blushing or if his skin was responding to the sudden climb in temperature. Maybe it was both.

“Ready?” Cas asked breathlessly and Dean did his best to nod, pushing the swirl of nerves back down. Cas caught it anyways and kissed Dean until his tense muscles uncoiled once again. And then, Cas reached down and slowly inserted a finger into Dean. Dean groaned and dragged his nails down Cas’ back, causing Cas to groan as well, back tensing. Cas pushed a second finger in, pumping into him slowly and stretching Dean, all the while listening to his erotic moans with great pleasure. His lips trailed down to Dean’s neck to kiss him roughly, sucking on his skin and occasionally nipping lightly at the skin to hear Dean gasp. Slowly, after teasing him for quite some time, Cas pulled his fingers out of Dean and moved them to curl in the blankets. Dean let out a tiny whimpering noise, seemingly against his will, at the sudden lack of Cas, but Cas silenced him with by pressing their lips together again. As he distracted Dean with the kiss, he let his erection slide into him.

Dean gasped and arched his back and Cas smirked.

“Fuck…,” Dean whispered, the first time he’d spoken for a while. His voice was rough and gravelly and it made Cas shiver hard. Once Dean had acclimated to having Cas inside him, Cas began to grind slowly, his lips moving against Dean’s in perfect synchronization. Cas propped himself up on one arm again and moved his hand down to grip Dean’s shaft lightly, but firmly. Dean let out yet another deep, throaty moan and dug his nails into Cas, pressing him closer and bucking his hips. Cas let his thumb run lightly over the tip of Dean’s erection, covering it in pre-cum, and then he began to pump slowly, Dean’s eyes fluttering closed once again. Cas continued to grind against him, kissing him roughly and his hand picking up speed. They were both moaning and panting as they felt the climax building up inside them.

“Cas…,” Dean panted, fingers curled into his hair tightly. “I…I’m close…” Cas grinned and moved his lips to brush lightly against Dean’s ear as he spoke.

“Go ahead, baby,” he whispered, his voice low and seductive and sending tremors down Dean’s body. “Cum for me…” Dean let out a final sound somewhere between and moan and a gasp, his back arching as he came all over Cas’ hand. Cas groaned and followed suit, coming into Dean with one last thrust.

Panting heavily, Cas collapsed on the bed next to Dean and closed his eyes, smiling lazily. Dean closed his eyes as well and found Cas’ hand, curling their fingers together. There was a long moment of silence and then Cas rolled over to his side, laying a hand on Dean’s chest and propping himself up on one arm as he studied Dean’s face.

“What?” Dean asked, his voice a little rough. He was smirking though and his half open, half closed eyes glittered with amusement. Cas smiled and lifted a shoulder.

“I dunno…,” he admitted, continuing to gaze at him with an awed expression. “I guess it’s just that I’ve never seen you so…vulnerable before, so open and raw. It was…nice.” Dean let a lazy grin walk across his face and sat up slightly, just enough to plant a sloppy kiss to Cas’ lips. Cas smiled and willingly kissed back.

“Well,” Dean began, laying back down on the bed. “I’ve never seen you so dominant before. I was really expecting that to be me, but it turns out I was the nervous one.” Dean chuckled at the though and shrugged. “I guess it’s good for me though, because it was major turn on.” Cas grinned proudly and let his head rest against Dean’s chest.

“Are you normally the dominant type, Dean?” he wondered aloud, tracing patterns lightly into Dean’s stomach, which made him shiver.

“Yeah, normally. I was with a dominant girl once and wasn’t too keen on it. But with you…,” he let out a pleasant humming noise - which reminded Cas strangely of a purring cat – and slid his fingers through Castiel’s thick, black hair. Cas chuckled.

“I think I’d like to see dominant Dean,” he muttered, tipping his head back to smile up at Dean. Dean grinned back at him like a mischievous fox, all sharp teeth and dangerous glint.

“Oh yeah? When would you like to see that?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. Cas smirked back, blushing a little.

“How about now?” he asked and Dean laughed, kissing him and rolling to hover over top of him. 


	7. The Morning After

“Dean,” a soft voice called, breaking through his nonsensical dream and tugging him to the surface of consciousness, much against his will. Dean groaned and rolled over, burying his face in his pillow and wrenching the blankets up to cover his head. His bed seemed abnormally comfortable this morning, making Dean feel like he was laying on a fluffy cloud.

“Dean,” the voice said again, pleasant and gentle and slightly amused. “Baby, it’s time to get up.” The blanket was pulled down so that now only his lower half was covered and sunlight spilled onto his face. He moaned again and rolled away from the voice.

“One more hour,” he grumbled, his voice gruff like it always was in the morning. Tender fingers brushed lightly down his spine and someone kissed the back of his head gently.

“Baby, please. They’ll start to wonder if we don’t go down for breakfast soon,” the voice crooned and this time, Dean recognized it as his boyfriend, Castiel. After that, two more things became aware to him. The first, was that he was naked. The second, was that it was because he and Cas had, had sex the night before. Three times. Dean smiled lazily, not quite opening his eyes, as he rolled over and wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist, tugging him closer. He buried his face in Cas’ hair and inhaled deeply, letting Cas’ distinct, angelic scent fill his senses with a sigh.

“Mornin’,” he slurred, dropping a sloppy kiss to the top of his head. Cas laughed softly and draped his arms around Dean, unable to resist.

“Good morning,” Cas said softly and leaned his head back to brush a kiss along Dean’s jaw.

“How’d ya sleep?” Dean asked, eyes drifting closed again as Cas’ lips brushed his skin.

“That’s the best I’ve slept in quite a long time,” Cas admitted and snuggled into Dean, burying his face in Dean’s chest. “How did you sleep?”

“Like a baby,” Dean murmured, his voice thick and slurring.

“Hey,” Cas said, leaning back to look at him and pinching his ribs lightly. “No going back to sleep. I can smell breakfast and I’m starving.” Dean grunted, shifting away from Cas’ hand and scowled down at him.

“Then go without me. I need sleep. What time is it anyways?”

“It’s almost 9:30 and I refuse to go anywhere without you, so get up,” Cas ordered, sitting up. Dean groaned, but shifted into an upright position, his back leaning against the headboard of the bed. He watched with amusement as Cas clambered out of the bed and grabbed a fresh pair of boxers from his suitcase. A pair of snuggly fitting dark denim jeans and a dark blue button down shirt with quarter length sleeves followed soon after the boxers and then he was heading into the bathroom to run a brush through his hair. Dean never understood why Cas even bothered with his hair; it always refused to cooperate and only ended up frustrating Cas. But, Dean found it attractive despite its inability to do anything except remain in a sexy, but tousled heap on Castiel’s head.

“It’s sex hair; messy, but attractive in every way,” Dean had once told him. Cas had stayed the night at his house and was fumbling to get ready the next morning, fussing with his dark locks for longer than Dean saw necessary.

A moment later, Cas reemerged from the bathroom, his hair only slightly less chaotic than before he went in. He looked absolutely tantalizing, though Dean would have preferred him in the bed, without clothes, cuddling up against him. However, Cas was in his usual grumpy state, having not had his coffee yet, and grabbed the blankets, wrenching them down so Dean’s entire lower half was exposed to the chilly room. Dean pouted and scrambled for the covers, but Cas continued to pull them back.

“Deeeaaaaannnn…,” Cas whined, staring at him with wide, pleading blue eyes. “I’m hungry and I want coffee! Please get up!” Dean grunted, but swung his legs out of bed.

“Fine, fine,” he grumbled, tugging on boxers, jeans, and a black plaid button down open over a plain white shirt. He stuffed his feet into his heavy brown boots and stood, combing his fingers through his hair, but not otherwise worrying about it. Cas smiled gratefully at him as Dean walked towards him where he stood in the doorway. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist and pulled him close. Dean couldn’t help but to smile, circling his arms around Cas’ neck and leaning down to kiss him deeply.

“You know,” Cas muttered as he pulled back from the kiss, reaching up to push some of Dean’s hair off his forehead. “Your brother and my cousins are going to know what we did last night.” Dean smirked, brushing his fingers across the hickie on the side of Castiel’s neck.

“Hmm…well, this may strike you as a little funny, but I’m finding I don’t care who knows. Hell, why don’t we go down there and just straight out tell everyone I took your virginity?” he asked, that foxlike grin taking over his features. Cas chuckled and kissed him shortly, smirking as he grabbed one of Dean’s hands and pulled back. Dean let his other hand drop and allowed Cas to lead him towards the stairs.

“I think that’s probably not the best idea,” Cas said with a smirk and Dean flashed his wolfish grin, squeezing Cas’ hand.

But, as they entered the kitchen, Dean’s easy confidence seemed to evaporate right before Castiel’s eyes. The adults, thankfully, weren’t in the kitchen – they didn’t even appear to be in the house – but, their children were all there, including Sammy. Gabe stood in front of the stove, watching them with a raised eyebrow and a huge spatula in hand. Sam sat on the island in the center of the kitchen, facing Gabe, though he was slightly turned so that he could smirk at Dean. Balthazar leaned lazily against the counter next to the stove, studying his phone and generally ignoring the rest of the room. Gabe slapped his arm with the back of his spatula and Zar let his eyes roll up to look at him, seeming a bit annoyed. Gabe smiled cheekily at him and jerked his head towards Cas and Dean who stood awkwardly in the doorway of the kitchen. Balthazar glanced at them and a huge grin spread across his features, making his eyes crinkle up around the corners. Anna and Michael sat at the kitchen table, looking neat and pretty in their pajamas which closely resembled pants suits. They eyed the couple with varying degrees of disgust. Dean felt his cheeks light up with color and glanced at Cas to see that he was also blushing.

“They did it,” Balthazar said, still grinning like an idiot.

“I knew you’d see it my way boys!” Gabe cried triumphantly. He then glanced at Balthazar, his grin turning mischievous. “How many times do you think they went at it?” It sounded very much like a bet.

“I’d say…hmm…four times?” Sam wrinkled his nose.

“Ew, guys, seriously, that’s my brother!” he protested, throwing a dish rag at Gabe. Gabe laughed and caught it easily.

“I’m going with three,” Gabe stated, ignoring Sam’s nasty, but playful, glare. Cas glowered and released Dean’s hand, stalking into the kitchen darkly. Dean folded his arms and leaned against the doorway, looking awkward and distant as his eyes followed Cas through the kitchen. Cas banged around loudly as he grabbed a bowl and a box of cereal.

“You’re both ridiculous. Why does our sex life interest you so much anyways? Got some weird kink you’re keeping hidden?” he snarled, watching the cereal pour into the huge blue bowl. Balthazar and Gabe continued to ignore him.

“I’ll bet you 10 bucks,” Zar said, watching Gabe expectantly. Gabe narrowed his eyes slightly and looked back and forth between Cas and Dean curiously.

“Alright, deal.” They shook on it and then both turned to Dean with piercing stairs. Clearly, Castiel wasn’t going to divulge anything and Dean was used to bragging about who he slept with. They hoped now would be no different. Even Sam looked a little curious, but that just made Dean uncomfortable. He glanced to Cas, asking for permission, and Cas shook his head, seeming miffed that Dean would even consider it. Dean shrugged at them, smiling apologetically, though he seemed a bit relieved.

“Sorry, boys; what happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom.” He didn’t sound too sorry. Gabe snorted and Balthazar pouted. Sam took the opportunity to use his puppy eyes, but Dean was very good at ignoring it after all these years of practice. Gabe realized instantly that Dean was a lost cause and turned back to Cas.

“Come on, Cassy! We’re basically your brothers! You gotta give us all the dirty details! It’s part of the bro code!” he whined. Cas scowled venomously, realizing they wouldn’t leave either of them alone until he told them what they wanted to know.

“Three,” he growled through gritted teeth. Gabe grinned and turned back to Zar, holding out a hand and wiggling his fingers. Balthazar rolled his eyes and reached into the back pocket of his jeans, pulling out his wallet. While he handed the $10 to Gabe, he glared daggers back and forth between Dean and Cas.

“You couldn’t have gone one more round?” he snapped and Cas rolled his eyes to the ceiling, shoving the milk back into the fridge and the cereal back in the cabinet.

“You gonna eat, Dean?” Sam asked, hopping down from his seat on the island and smiling at his brother. Dean shook his head, wrenching his gaze away from Cas, and smiled tightly.

“Nah, man, I’m good,” he said, waving a hand.

“You don’t seem gay,” Anna said suddenly and Dean jumped, looking to her with wide eyes. She and Michael had been actively ignoring the conversation, but she was now staring at Dean with those piercing brown eyes.

“What?” he asked stupidly, blinking rapidly. Anna scrutinized him for a moment and then shrugged.

“Never mind,” she said and turned back to her book, scooping a spoonful of cereal into her mouth delicately. Dean continued to blink at her, until Cas broke through his reverie of confusion.

“So, what do we have planned for today?” he asked, leaning against the counter as he ate.

“Well, Anna and Michael wanted a day in without us gaywads and troublemakers,” Gabe said, causing Michael to glare at him sharply. “So, I told them the five of us would go shopping. Sound good?” Cas and Zar grinned hugely, nodding and eating their food faster, but Sam and Dean glanced at each other worriedly, forcing themselves to smile and nod. Neither of them were very big fans of shopping, though they had to do it often, because Sam was always continuing grow. The three cousins began to banter and chitchat idly, discussing which stores to go to, so Sam ambled over to Dean’s side, watching the group interact with him.

“You okay?” Sam asked. They didn’t look at each other. They never did when they were discussing emotions. It was Dean’s rule, since Sam always insisted on talking about their feelings. Dean knew Sam was right and that if he kept it all bottled up, it would only get worse and worse until he exploded and hurt someone he really cared about. Again. Dean sighed and narrowed his eyes, as though squinting through a windstorm, his face skewering up into a frown.

“I love him…,” Dean grumbled, though he managed to make it sound like a bad thing. Sam’s face scrunched up in confusion and he glanced at Dean, who refused to meet his gaze. Everyone had known Dean loved Cas, from the second week they started dating, everyone knew. Everyone that is, except for Cas and Dean themselves. Sam still didn’t know the story of how Dean had finally come out and said he loved Cas or if he even said it first. One day, Sam woke up and Dean was hanging up the phone by saying ‘I love you, talk to you later’ and the pair of them had been saying it like they were born telling each other. Neither of them got very dramatic about the event, though Sam was sure it had to have been dramatic when they’d first said it. Something huge _had_ to have happened or Dean wouldn’t have come out with it so early in the relationship.

“That doesn’t explain you going all distant?” Sam protested. Dean’s frown deepened.

“Sam, I’m not a…good person. Please don’t argue,” he snapped, glancing at Sam only long enough for him to see that Dean meant it. “You know it’s true and maybe Cas doesn’t see it, but someday, he will….and I’ll lose him. Before we had sex, I think I could have lived with that. I mean, it would have hurt like hell and it woulda taken awhile, but I would have eventually been okay. But, now….now, I’ve given him everything. I’ve been vulnerable in front of him. He has all of me now, he knows every secret, seen every flaw. If I lose him now, it _will_ kill me, Sammy….it’ll kill me…” Dean finally glanced up at Sam, looking helpless and not realizing he’d said it loud enough for the whole kitchen to have heard him. Sam glanced away from Dean, signaling to him that the whole room was staring, and Dean looked down at his shoes with a blush, blinking back the tears in his eyes furiously.

“Dean Winchester,” Cas said sternly and Dean flinched, not looking up. Cas stepped forward, scowling, and took his chin a bit roughly, lifting it up so Dean had to meet his eyes. “You are _not_ a bad person. How many times do I have to tell you that? And how many times do I have to tell you, I’m not going anywhere, dammit!” Dean sighed and leaned down, bumping their foreheads together lightly.

“Babe…,” he murmured softly, cupping the back of Cas’ neck to keep him from moving away.

“Don’t argue with me,” Cas muttered back, resting both hands on Dean’s chest. “I’m gonna be right here, always.”

Suddenly, Dean felt that age old question stirring around in his chest. Over the last few weeks, the question would occasionally bash against the sides of his heart, trying desperately to escape during moments of intimacy and raw emotion. Dean always managed to swallow it down, as he did now, but it left a painful lump in his throat, nonetheless. To hide his expression, fearing Cas would read right through him, he ducked his head and pressed their lips together. They shared a passionate kiss in the doorway until Balthazar threw a rag at the back of Castiel’s head.

“Oi, lovebirds!” Zar interrupted and they broke apart reluctantly. “Let’s go shopping, before Anna and Michael have brain aneurisms.” Dean kinda hoped they would, then immediately felt bad, because they were Castiel’s family, despite how awfully they treated him. Cas smirked, unaware of Dean’s dark thoughts, and slipped his hand into Dean’s, squeezing his palm gently. Dean smiled back at him and kissed his forehead softly before following Gabe, Zar, and Sam to the door.

Shopping turned out to be a lot more fun than either of the Winchester boys had originally expected. They drove into the city and walked through the outlet mall, peering into windows to see if there was anything interesting in there before deciding whether or not to go in. Gabe, Balthazar, and Cas didn’t buy things often, but when they did, it was only items they absolutely adored with every part of them. Or, sometimes, it was items they caught one of the brothers looking at.

Sam disappeared from the group for a while and they spent a few minutes running around, looking for him, until Dean admitted he’d probably be at a bookstore. Once they got there, they found Sam sitting on the floor in one of the isles, reading a book with deep concentration. Gabe kissed his cheek to get his attention, which made him jump sky high, and then he laughed nervously. The boys tried to convince Sam to buy the book, but he insisted it was too much, which only sent Dean into his quiet, brooding place. He hated not having enough money to get Sammy all the things he wanted, but it was what it was. Gabe ended up sneaking back to the store and buying the book for him.

Later that day, Dean broke away from the group with a look of awe. Frowning, the gang followed him into a weapons store, and Dean stared at a bow and arrow kit with longing while the others ambled around and studied the weapons. Sam was more than excited, bouncing around and rambling off the complicated names of the types of guns that hung on the wall while Gabe pretended to be interested. Cas watched Dean with a pained expression as he reached up and touched the sleek, silver bow with a tender caress. He stepped up behind Dean and slipped his arm around his waist, resting his chin on Dean’s shoulder and studying the price tag. A moment later, an argument about whether Dean should let Cas buy him the bow commenced, but the others refused to pitch in their opinions, for fear of getting on the other’s bad side. Eventually, Cas said he wouldn’t kiss him for the rest of the trip, and, when Dean realized he was serious, he finally caved. Though, he pouted the rest of the day. Cas felt triumphant anyways.

Towards the end of the day, as the sun began to set, Dean and Cas trailed behind the others, holding hands and smiling contently. Gabe was getting a ride on Sam’s back, having already fallen asleep against his shoulder, and Sam and Zar talked quietly about idle things. Cas sighed and looked to Dean.

“I love you,” he whispered and Dean looked back over at him, smiling hugely and leaning in to press a sloppy kiss to his cheek.

“And I love you too, baby,” he muttered happily, squeezing his hand.

“I’m sorry about arguing over the bow,” Cas started, looking down at his feet. “I just like for you to let me take care of you every once and a while.” Dean sighed and released his hand so he could wrap his arm around Cas’ shoulder and pull him closer to him.

“I appreciate that, Cas, I really do. Don’t think for a second that I don’t love that you like to take care of me. But, I don’t need you to. It’s _my_ job to take care of _you_.” Cas frowned in disagreement and shook his head.

“No. It’s _our_ job to take care of _each other_ ,” he protested and Dean thought on that for a moment, watching the sun set on the horizon as they headed for the car.

“Castiel…,” he said slowly. Cas couldn’t remember the last time Dean had said his full name in such a serious tone, if ever. It scared him a little and he felt his heart start to pound. Maybe he’d pushed him too hard. Dean smirked and pulled Cas to a stop, leaning against the wall of one of the stores and wrapping his arms around Cas’ waist to tug him close.

“Calm down, I’m not breaking up with you. Didn’t you hear me being melodramatic in the kitchen this morning?” Cas smiled with embarrassment and looked town, but Dean tucked a finger under his chin and tilted his head back so their eyes met, taking a deep breath. His eyes were suddenly serious again. Dean dropped his hand and laced his fingers through Castiel’s. “I’m just….I’m trying to be serious, because what I’m about to say is kinda….heavy….and I know I don’t normally do this, so I don’t want you to think that I’m messing with you. I mean what I’m about to say, Cas, with all my heart.” Cas stared at him, wide eyed and expectant.

“Okay, Dean, I get it. Just spit it out already.” Dean took another deep breath and met Cas’ eyes sheepishly.

“I know that…we’re really young and that we’ve got a whole lot of life ahead of us. I know there are a million other people in the world and that we haven’t even experienced half of our lives, but I am….I am completely certain that there is no one else in the world that I will ever want to spend the rest of my life with other than you.” Cas gasped, eyes going impossibly wide, and Dean rushed on. “I’m not purposing. I won’t do that until after high school, but I want you to know that I plan to. One day, when I’m ready, when you’re ready, when I’ve talked to your father, I’m going to ask you to marry me, Castiel Novak. That is my promise,” he whispered softly. Cas’ vision swam with his tears of happiness and he laughed, grinning as he lurched forward and pressed his lips against Dean’s. Dean smiled back and wrapped his arms back around Cas’ waist, lifting him up and kissing him back fervently.

“Hey, lovebirds!” Zar called, cupping his hands around his mouth so his voice would carry. “Let’s get a move on! We’ll be late for dinner!” Cas and Dean broke apart and gripped each other’s hands tightly, smiling as they rejoiced in their new revelation.

+++

That night, a few minutes before midnight, Dean and Cas lay tangled together on the bed, clothes discarded all around the room. Cas rested his head on Dean’s chest and Dean hummed softly, tracing senseless patterns very lightly into Cas’ shoulder. Cas smiled to himself, enjoying the feeling of being close to his boyfriend and listening to him hum. Cas had never been a good singer, but he’d always wished he was. Gauging by the sound of Dean’s humming, he was pretty good, though Cas had never heard him truly sing. Cas closed his eyes and took a deep breath, taking a leap of faith.

“Dean?” he muttered softly and Dean opened his eyes, smiling lazily down at Cas.

“Yeah babe?” he asked, rubbing his shoulder soothingly.

“Will you sing to me?” Cas asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Dean froze for a moment, making Cas’ heart pound, and then moved his hands to play with Castiel’s hair.

“S-sure….,” he agreed uncertainly. He wanted to say no, because he’d never sung in front of anyone before, except in the car with the music turned up so loud no one could hear him. But, he would do anything Cas wanted to make him happy, so he agreed anyways. “What would you like me to sing?” Cas thought for a moment and tilted his head back to meet Dean’s piercing green gaze.

“The End of All Things by Panic! At the Disco?” he asked hesitantly. Dean wasn’t exactly a huge fan of the band – he was more into oldies – but he knew the song well, because it was one of Castiel’s favorites. When he’d first heard the song, he’d listened to on repeat for five days straight and still listened to it at least once or twice a week now.

“Uh…okay…just give me a second,” he muttered and took a deep breath, thinking through the song to make sure he had all the lyrics memorized correctly before he opened his mouth and sung. As he drifted through the lyrics, the both of them realized just how accurate it was for how they felt for each other and Cas found tears brimming in his deep blue eyes before he knew it.

“Whether near or far  
I am always yours  
Any change in time  
We are young again  
  
Lay us down  
We're in love  
Lay us down  
We're in love  
  
In these coming years  
Many things will change  
But the way I feel  
Will remain the same  
  
Lay us down  
We're in love   
Lay us down _  
_We’re in love”

Cas looked up at Dean again, passion shinning almost painfully across his features, and Dean stared back, his own passion simmering just beneath the surface. Cas leaned up and pressed their lips together and the passion exploded out of them both, pouring out of their lips and into the person melded against them so perfectly. Dean rolled on top of Cas, holding up most of his weight so that he didn’t crush Cas, and forced his lips apart. Cas let out a tiny moan as Dean slipped his tongue inside and his hands came up to curl into fists around Dean’s hair, tugging softly. Dean breathed heavily, groaning into the kiss gruffly, and rubbed himself against Cas slowly, letting him feel how aroused he was getting. Dean broke the kiss as Cas gasped and slowly trailed his lips down to his neck, kissing and sucking lightly. Cas dragged his nails gradually down Dean’s back, causing goosebumps to rise on Dean’s flesh with. Dean kissed down to Cas’ chest and Cas let his eyes fly open in surprise. Either Dean was teasing him or…Castiel knew exactly where this was going.

Dean’s lips continued to kiss slowly down his body and Cas felt his breathing quicken even more, his heart pounding erratically in his chest. Dean smiled against Cas’ skin and looked up at him, amusement and mischief glistening in his beautiful green eyes. He gently pushed Castiel’s legs apart and pressed his lips against his inner thigh, teasing him, dragging this out for his own enjoyment. Cas’ hands were shaking a little and he felt a tremor of anticipation rush through him. Dean let his finger drag slowly down Cas’ entire length and Cas gasped, eyes scrunching shut. And then Dean’s lips were around him. Cas let out an inhuman growl, curling his fingers into Dean’s hair once again. He felt a jolt of pleasure rush through him and moaned again, only this time, it sounded somewhat like a whine. Dean chuckled, which somehow felt amazing, and took him in deeper, sucking hard. Cas gripped the sheets with his free hand and panted, bucking his hips to encourage Dean to take in more of him. Dean did so, taking in as much of him as he could.

“D-Dean…,” he moaned, words slurred and stuttering. “I’m…I’m close…” Dean rubbed his thigh and met Castiel’s gaze, left eye dropping into a wink. Cas groaned again and a moment later, he was releasing into Dean with a gasp and rapidly blinking eyes. Dean managed to swallow most of it and sat back with a grin, using the back of his hand to wipe at his mouth. He crawled back on top of Cas and kissed him passionately, the taste of Cas lingering on his lips delightfully.

“You’re gonna be the fuckin’ death of me,” Dean growled in a low voice, nudging Cas’ head to the side so he could kiss his neck again. Cas tried to focus despite the erotic feel of Dean’s lips against his skin.

“ _I-I’m_ gonna be the death of…of _you_?” he panted, laughing breathlessly. Dean chuckled.

“Mmm, yeah, _you_. All that moaning is driving me crazy,” he said gruffly and let his lips trail back up to Cas’ own slightly swollen ones. Cas grinned into the kiss, stroking the hair at the base of Dean’s skull.

“Does moaning turn you on, Dean?” he asked, his voice rough. Dean hummed appreciatively.

“Yes,” he breathed and kissed Cas again before he could say anything. Cas kissed back eagerly and rolled them again so that he was on top now. He leaned back and let his hands trail down Dean’s body, taking him all in with a lustful, lazy smile.

“You’re so god damned beautiful, Dean,” he breathed and Dean smiled back, reaching up to brush his knuckles lightly across Castiel’s cheekbone.

“Not nearly as beautiful as you,” he whispered back and pulled him back down for another kiss. Cas let his fingertips skim tenderly down Dean’s abs again and then gripped him gently, fingers circling around Dean’s shaft. Dean sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth, which sounded much like a hiss, and his teeth bit down on Cas’ bottom lip a little roughly in response. Cas grinned wolfishly into the kiss.

“You’re turn,” he murmured, his lips brushing against Dean’s, and began to pump slowly. Dean groaned in response, digging his nails into Castiel’s back without a thought. Cas began to pump faster, kissing down to Dean’s neck roughly and a little sloppily. Dean couldn’t stop moaning and tugging on Cas’ hair and arching his back, filled with an indescribable ecstasy.

“Faster, Cas, please,” he moaned, his voice low and gravelly in a way that drove Castiel to near madness. Dean bucked his hips greedily into Cas’ hand, groaning and tilting his head back against the hot orgasm that was building up inside him. He couldn’t even find it in him to warn Cas, so far beyond being able to talk as he came into Cas hand. Cas laughed lightly, a little bit in awe, and kissed Dean’s lips lightly – once, twice, three times – before collapsing onto the bed next to him. Dean pulled Cas on top of him, wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist, and rolled, shimming down Cas’ body until his head was at his stomach while his arms remained around Cas’ stomach. He closed his eyes and snuggled into him with a content smile and satisfied sigh.

“Love you,” he slurred lazily around a yawn. Cas chuckled softly and let his fingers card idly through Dean’s hair.

“I love you too, baby,” he whispered and tucked one hand behind his head. Cas played with Dean’s hair and stared at the ceiling, thinking about how happy he was, before he finally drifted into unconsciousness where he dreamed of married life with Dean when they were in their thirties, little tiny, adopted children running around their feet and laughing.

+++

The day before James, Cas, Dean, and Sam had to leave was probably the worst day of the entire trip.

Throughout their spring break at the lake house, everything had gone relatively smoothly. The adults went out a lot and most of the time, the kids only saw them when they came for dinner. Sometimes, Anna and Michael would go out with their family to do rich people stuff, because they found it fun, but other times they went out on their own. The five of them that were left had free reign over the house. They swam most afternoons before dinner and then showered and watched movies in Balthazar’s room until one of the adults came up to call lights out.

At nine o’clock every night, Sam disappeared into his room for an hour or so to Skype with Jess or talk with her on the phone if their internet was down, which often happened. She wasn’t exactly from a rich family. During this hour, sometimes longer, Cas would diligently watch Gabe for signs of despair. It never showed itself, although Balthazar once warned Cas that he was a bit worried about Gabe.

At night, when Cas and Dean had the room to themselves, they fell into the sheets with burning lust, ripping each other’s clothes of desperately. Once they’d exhausted themselves, they would lie in each other’s arms and enjoy the other’s closeness. It was possibly the best week of either of their lives.

Of course, Naomi couldn’t leave well enough alone.

The night before they had to leave, Cas and Dean were standing in the kitchen, whispering even though the house was too big for them to wake anyone up. Cas was making himself a cup of tea and Dean was rummaging around in the fridge for a Mountain Dew. They were both only wearing their boxers and Dean kept pinching Cas’ ass just to watch him jump.

“I swear, I’m going to have a bruise, you asshole,” Cas snapped, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for his tea. Dean chuckled and finally found the Mountain Dew, grabbing a can and cracking it open. He turned to face Cas and leaned against the counter across from him.

“Oh, don’t be a baby. You’ve got scratches on your back that are _much_ worse,” Dean teased, smirking. Cas smirked back.

“Okay, I’ll give you that one. But, still, I don’t want you doing it anymore. I _will_ report you for sexual harassment,” Cas warned and Dean snorted.

“Yeah, sure ya will, Cas.”

“I will, don’t doubt me!”

“You love me too much to get me in so much trouble,” Dean protested and Cas considered this a moment before grinning and stepping forward. He wrapped his arms around Dean waist and smiled coyly up at him. Dean set his Mountain Dew down, smiling back, and wrapped his arms around Cas, leaning their foreheads together.

“Yeah, that’s true,” Cas allowed, closing his eyes. “I do love you too much to ever hurt you in anyway.”

“Mmm, I love you too, babe,” Dean hummed, leaning down further until their lips connected. The kiss was slow and soft and sweet, filled with affection and gentle passion.

And then Naomi cleared her throat at the kitchen doorway.

Cas and Dean broke apart, whirling around to look at her, eyes wide with shock.

“Naomi!” Cas cried, taking in the fact that she was still in the clothes she’d worn to go out earlier with the rest of the adults. “I thought you all had already gotten home!” Naomi’s dark eyes narrowed and she folded her arms.

“Both of you, go put some clothes on and get back down here in five minutes,” Naomi snapped and they both nodded, hurrying past her and rushing up the stairs.

“Oh god, Cas, baby, I’m so sorry,” Dean gushed, his face filled with pain as he pulled Cas into a bone crushing hug. Cas hugged back, burying his face in Dean’s chest and taking deep, shaky breaths.

“It’s okay, Dean,” he whispered. “It’s not your fault.”

“I knew we should have been more careful. I was so stupid,” he muttered and pressed his face into Cas’ hair. Cas rubbed his back soothingly.

“Baby, calm down. It’s gonna be fine. They’re just going to reprimand us and then probably make us sleep apart tonight. It’s not like they’re going to kill us or anything,” he assured him. Dean shook his head and pressed a kiss to Cas’ forehead.

“Cas, I don’t know if I can do this….if she yells at you, I don’t know what I’ll do,” Dean muttered, his voice already leaning towards dangerous territories.

“Hey,” Cas said softly, pulling back and taking Dean’s face in his hands gently. “You’re not gonna do anything. You’re just gonna stand there and nod politely when they talk to you and say ‘yes ma’am’ and ‘no sir’. You understand me? You won’t get into any more trouble because of me, Dean, I refuse.”

“Babe, I can’t promise you that. I can promise to try, but I lose control just as often as you do, remember?” Cas sighed and nodded, letting his hands drop to his side. Dean took them gently and kissed his knuckles.

“Let’s get dressed,” he said lightly and brushed a kiss to his lips before moving back to his bag. Cas sighed again and walked to his own bag, pulling on a pair of black basketball shorts and Dean’s Led Zeppelin t-shirt. Dean tugged on his sweatpants and pulled on the shirt Cas had given him the first night they’d boxed together (that had become a regular thing for them now). Gazing at each other mournfully, they hurried downstairs, reluctantly keeping themselves from holding hands for fear of angering Naomi further.

As they entered the living room, they noticed that all the adults were attending their trial, not just Naomi. James sat on the arm of one of the seats, frowning apologetically and looking helpless. Naomi stood near the fireplace, gazing dramatically into the flames, and her husband sat on the couch along with Hester and Ureal. When Cas and Dean approached, Naomi looked up and took a deep breath.

“You are aware that your behavior is unacceptable, correct?” Naomi demanded and Cas nodded, not meeting her gaze. Dean remained at his side, slightly behind him, looking like an alert body guard; eyes narrowed, body tense, gaze flickering around as though looking for potential threats. He didn’t appear to really be listening to Naomi, which made her face twist with detest.

“You are almost 18, Castiel. And Dean, you are already 18. You should be maturing by now and you should most _definitely_ know right from wrong. The fact that I found you in my kitchen in nothing aside from you undergarments is, quite frankly, appalling. But, not only were you nearly completely unclothed, you were kissing in quite an intimate manor. I can only assume why you might not have been wearing your clothes, which makes me despair entirely at what your future may hold,” Naomi barked and Dean’s eyes snapped around to glower at her.

“Ma’am, with all due respect, the fact that Cas and I had sex in no way compromises his future,” Dean argued and she glared at him disdainfully. “And you’re right; Cas _is_ almost 18. That means he’s quite old enough to make his own decisions. It’s _his_ body and he can do with it what he pleases. I’m not in charge of it, you’re not in charge of it, James isn’t in charge of it; nobody is except _Cas_. So, I’m sorry if you disapprove, but you’re really going to have to get over it.”

“Alright, if you’d like to argue about this, let’s discuss your first point to start out with,” Naomi said, her posture shifting as she folded her arms. “What do you think Castiel’s future wife is going to think when she finds out that Castiel slept with _another man_?” Anger flared, blazing ravenously through Dean’s veins, and he stepped forward to stand in front of Cas protectively. Cas grabbed his arm, trying to calm him, but it was of no use.

“Lady, you’re gonna have to get used to the fact that Cas is gay,” Dean snarled and Raphael started to stand, but Naomi waved him off. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with any sort of sexual orientation and constantly putting him down for it is doing nothing, but driving him away. I love Cas, ma’am, and if I have it may way, then I’m going to marry your nephew one day.” Naomi parted her lips to say something, but Dean held up a hand to silence her. “So, to counter your statement, his wife isn’t gonna think jack shit, because he won’t ever have one. Gay is gay is gay and nothing you say is going to change that, so stop wasting your damn breath.” Naomi recoiled in outrage.

“Young man, do you think that you’d ever be able to give him a good life. You’re going to be a poor, lower class mechanic who always smells of diesel and spoiled dreams.” Cas straightened like someone had shoved a rod up his ass and attempted to step around Dean, but Dean held out an arm to stop him.

“I can make Castiel happy without money, you ass. Money and objects won’t do anything but make you greedy and blind. I can make him happy because I love him and, as of now, I’m what he wants. And if you think for even one second there’s something wrong with being a mechanic, then I’d like you to try to take care of your car without the help of a trained professional. And another thing; I’ve never had any big fancy dreams to do something that will rake in tones of money, because ever since my mom died and my dad went AWOL, I’ve had one thing occupying my mind; make sure Sammy is safe, make sure Sammy is happy, make sure Sammy has the means to make his dreams come true. I didn’t have time for myself, I still rarely do, because Sam comes first. So, excuse me if working on cars and Cas and Sam are the only things I’m really concerned about securing in my future.” Naomi blinked at him slowly, none of the disdain having left her eyes, and shook her head.

“You will condemn him to Hell, boy,” she snarled and Dean straightened, eyes hardening further. The whole house seemed to darken around him, the flames sputtering and flapping wildly and doing nothing against the sudden chill in the air.

“Say that one more time and I will light this house on fire and watch it burn,” Dean muttered darkly.

“You wouldn’t dare…,” she hissed, eyes wide with both rage and shock and skepticism.

“Fucking. Try. Me,” he growled, stepping forward so they were toe to toe. They stared each other down for a long moment and then Dean turned, grabbing Cas’ hand and hauling him towards the stairs. He was about to head up when he turned back to Naomi.

“Also, if ‘God’ can send a person as good and kind and beautiful as Castiel Novak to Hell then screw him and his fucked up religion,” Dean snarled and then he and Cas were gone.

+++

Going back to school after spring break was perhaps the hardest thing Dean and Cas had ever had to do. In light of all the events of the past week, avoiding each other was becoming excessively harder. When they were apart, the boys might as well have been in different universe, that’s how useless they were. They couldn’t be counted on to hold a decent or lengthy conversation and they zoned out 95% of the time, each of them thinking of the other. Psychology, their only class together, was especially brutal. Being so close, but having to act indifferent was like ripping their hearts straight out of their chests. During free period after third block, they met in the empty band room. Sometimes they kissed until they were both blue in the face, sometimes they talked, sometimes they just held each other, sometimes they did all three, sometimes Cas did homework while Dean watched and listened to music. It all just depended on the mood.

Things started to fall apart fast when the lacrosse team witnessed one of their band room meetings.

At lunch that day, the lacrosse team had discussed meeting at the field during free period to practice before the championship coming up, but Dean had been busying thinking about the close call he and Cas had, had the night before. They’d been out renting a movie to watch that night and Cas was chewing on his lip in that tantalizing way as he thought, so Dean had kissed him without thinking. The door pinged open and they wrenched apart just as Tony rounded the corner. Cas and Dean had to move apart and pretend they hadn’t come there together until Tony left. Because Dean had been thinking this over, he hadn’t heard the team talk about meeting and so therefore didn’t show up. Pissed, the team had been making there towards the front of the school to look for Dean when they passed the window that looked into the band room. Just as one of the team members glanced inside, he saw Dean fly in, heading straight for Cas who was sitting in one of the seat. Hitting one of his friends, he gestured to the window and they all stopped to watch in confusion.

Cas stood to meet Dean and they collided into a tight hug just as the cheerleader sauntered up to see what the boys were staring at. They blinked in surprise and also watched. At first, the boys were just hugging tightly, but then Dean pulled back and cupped Cas’ face in a very intimate way. He smiled sweetly, soothingly, at Cas and leaned in, touching his lips to Cas. Some of the girls cooed and awed at the scene, but the lacrosse team sucked in baffled, quiet breaths and stared in shock. The kiss was soft and slow and sweet and filled with raw affection, unabashed. And then Dean pulled Cas back into a tight hug, lifting him up and setting him back down on top of his feet. They both closed their eyes and Dean began to spin in slow circles, humming the End of All Things by Panic! At the Disco, which had become their song. It was the best medicine for the both of them.

“Dean…” Cas whispered softly. “I’m scared.” The group outside the window strained to hear what they were saying. Dean’s face contorted with pain and he slid his fingers through Cas’ hair soothingly.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay. I won’t let them hurt you, baby, I promise.”

“What if they come for you?” Cas asked, his voice thick as he fought off the onslaught of tears.

“Then that will be my problem, not yours.” Cas pulled back and glared at him.

“Of course it will be my problem, Dean,” he snapped and Dean sighed, stabbing his fingers through his hair. “If they touch you, I will _destroy_ them.” His voice was menacing, close to a snarl and Dean smiled at him affectionately.

“Cas, as long as we keep this a secret, they won’t have cause to, okay? All we have to do is make it three more months and then I can kiss you wherever, whenever, however I want to.” Cas sighed and eyed him scornfully before smiling and leaning up to kiss him.

The lacrosse team didn’t stay to watch the rest of the scene unfold.

That afternoon after school, an unassuming Dean headed to the locker rooms to change before practice. Of course, his whole team was there, but they were all unnaturally silent and Dean frowned at them.

“What, did someone die?” he asked, wrenching his locker open and pulling his shirt over his head.

“Where were you today?” Tony asked, leaning against the locker next to him and folded his arms. Dean frowned and looked up from what he was doing.

“What do you mean?” he asked, confusion clear on his face.

“We agreed to meet at the field today during free period to get in some extra practice, but you never showed?” Dean’s frown, and his confusion, deepened.

“When the hell did we agree to that?” he demanded.

“During lunch.” Dean realized that the whole team was crowding around them and he shifted nervously, dread crouching in the pit of his stomach and pushing against him.

“Oh…,” he said, eyeing them warily as they pressed in on him. “I was…busy,” he muttered lamely.

“We saw you, Dean,” Tony told him, face solemn. Dean tensed, muscles coiling like springs under his skin and eyes hardening, glowering at him.

“What are you talking about?” he growled, trying to come off as intimidating and reproachful.

“The team and I, we saw you kissing Castiel Novak in the band room.” Dean’s mind was instantly reeling and he cursed, grabbing his shirt and wrenching it on as he backed away from them. They were going to beat him up. And then Cas would lose it and they’d hurt him too. He had to get out of there. His eyes flickered around, taking everyone in. They were all there, which meant none of them were after Cas. But, then the morbid, intellectual part of his brain told him just because they hadn’t sent someone from the team after Cas didn’t mean that they hadn’t sent _anyone_. His breathing picked up, erratic and heavy like he’d just done suicide runs for an hour and a half.

“I don’t…you’re wrong. You saw wrong,” he argued lamely, panic lacing around him and tightening its hold on his heart. Tony raised an incredulous eyebrow.

“Really, Dean? That’s what you’re gonna go with?” Images of Dean’s nightmares flashed through his mind like a movie real. He saw Cas lifeless and bloodied on the ground in some alleyway, blue eyes abandoned of all light and emotion. Rage and fear burned through him, red hot and as fast as lightning. He lurched forward and slammed Tony back against the lockers, much to Tony’s surprise.

“If you hurt him I will end you, Tony,” he snarled, shoving his forearm up under his chin.

“You’re not really in the position to threaten me, Dean. Trenton’s already got a text ready to send if you even lay a finger on any of us. Once it’s sent, the football team is prepared to beat the hell out of your little boyfriend. Last time I checked with them, he was at the library, right Trent?” Dean saw Trent nod from the corner of his eyes and then realized he was holding his phone, thumb hovering over the send button. Tony watched Dean’s face as it closed off, the light fading from his eyes. He looked like a walking corpse or like a patient at a psych ward that was so drugged up it couldn’t feel anymore. Dean took a slow step away from Tony, back ridged like a soldier’s and jaw locked. The only signs of emotions were his clenched fists and the tears swimming in his bright green eyes.

“What do you want from me?” he snarled, but his voice was as empty as his face.

“Break up with him.” Tony said harshly. “Never speak to him again and remain on the team. We can’t win the championship without you.” Dean’s legs suddenly gave way beneath him and he collapsed to his knees, his head dropping to his hands in defeat.

“Fine,” he rasped through the sudden tightness in his throat. He felt like his world was slowly coming apart at the seams, ripping and tearing at him in the way that hurt like nothing else he’d felt in his life. It hurt as much as losing his mother, only in an entirely different way. It was like another hole was yawning open inside him and connecting with the hole where his mother had once been until his soul was gaping and raw. He felt empty, desolate, alone. He felt like death and torment and pain. His whole body was aching now and his stomach roiled uncomfortably, bile climbing up his throat and tears burning in his eyes. His temples throbbed with the pain of pressing his hands into them hard, trying to distract from the ache in his heart.

“Text him, tell him it’s over,” Tony said, seemingly unaware of the storm inside Dean that was gradually killing him. Dean was suddenly on his feet, rage back in his eyes.

“No. I won’t do it like that,” he snapped. “I’ll already be hurting him enough and neither of us will ever find closure. Let…let me do this my way,” he pleaded, the rage evaporating into a piteous expression. Tony sighed and shrugged.

“I guess that’s fine. Just after practice, okay?” Dean nodded hollowly and then they all left him. He sat down hard on the bench in the locker room and stared at his phone, letting a few tears fall onto the screen. Finally, he got up the strength to text Cas. He didn’t trust his voice enough to call him.

**Hey, babe. Meet me at the park after school?**

A moment later, Cas responded.

**Sure, angel! Are we meeting at the lake?**

**Yeah, I’ll be there asap after practice.**

**Mkay! Love you!**

**I love you too, Cas. So much.**

Dean cried the whole time he got ready and then he wiped his face and shoved his helmet on, heading out for the field. He made sure it hurt when he rammed into people during practice. He hoped they knew he was going to make sure they lost the championship.

+++

Cas got to the small lake in Lawrence Park before Dean did. He wondered why Dean had wanted to meet there and for a thrilling moment he thought Dean might mean to propose. He tried to squash the thought – he didn’t wanna get his hopes up just to have them dashed down again – but it wasn’t easy. He tried to calm himself down with the reminder that Dean probably wanted to wait until after graduation, when they were safe from the threat of his team. That sunk his mood and he sighed, sitting in the grass and watching the water as he waited patiently.

Dean arrived about five minutes later, climbing the small hill that overlooked the beautiful lake and endless expanse of woods that stood a few yards away from the glistening water. The sun was making its descent and it was like the whole world was darkening with the knowledge of what Dean was about to. He didn’t know if he could do it and was almost tempted to text Cas instead, but he knew he couldn’t. He would do anything he could to hurt Cas as little as possible.

Taking a deep breath, Dean made his way down the hill towards the love of his life.

He came to a stop a few feet away from Cas and shoved his hands into his pockets, clearing his throat softly.

“Hey,” he murmured as Cas twisted and grinned at him. As he stood and walked towards him, Dean took the moment to admire him openly one last time. Cas was wearing a dark brown leather jacket over a grey hoodie and a white t-shirt, his jeans hugging his legs snuggly. The chilly wind toyed with his hair, tossing it in every direction just the way Dean liked it. His deep blue eyes sparkled in the fading light, glowing with the warmth of affection. Beautiful. Simply gorgeous. He was so stunning, it made Dean’s chest ache with love and longing. Dean was about to crush him and he felt ice creeping along the sides of his heart, freezing him.

And then Cas was kissing him in that desperate, hungry way of his. Heat spread through him again, like fire melting away the ice. He cupped the back of Castiel’s neck and put his other hand on his hip, drawing him closer. He squeezed his eyes shut and kissed back, deeper, ravenous. And then he forced himself to break away, panting breathlessly and leaning his forehead against Cas’. Cas laughed with bated breath.

“Wow where did that come from?” Cas asked, amusement in his voice. Dean felt the cold rising back up inside him, a sob trying to force its way out.

“I can’t do this anymore,” he whispered and he felt Cas’ breath stop. His heart shattered. He’d just broken every promise he’d made, not only to himself, but to Cas. He’d just went against his very nature, every hard wired instinct inside him. Shakily, he stepped back from Cas, feeling the absence of his angel in every part of him. He wanted to collapse or to pull Cas in and tell him he was just kidding, but he couldn’t. He had to protect Castiel Novak to his dying breath.

“Wh…what…?” Cas whispered quietly, his face frozen in a look of incomprehension.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Dean repeated and his heart broke all over again. “I…I hate this. This isn’t who I am. My dad rarely speaks to me, if the team found out they’d kick me out….it’s just….not me.” Anger flashed across Cas’ face.

“Did the team put you up to this? Did they threaten me? Did they threaten _you_?” More than anything, Dean wanted to tell him. He wanted to tell him that yes of course the team was making him do this. Why else would he be saying these awful, wretched lies? But, Tony had caught him after practice and told him he’d better just tell Cas he didn’t want him anymore, to make it easier. Dean knew it was just Tony’s way of punishing him, of making it harder and more painful to go through.

He took a deep, calming breath that didn’t do a damn thing for him.

“N-no,” he muttered, not meeting his angel’s eyes. Now he was breaking even more promises; his promise not to lie. How many would he have to destroy before this was over? “I came to this on my own. I thought about everything, for a long time, and I just can’t do this. I’m sorry, Castiel. I should never have let this go on so long.” Cas stared at him for a long time and Dean forced himself to stare back. And, because of this, he saw the exact moment Cas broke. His eyes looked traumatized and fragmented, like maybe a little bit of his sanity had fled him. Dean couldn’t take this, he couldn’t look at the pain in his face anymore. He turned, ready to flee back to his car.

“No!” Cas cried suddenly, lurching forward and grabbing his hand. Dean flinched, feeling the fire of his touch tear through him like fresh agony. He couldn’t help but to squeeze Cas’ hand, knowing it would be the last time he could. “No, Dean, you can’t! You can’t leave me! What about at the lake house, when you said losing me would kill you?!” Cas shouted frantically, grasping at anything to keep Dean with him. Dean flinched. How was he to tell Cas he was already dead?

“I was wrong,” he whispered, closing his eyes and turning his face away from Cas. “I’m sorry.” Dean moved to pull his hand away and then stopped, turning slowly to look at Cas. His blue eyes shone with tears and hurt, but he ignored it, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“Just promise me one last thing,” he begged.

“Anything,” Cas whispered, his voice dejected, his eyes dead.

“Don’t….don’t hurt yourself.”

“I…okay…”

“Thank you,” Dean murmured fervently and kissed Cas’ forehead, leaving his lips there for a long time. He then wrenched his hand from Castiel’s grasp and hurried away.

Dean had just reached the top of the hill when Cas started screaming. He thought about driving off a cliff, but he went home and got drunk instead.

+++

Cas couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t see. All he could do was feel and he wished he couldn’t. It was like losing his mother all over again. He felt like a truck had slammed into him a thousand times. His legs gave way beneath him and he fell to his hands and knees. And then he started screaming and he couldn’t stop. A war of emotions spun through him like a hurricane, tossing each one at him and then sweeping it away to replace it almost instantly with another. Anger, fear, pain, confusion, rage, terror, agony, confliction. They slammed into him over and over and all he could do was keep on screaming. Tears splashed onto the ground beneath him, rolling down his face in a relentless stream. He was cold, everything was cold. Darkness wrapped around him and he didn’t care. Of course it was dark. Without Dean, there could be no light.

When he couldn’t scream anymore, he curled up on his side and wrapped his arms around himself, sobbing uncontrollably. He closed his eyes against the last of the light and began to sing, his voice breaking and heavy.

“Whether near or far  
I am always yours  
Any change in time  
We are young again  
  
Lay us down  
We're in love   
Lay us down  
We're in love   
  
In these coming years  
Many things will change  
But the way I feel  
Will remain the same  
  
Lay us down  
We're in love   
Lay us down  
We're in love.”

+++

That night, Dean was sitting at the counter in his house in the dark. He lifted a bottle of beer to his lips and took a long drink from it, finishing off the bottle. Grumbling, he staggered off of the chair and into the kitchen, tossing the bottle into the sink and rummaging around for a fresh one in the fridge. It was nearly one in the morning when his dad walked in, but it wasn’t a surprise. He always got home late from business trips.

“Dean?” his dad asked, frowning. Dean grunted in response, pulling out the beer and cracking it open. “What are you doing up so late?”

“Drinkin’,” Dean slurred, looking up at his father with blurry, bloodshot eyes as he took a drink from the new bottle of beer. John never really minded when they drank, but he’d also never seen drunk Dean before.

“What are you doing that for?” John asked, scowling and sliding onto one of the bar stools. Dean flinched and then glowered down at the bottle accusingly, wondering why it hadn’t numbed him yet. No matter how much he drank, no matter how fast he drove, no matter how loud the music was….he couldn’t drown out the pain. It was there like a cackling beast, dancing and bouncing against his skull ceaselessly.

“Broke up wif Cas,” he grumbled and leaned against the counter, knocking back more beer.

“Well, son….I know it hurts now, but–”

“If you say ‘it’s for the best’, I’ll hit you over the head with this bottle,” Dean growled, his voice clearing up a little with his rage. John blinked at him and then scowled again. If there was an award for scowling, John would have won it by now.

“Dean Winchester, don’t ever speak to me like that again, do you understand? I don’t care if you’re drunk or not.” Dean was not affected. He snorted and rolled his eyes, pushing away from the counter and stumbling past his father.

“Oh, fuck off,” he barked and John stood before he could get pass. He smacked him so hard, Dean hit the ground, bottle shattering and spewing beer everywhere. Dean laughed, pushing himself to his feet and then leaning against the counter. He looked up at his father with slightly crazed eyes.

“YOU THINK YOU CAN HURT ME ANYMORE?!?” Dean screamed, eyes bright and rage-filled. Sam heard the yelling and came tearing down the stairs. “Save your fucking energy, _John_. I can beat myself up just fine, thanks.” Dean pushed away from the counter once again and John was so shocked, he didn’t move as Dean lurched past him….and right into Sam. Sam caught him by the shoulders and Dean collapsed against him, his legs unable to hold him up for the second time that day.

“Sammy…,” he whimpered and Sam wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug.

“It’s okay, Dean, I’m here. I’ve got you. You’re gonna be okay,” Sam whispered, holding him and crying with him, loathing to see his brother in pain.

“It hurts, Sammy,” Dean groaned, clutching at him like he was eight years old again, standing in the emergency room and trying to figure out what life was worth anymore. “Everything hurts.”

“I know, man, I know. It’s gonna be okay though, soon. It’ll get better. It’s gonna be okay.”

John discreetly left the room and the two brothers just stood there, holding each other, for a long, long time.


	8. Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

James didn’t stop calling or texting. Gabe didn’t stop calling or texting. Balthazar didn’t stop calling or texting. At this point, Dean was expecting his angel’s dead mother to rise from the grave and eat his brains out. He would have deserved it, he would have welcomed it.

It had been three school days and the weekend – so five days – since Dean had seen Cas. Dean couldn’t go to school those first three days. The first morning, he was hung-over and his dad called the school to let them know he wouldn’t be coming that day. The next two days, Dean was physically sick every time he thought of seeing Cas. Literally. He would have to rush to the bathroom before he started spewing his guts all over the place. Aside from the mornings when he’d stumble into the bathroom to throw up at the thought of school, he could barely move, the pain was that unbearable.

On Saturday, he managed to drag his sorry ass out of bed, but only after he’d convinced himself that beer would help. And it would, but only a very little bit. Such a small bit, that it probably wasn’t even worth mentioning, but at that point, he would take anything he could get. As he tripped and stumbled down the steps, he heard Sam on the couch, talking on the phone.

“You know as much as I do, Gabe….yeah, I know….I’m sorry….oh! Dean’s up! I gotta go…yeah, I’ll talk to you later….you too….bye.” Sam hung up the phone and followed Dean into the kitchen.

“Hey, man, how ya feeling?” he asked. Dean let out a low, humming noise to acknowledge the question, but didn’t otherwise respond. He wrenched the fridge open and grabbed a beer from inside. Sam frowned at that, but decided not to say anything.

“That was Gabe on the phone…,” he coaxed, trying to get him to say something. Dean grunted, walking over to the counter on the other side of Sam and taking a drink.

“He says Ca–” Dean slammed his drink down on the counter so hard, some of the beer sloshed out and Sam jumped in surprise.

“ _Don’t_ say his name, Sam…..just…,” he took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes. “Just don’t…Call him angel. That’s what I do,” he whispered, the venom having melted away into pain. Sam blinked and then nodded.

“Uh, okay….Gabe says _angel_ isn’t doing too good…” Dean sighed and leaned against the counter with both hands, hanging his head and closing his eyes again. His whole body trembled and it scared Sam; he’d never seen his brother so broken before. But, he understood. He’d be just as bad if he lost Jess.

“Dammit,” Dean muttered and Sam saw a tear splash onto the counter. “How bad?” he asked weakly.

“His dad found him in the park that night, shivering and crying. He was kinda out of it, but he kept mumbling your name. James thought he might have hypothermia, so he took him to the hospital to check him out. He was fine, though, don’t worry. He just…well, he’s still in bed. He made his dad take away anything sharp, said he didn’t trust himself.” Dean shook his head and cursed again before lifting his head up again and using one hand to scrub away the tears, the other hand still planted firmly on the counter. Dean’s legs weren’t as reliable as they used to be.

“Dean, can I….can I asked what happened?” Sam murmured softly. Dean sighed and picked up his beer, heading for the living room. Sam followed in confusion and watched Dean plop down onto the sofa. Sam did the same and stared at him expectantly. Dean kept his gaze locked on the view out their window.

“The team cornered me in the locker room. They told me the football team was following…my angel and were ready to jump him if I didn’t do what they said. They wanted me to stay on the team, but break up with him….so I did.”

“Why not report the threat?!” Sam demanded.

“I can’t risk what they’d do to angel in retaliation if they got into trouble. Not only the team, but really anyone at the school. If they get in trouble and we have to forfeit the championship, they’ll blame me and most likely hurt me through angel.” Sam sighed and shook his head.

“Why didn’t you tell Ca… I mean, angel…that that’s why you’re doing this. He thinks you never loved him at all.” Dean exhaled slowly and leaned his head back against the back of the couch, taking a long drink and closing his eyes.

“Tony told me not to, Sam. Don’t you think I would have let him know that? I’m not heartless and I’m not masochistic,” he snapped. More beer down the hatch. He shouldn’t be talking about this. It was making the ache worsen.

They were both quiet for a long time before Sam finally spoke up.

“What are you going to do when you have to go back to school?” he asked softly and Dean took a deep breath, trying and failing to fill up the gaping hole inside him.

“I don’t know, Sammy….I don’t know…”

+++

On Monday, the pain was almost too much for Dean to get out of bed.

_Agony_ , he thought bitterly. _Agony is a better word for it._

But, his father had insisted that he had to go back now, so he dragged himself out of bed with a groan and stumbled into the bathroom. He regarded his reflection with cool detachment and came to the conclusion that he looked awful. His skin was ashen, barely any color lighting up his features, and there were dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. His lips were chapped and his expression dead. He tried to smile, but it turned into a grimace and he sighed, combing his hair and brushing his teeth before shuffling out of the bathroom. He rummaged around for a shirt and came out with the one his angel had given him the night they boxed. Dean sank slowly to his knees and lifted it to his nose, inhaling hopefully. Just as he suspected, it didn’t smell too much like him, though he thought he caught a hint of his cologne which probably came from their nights sleeping together.

Biting back the fresh tears in his eyes, he tugged the shirt on along with a pair of jeans and his heavy work boots. He grabbed his black hoodie from the wall downstairs and his back, heading out to the Impala where Sam was already waiting.

Dean’s angel wasn’t in psychology, which was both good and bad. Good, because Dean wasn’t sure if he was ready to see him yet and bad, because it made Dean worry about how he was doing and if he was okay. The entire class period, he fidgeted nervously and couldn’t stop taking deep breaths in a weak effort to calm himself. Tony shot him dubious looks, continuously glancing at his angel’s seat. Dean tried not to look at the seat himself, because it made him want to puke if he thought about it too much. He was so not ready for this.

After class, Dean tore out of there as though the room were on fire. He was halfway to his next class when he saw his angel moving down the hallway with a pink tardy slip gripped in his frail looking hands. He looked worse than Dean with bags under half-lidded, bloodshot eyes, rumpled clothing, messier than normal hair, pale skin, and baggy clothing. Dean guessed it made sense that his angel was worse off. He was, in fact, under the impression that Dean didn’t love him, nor had he ever and that had to be the worst pain in the world. If their situations were reversed, Dean didn’t know if he would have been strong enough to make it to school yet.

And then Dean felt the bile rising in his throat and he turned on his heels, tearing down the hallway to the nearest bathroom. He shoved open the nearest empty bathroom and let his backpack drop, falling to his knees and leaning over the toilet. That’s when his breakfast made its second appearance of the morning.

When he was finished, Dean leaned back on his heels, panting heavily, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“How the fuck am I gonna do this?” he muttered.

Later that day, he stared distractedly out the window during lunch, doing his best to ignore the rest of the world. He was busy running through the process of building a car in his head when a French fry smacked into his cheek. Blinking in surprise, he turned to look at Tony with a raised eyebrow. His face was otherwise disinterested.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about, Winchester?” Tony asked and he lifted a shoulder, staring back out the window dejectedly.

“You haven’t been talking to Cas, have you?” he demanded. Dean closed his eyes and counted to 17 before the nausea faded. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes.

“Don’t say his name,” he said curtly, ignoring the question and staring Tony down. Tony did weaver.

“Well? Have you?”

“No,” Dean snapped, standing so quickly his chair clattered noisily to the ground. The cafeteria went quiet and watched as Dean swept his backpack onto his shoulder angrily. “Now fuck off.”

And then he was gone, leaving long before the bell rang.

Cas watched him go with worry, feeling his chest tighten. He didn’t know what the explosion had been about, but he longed to run after his former boyfriend, he longed to comfort him and make it better. He realized that he couldn’t ever comfort Dean, because Dean didn’t love him. Flinching violently, he looked down at his untouched plate of food and blinked against the tears in his eyes. He was so tired of crying, but he couldn’t seem to stop. Under the table, he scratched his arm until the skin turned red and it started to heart. Then he remembered his promise to Dean and jerked his hand away, sitting on them to fight against the urge that almost felt like a need.

The week marched on slowly, relentlessly. The championship came, but Dean was only excited, because it was his chance for revenge. Throughout the game, he tried his very hardest to be his very worst and succeeded. The team lost by five points. He’d never been more proud. But, as he watched the team cheer in victory, Dean remembered how he’d planned to kiss his angel at the end of this very game – win or lose – and then take him home for hot, victory sex. Instead, he went home and got drunk before crying himself to sleep. Again.

Cas didn’t go to the game. Cas didn’t go anywhere except for school and only before the government required it. He knew he was worrying his family, but he couldn’t help it. He ate small meals at home in the evening, but that was it. Anything more and he was waking up from nightmares only to stumble into the bathroom so he could throw up. Gabe and Zar Skyped him every Saturday and he tried to fake bravado, but they saw right through it and he just ended up crying while they did their best to comfort him from so far away. Mostly, they were as confused as he was. They’d seen the way Dean looked at Cas, it was hard to believe it was all faked. It was impossible to believe. For them. For Cas, it made more sense than Dean loving him.

They saw each other everywhere and there seemed to be a dark cloud over both their heads. Over time, the cloud continued to grow and darken, until both boys were sure it covered the whole town by now, raining down on them no matter where they went. Both of them tried desperately to pull themselves together, to find some reason to keep fighting, but both were quickly losing hope. Dean often parked his car on the edge of the cliff and contemplated just driving off. Cas sat in front of his father’s bedroom door, back against the wall, wanting nothing more than to find his blades somewhere in there. But, both of them lived, because that’s what the other wanted, that’s what the other had asked. And also because they both knew they were being melodramatic teenagers. Sure, they were in love, but that didn’t give them a right to be thinking about suicide. There were people much worse off. They could get through this. They _would_ get through this.

But, telling themselves that didn’t make any easier and they both began to believe that the pain would never let up.

Eventually, it was resolved on the anniversary of Castiel’s mother’s death, just two weeks after high school graduation.

Cas hadn’t really been paying attention to dates. He just trudged through most days, barely paying attention, going through the motions. But, then he arrived home to a note from his father under a piece of red velvet cake, his mother’s favorite. Heart sinking and hands shaking, Cas picked up the note and read it slowly.

Dear Cas,

Your mother has been dead three years now. How strange is that. I sometimes wake up thinking I hear her singing Marilyn Monroe in the kitchen, cooking pancakes and responding to emails. Anyways, this letter was not to make you sad for her loss, but rather to make you celebrate her life. She was such a force of nature, so strong willed and determined. Much like you, Castiel. God do I see her in you. You may look like me, but you inherited your mother’s personality. She was an artist, like you, and her passion leaked into everything she did, also like you.

Addyson was the love of my life, Castiel, and I know I won’t remarry after her. There aren’t any women who could compare to your mother’s beauty, intellect, passion, and pig-headedness. All other women have always paled when stood next to your mother and for that, I will always be alone.

But, my boy, you do not have to be. I know this break up has been hard, but you must let him go, Cas. You will never be happy if you do not let him go. Your mother would want you to let him go Cas. Honor her memory and move on. I know it will be a hard and long process, but I believe you can do it, Castiel. I believe you can do anything.

I love you, son. See you after work.

                                                                                                                        Sincerely,  
                                                                                                                                 Your Father

Cas ate the cake hollowly as he red, swallowing around the lump in his throat and trying not to cry. Last year, he’d promised himself it would be the last time he cried on the anniversary of her death. But, in light of all that had happened, he didn’t know if he would make it.

Trudging back to his room, he hooked his iPod up to his dock and scrolled to the artist Marilyn Monroe, putting his mother’s favorite song by her on repeat and then climbing into bed. He sat there for a moment, rereading his father’s letter, and then the tears began. They streamed from his eyes ruthlessly, sending him into heart wrenching sobs that made his chest and shoulders heave. He whimpered his mother’s name, feeling lost and alone and angry and hurt.

It wasn’t fair. None of it was fair. He wanted his mother back. He missed her more with each passing day. He missed the way she would sing in the kitchen while she made dinner or breakfast and messed around on her computer at the same time. He missed the way she would randomly bring home gift wrapped presents saying it was the holidays whenever she wanted it to be. He missed watched her draw. He missed dancing with her on Friday nights when he was particularly sad about not having friends. He missed talking to her late at night, drinking tea and enjoying each other’s company. He missed the way she crawled into bed with him during thunderstorms when his dad was gone, because she was so scared of them. He missed her laughter, her smile, her eyes, her hair, the way her hands would comb through his hair almost like they had a mind of their own. He missed her, he missed her, and he missed her.

He also wanted nothing more than for his dad to be here. Not only because he could really use the emotional support right then, but also because he wanted to yell at him. He wanted to yell that he couldn’t say all those things about how he’d never remarry and then tell Cas to move on. How fucking hypocritical was that?! And the thing was, Cas didn’t want his father to move on or get remarried, because he knew how impossible that was! He agreed with his father, every other woman and every other man paled in comparison to his beautiful boyfriend as well as compared to his beautiful mother. Sometimes, you met a person and their soul was just so perfectly formed to match yours that there was no going back after them. There was no recovering if you lost them. His father should know that too. How could he ask Cas to move on?

Cas felt like the walls were pressing in on him. He wanted to sink into the covers and never wake up. Every bone in his body resonated with pain, every breath hurt his chest, his eyes burned, his head throbbed, his throat wouldn’t stop contracting, and the nausea in his stomach never subsided. He felt like he’d never stop crying, like the tears would just become a part of his features like freckles or scars. He wanted nothing more than to slice into his arm until it was all he could think about, all he could feel, until the blood was all he could see. But, he’d made promises to the person he loved more than life itself and he couldn’t just break them like they were nothing. Dean had saved him, done so much for him, sacrificed his time and body to keep from hurting Castiel’s feelings. He at least owed him as much as to not hurt himself.

Cas squeezed his eyes shot, sobbing harder. Horrible whining noises emitted from deep within him and he closed his eyes against the world, but was otherwise unable to move.

And then his music cut off and switched to his ring tone, vibrating against the dock. Frowning, he squinted at it, but couldn’t see the name through his tears. Sighing, he reached out for it and that’s when he realized his arm was covered in blood. Gasping in shock, he pulled his arm back to him and stared. At least 10 gashes ran horizontally across his slightly tanned skin, oozing dark red liquid. Blinking, he glanced at his other hand and saw that he was holding a pair of bloody scissors. The phone stopped ringing for a moment before it picked up again, shrill and persistent. He sniffled, taking a deep, shaky breath to calm himself, and reached out, grabbing his phone and tapping the answer button before pressing it to his ear.  

“H-Hello?” he hiccupped into the phone, staring at his arm, still astonished. He hadn’t even realized he’d done it.

“Cas! Oh thank fuck! You scared the hell outta me!” he yelled and Cas’ heart stuttered, stopped, picked up again at twice it’s normal speed, and sored into the heavens.

“D…Dean?” he asked, voice barely above whisper and filled with awe.

“Yeah, baby, it’s me. Are you okay?” Cas was about to answer that he’d never been better and then he saw his arm again and his face melted into a mask of horror.

“Oh, Dean…,” he whimpered and dropped this scissors to covers his face with his hand. “Dean, I’m so sorry….I’m so sorry….Dean…I’m sorry….I didn’t mean to….I’m sorry….,” he cried, the tears pouring again.

“What? What is it? What’s wrong? I’m coming to your house, I’ll be there in 10 minutes. Don’t move,” Dean snapped.

“O-Okay,” Cas murmured, thrilled that he was going to see Dean again, but also terrified and ashamed. The line went dead and Cas let his phone fall to the bed. He did as he was instructed and barely moved, just staring at his hand and trying to figure out what he was going to say once Dean arrived. He couldn’t believe Dean had called him. Why had Dean called him? Why was he on his way here? Why did he sound so concerned, like he actually cared about what happened to Castiel? Why had Cas cut himself in the first place? If he hadn’t cut himself, would Dean be on his way here? What would he have said if Cas had been otherwise fine? So many questions spilled through his mind and it was so overwhelming, his vision blurred and he thought he was going to pass out. Or maybe it was because he was losing a lot of blood. He couldn’t tell.

Suddenly, the door burst open and Dean stepped in, eyes flickering around the room. Cas smiled at him, blinking slowly as he suddenly felt exhausted, and then Dean saw his arm. His eyes went round with shock and he stepped slowly forward, sinking to his knees in front of Cas and taking his hand gently, staring at his arm with an unfathomable expression.

“Cas….,” he whispered, looking up at him with a hurt, pained expression. “What happened?”

“Its…it…,” he couldn’t speak. The tears were back. He held up the letter to Dean who skimmed over it quickly. His face darkened and he took a deep breath, putting the letter to the side. He stood and scooped Cas up into the marriage cradle. Castiel’s heart raced at the contact and he smiled through his tears, daring to lean his temple against Dean’s shoulder as he carried him to the bathroom. Reluctantly, Dean set Cas down on the counter and Cas reluctantly released him, his heart sinking at the absence of him. Dean got diligently to work, finding all the things he needed to fix Dean up.

Cas watched as Dean gently dabbed at his arm with a rag, mopping up the blood. There was a crease between his brow and he kept blinking rapidly and clearing his throat, which told Cas he was fighting off tears. Cas suddenly flashed to all the movies and books that made it seem romantic to cut yourself and then have your lover swoop in and rescue you. Cas would never watch those movies or read those books again, because this in no way felt romantic. For starters, it was embarrassing. He was reduced to a sobbing mess, drowning in his own insanity with blood dribbling down his arm just to prove how unstable he was. In that moment, he was not the strong and brave Castiel that Dean had fallen in love with. Or _said_ he’d fallen in love with. He was weak and petty and ignorant. Then, to top it all off, he was hurting Dean. The last thing in the world that Cas had ever wanted was to hurt Dean, but there he was, trying not to cry and looking so hurt Cas could almost taste it. Cas had promised to be strong and he’d broken that promise as though it had meant nothing. And it was made even worse by the fact that Cas knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Dean was blaming himself for the whole ordeal when, in reality, it was Castiel’s own stupid fault for not being able to keep his shit together just because _Dean had done the best he could do with the situation he’d been given_. No, this wasn’t romantic, this was wrong and painful and Cas wished with everything inside him he could take it back.

Dean tossed the rag bloodied rag into the sink and grabbed an antiseptic wipe, dabbing it against the cuts.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, suddenly. Blinking, Cas frowned at him in confusion as well as surprise.

“What for?” he asked. Dean snorted, as though Cas should know.

“For…for everything. For your mom, for leaving you, for hurting you, for putting you here.” A tear slid down Dean cheek and Cas blinked again in surprise. He took Dean’s chin gently with his free hand and tilted it up so that their eyes met.

“Don’t you dare, Dean Winchester. This isn’t your fault, this is mine. I should have been stronger. I shouldn’t have lost my mind like that. I should have even been alone today. I should have gone home with Jess like she offered and watched movies and distracted myself until Dad was home so this didn’t happen. This is not your fault, so stop,” he said sternly, giving Dean severe look. Sighing, Dean moved his head out of Castiel’s grip and looked back down at his arm, finishing up with the antiseptic wipe. Pain speared through Cas’ heart as Dean jerked away from him, but he suppressed it and watch Dean work vacantly. Dean grabbed pads of gauze and placed one over each of his cuts and then he grabbed the gauze wrap and wound it around Cas arm until it was all neatly covered. He kept in place with a strip of medical tap and then looked up at Cas. They stared into each other’s eyes for a long moment and then Dean blinked and looked away.

“Stay here,” he said softly and turned, disappearing out the door. Cas sighed and used his good arm to push his fingers through his hair and then rubbed the scar on the top of his head. When Dean returned, he was carrying a sandwich bag full of ice and a Mountain Dew. He cracked the can open and handed it to Cas, holding the ice to Cas’ injured arm.

“Drink,” he ordered and Cas complied. Anything to make Dean happy. Or…happ _ier_. There was a long moment of extended silence before Dean spoke again.

“That was the first time I said your name,” he muttered and Cas frowned.

“What?”

“That was the first time I’ve said your name since….since we….since I….,” he couldn’t continue, so he just shrugged.

“Oh…,” Cas muttered, the cloud of darkness returning as his shoulders slumped. He nodded and sipped at his soda again. Dean stared at him for an extended period of time, watching him slurp at the green liquid and watching his eyes roam around the room, looking anywhere but at him.

“You’re so fucking stupid,” he muttered suddenly and then realized it was a good thing to say, so he didn’t apologize. Cas jerked in surprise and then glanced at him, question glistening in his eyes. Dean shook his head and looked down, barking out a bitter laugh. “So fucking stupid…,” he repeated. Cas set his drink down

“Uhm….care to explain, Dean?” Dean felt a thrill go through him at hearing Cas say his name in his clear, grief-absent voice. Like old times, before tension and sorrow marred the air between them.

“You believed me so easily, like you’d been suspecting it all along. I can’t believe after all we went through, after everything I said to you, after the things I let you do to me,” a ghost of a real smile toyed with his lips before fading away again. “I can’t believe after all of that, you just accepted what I told you for the gospel truth.” Cas’ eyes narrowed and he stared at Dean.

“But….wasn’t it true?” he asked, breathless and feeling light headed all of a sudden. Dean’s eyes snapped up to look at Castiel incredulously.

“ _No_ ,” he emphasized, shaking his head again. “Of _course_ not, baby. How could you ever believe that? I told you I planned to marry you one day, didn’t I? You can’t really believe I’d ever say something like that unless I meant it. I thought you knew me better than that.” Cas’ vision blurred and swam together. First there was one Dean, then three, then one again. He blinked rapidly as his brain tried to wrap around that information.

“Then….then _why_?” Cas asked, his voice still unbelievably soft. Dean took a deep breath and scrubbed a hand over his face, looking distraught and ashamed and regretful.

“Tony and the team cornered me in the locker room. They told me they’d hurt you if I continued to date you or talk to you. Tony….is a psycho path. He wanted it to hurt as much as possible, he wanted _you_ to hurt as much as possible, so he told me I had to make you believe I didn’t want you. But, Cas, every day was a torment without you. I was too sick to get out of bed for three day, unless it was to throw up in the mornings, because I was afraid to see you. I couldn’t say, think, or hear your name without getting nauseous. The first day back at school, when I saw you in the halls, I had to run to the bathroom to be sick. I dreamt about you every night, everything reminded me of you, I got drunk whenever I could manage it because it was the only thing that helped and even then it still hurt. Cas….Cas I love you. How could you ever think I didn’t?” he wondered, meeting his eyes with an apologetic and hurt expression. Cas was feeling dizzy watching the room spin. And suddenly, he was toppling sideways.

“Whoa!” Dean cried, lurching forward to catch him. He slipped a hand under Castiel’s arm and came up to cup the back of his head. His other hand pressed down lightly against his thigh to help steady him. “Cas? Angel, are you okay?” he asked frantically.

“I….yes. I’m just feeling a little faint,” he mumbled, trying to blink the blurriness from his eyes. Dean sighed and pulled Cas forward until their forehead touched.

“I missed you so much, you stupid, perfect angel,” Dean grumbled, closing his eyes. Cas closed his eyes as well, which heled with the dizziness, and reached up to cup the back of Dean’s neck so he couldn’t move away.

“I missed you too, babe,” Cas murmured back.

“So you don’t hate me for being a douchebag?” Dean asked hesitantly, leaning back despite Cas’ protest so he could see his face. Cas shook his head.

“I could never hate you, Dean. I spent the last few months in agony without you. I’d rather die than lose you again.” Dean smiled.

“You won’t have to, angel. I’m not going anywhere ever again,” he vowed, pressing his lips softly into Cas’ forehead. He then scooped him up into his arms again and walked him back to his room, laying him down on the bed and kneeling next to him. Cas rolled his eyes and scooted over.

“Lay with me,” he said, smirking at Dean who smiled back and clambered under the covers. Cas snuggled into him again and reached up, brushing a hesitant kiss to his jaw, still unsure of where they stood. Dean shuddered. He’d forgotten the way fire ripped through his stomach every time Cas touched him, especially with his lips.

They lay together in silence for a long time before Cas interrupted the peace.

“Dean….why did you call in the first place?” he wondered and Dean traced idle patterns into his skin, gazing thoughtfully at the ceiling. Dean was having trouble putting together a coherent thought with Cas in his arms though. The relief that was coursing through him would have brought him to his knees had he been standing. He was surprised he’d remained upright when cleaning Cas’ wounds.

“I….well, I’d just realized something I should have realized much, much sooner. We’re graduated now and our entire class will be dispersing to their colleges of choice; including us and the people who want to hurt you. I didn’t see a reason I couldn’t be with you again, unless, of course, you hated me now or had moved on. I was calling to see if you’d be would have been willing to meet me at our star gazing field.” Cas smiled and snuggled closer to him.

“I would have said yes,” he assured him and Dean grinned.

“Good, I was a little worried,” he admitted and combed his fingers through Cas’ hair. Cas’ heart fluttered and the butterflies beat ravenously against him. God had he missed this.

“Cas…,” Dean said softly after another extended moment of silence.

“Hmm?” he asked lazily, eyes closed.

“I would like to kiss you now, if you’re not too tired and if it’s not too soon?” Cas smiled and opened his eyes, looking up at Dean.

“You can do whatever you like to me,” Cas said in a low voice. Dean grinned and leaned down, pressing their lips eagerly together. Cas kissed back enthusiastically, shifting closer, and Dean almost immediately groaned in pleasure, sliding his tongue along Castiel’s low lip until his lips parted. He slid his fingers through Cas’ thick, dark hair and tugged him closer, deepening the kiss. At first, it was their slow sort of affectionate kiss. And then the air suddenly seemed charged with electricity and sexual desire. The kiss shifted and changed to one of passion and ravenous hunger. Cas rolled himself onto Dean, straddling his waist, and Dean grabbed the hem of his shirt, breaking the kiss to wrench Cas’  shirt off.

“Mmm,” Dean hummed, studying Cas’ shirtless body with lustful eyes. He ran his hands up and down Cas’ chest and stomach. “You’re so fucking sexy,” he growled and Cas grinned, leaning down and kissing him recklessly once more. Dean’s hands slid back down Cas’ body and he swiftly unbuttoned his jeans, dragging the zipper down easily. Cas shifted and helped Dean get his pants down before he resumed the kiss. Cas groaned into the kiss and then leaned back, pulling Dean into a sitting position so he could tear his shirt off. Cas studied him a moment and then pushed him back down and kissed all over his body, making Dean grin.

“I love you,” Cas breathed, kissing his chest. “Dammit, I love you so much.” He kissed Dean’s lips deeply and Dean kissed back with equal fervency.

“I love you too, angel. I love you too,” Dean assured him and then Cas was unbuttoning his jeans and dragging them down. He groaned loudly when Cas rubbed his growing erection and tilted his head back, leaving his neck exposed and tempting. Smiling, Cas kissed his neck roughly and continued to rub Dean until he was begging Cas for more.

“Please, baby, please,” he panted, fingers curled in Castiel’s hair. Grinning, Cas pulled his boxers off and gripped him gently. Dean groaned again, bucking his hips in a wordless, desperate plea for more. Cas began to pump slowly and moved his lips back up to Dean’s where they kissed passionately.

“Faster, baby,” Dean gasped between kisses and Cas complied willingly, pumping his arm more quickly. Dean bucked his hips into Cas’ thrusts, needing more, and let another moan spill out. Cas bit down on his lower lip, which only made him moan louder, and continued to pump with slowly increasing speed.

“Cas!” Dean cried, his voice nearing a frantic whine. Cas grinned into the kiss, loving the way he could make Dean fall apart, and leaned over so his lips could brush against Dean’s ear as he whispers softly;

“Cum for me, baby. Let go.” With a final, erotic groan, Dean came all over himself and Cas, head tilted back and eyes closed in ecstasy.

“Fuck…,” he breathed and opened his eyes, gazing at Cas in awe. “That was amazing.” Cas smiled back and kissed him again.

“ _You_ were amazing. I love to hear you moan,” Cas gushed, cheeks flushed with the sudden temperature spike. Dean grinned and rolled them so that he hovered over Cas, arms supporting most of his weight on either side of Cas. Cas smiled up at him expectantly and Dean grabbed his boxers, dragging them down. Cas sucked in a sharp breath as the cold hit him and Dean’s hand brushed against him. Dean’s smile turned mischievous as he began to kiss his way slowly down Cas’ body. Humming with appreciation at what was about to happen, Cas closed his eyes and ran his fingers through Dean’s short, dirty blonde hair. Dean kissed all the way down the length of his shaft, making Cas whine softly, and licked the pre-cum lightly off the tip. He admired Cas for a moment and then glanced up at him a winked, making Cas flush with excitement. Dean then took Cas slowly into his mouth.

Cas groaned loudly, throwing his head back and clenching his hands into fists around the bed sheets. Dean’s tongue swirled around his tip and his cheeks hallowed out as he sucked hard, enjoying the way he made Cas writhe. He’d forgotten how amazing it felt to make Cas groan and squirm in pleasure. He’d forgotten what it was liked to be please by Cas. He’d forgotten a lot of things he never should have. But, it made the experience just as arousing as the first time, if not more. He took as much of Cas into him as possible, deep throating him and humming softly, which made Cas lose his shit. His hands clenching into Dean’s hair and tugging roughly. Dean moaned as well and Cas arched his back at the feel of the vibrations against him.

“Dean…,” he gasped. “I-I’m close!” Dean rubbed his thigh encouragingly and sucked harder. A moment later, Cas was releasing into him, moaning so loudly it was almost a scream. Smiling, Dean swallowed every drop and then crawled back up Cas’ body. They shared a long, sloppy kiss and then Dean collapsed beside him, pulling Cas into side and kissing the top of his head.

“I love you, Castiel Novak,” he murmured.

“I love you too, Dean Winchester.”

They fell asleep that way and for the first time in months, neither of them had nightmares. 


	9. Epilogue; An Interesting Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has an interesting question for Castiel. And maybe a mention of Sabriel? I dunno....gotta read to see.... >:-)

A few months later, Cas and Dean were settling into college life. They were both attending the college just outside of Lawrence, so Dean and Cas were continuing to live at home, though they planned to pull their resources and rent an apartment together sometime soon. Cas was going to school to become a teacher, a lifelong dream of his, and Dean was just going to get his Bachelor’s degree, because Bobby had insisted, though he still had a job working at his garage.

Dean knew he was dragging ass with the whole apartment thing, because he wasn’t ready to leave Sam just yet. Sam pretend not to realize the fact, though he did, he just didn’t want to admit he wasn’t ready for Dean to leave either. Cas didn’t mind though, he actually found it endearing, and was more than happy to wait for when they were both ready. The fact that he had Dean was enough to keep him good and happy.

Cas was fairly certain it wouldn’t take them to be ready though. Sam was in his senior year of high school now and Gabe already had plans of marrying him as soon as they both made it to California. A month or two after Dean and Cas had gotten back together, Jess and Sam had mutually decided that they were better as friends. Gabriel hadn’t waited long to snap him up, since they’d kept in contact. They were constantly texting and Skyped each other nearly every night. 

Now, a month or so into their first semester of college, Dean had decided it was time. Now, he just had to figure out exactly how to go about this. After Dean told Sam what he was planning, they stayed up late into the night discussing different strategies. If Dean was being honest with himself, he sucked at this kind of stuff and might as well just give up, but he couldn’t. He wanted this to be special, perfect. He needed it to be. After everything, that’s what he and Cas both needed.

Eventually, Dean settled on his exact plan and once it was intact, his confidence grew. The night of their one year anniversary, Dean led Cas to the car in a blindfold, helping him get in and buckled up.

“No peeking,” he warned as he started the car and pulled out.

“Where are we going?” Cas asked excitedly, practically bouncing in his seat with excitement.

“You’ll see, just be patient, you child,” Dean teased and Cas swatted at him, hitting his mark perfectly.

“Hey! I said no peeking!” Dean protested and Cas laughed.

“I didn’t, I’ve just been in this Impala with you enough times to know where you’re going to be.” Dean snorted and turned the music up, lacing their fingers together and grinning hugely.

A few minutes later, he pulled to the side of the road and parked, hopping out and hurrying over to Cas’ door. He wrenched it open and helped Cas out, guiding him over to the large, checkered picnic blanket.

“Tada!” he said, ripping the blindfold off Cas’ head. Cas opened his eyes and they widened, lips parting in awe and a small smile tugging at his lips.

“Oh, Dean…,” he breathed, gazing around. The light of the Impala was trained on the picnic blanket which was crowded with all their favorite foods; cheeseburgers, French fries, beer, pecan pie, etc. Dean pats the lump in his back pocket to make sure it’s still there and grinned at his boyfriend.

“This is amazing,” Cas gushed and lurched forward, kissing him deeply. Dean kissed back, still smiling like an idiot.

“I’m glad ya like it,” he said and guided him down to the blanket, nestling him down between his legs and wrapping his arms around him from behind. They ate and chatted happily, laughing and teasing each other. Once they’d finished and talk died down, Dean smiled warmly at Cas.

“Wanna dance?” he asked and Cas grinned back at him.

“Hell yes,” he enthused and Dean helped him to his feet before leaping to his own. He walked to the Impala and opened the door of the passenger’s side before going to the driver’s side as well. He sat inside with legs hanging out and rummaged around, grabbing his Slow Song cassette and popping it. He pressed play and turned the music all the way up, standing and striding over to his boyfriend. He bowed dramatically and offered his hand to a chuckling Cas. Cas bowed back at him and then rested his hand gently in Dean’s. Grinning mischievously, Dean gripped his hand and tugged him forward until he stumbled into Dean’s arm. Cas laughed and let himself be lifted onto Dean’s fit, as per usual, as they began to turn in slow circles, just holding each other.

The first song melted to an end and, after a short pause, The End of All Things by Panic! At The Disco began to play. Taking a deep breath, Dean steeled himself for what he was about to do. It was time.

“Cas…?” he murmured softly.

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“You just did,” Cas teased and Dean pinched him lightly in this side. Cas laughed and nodded. “Yeah, go ahead babe.” Exhaling slowly, Dean set Cas back on his own feet and held him by the shoulders while he stepped back. Cas frowned at him, looking a little worried, and then Dean pulled out the tiny black, velvet box. Cas gasped, eyes widening to the size of Pluto as he watched Dean sink to one knee. Dean was blushing furiously and smiling awkwardly, a little out of his element, but determined to make this perfect. He cleared his throat and open the box, revealing a beautiful silver ring.

“Cas, I...I know that we can’t  really  get married here in Kansas, but I also know this isn’t where either of us wanna be forever and, well....I guess....I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind marrying me very much?” he mumbled, grinning as he quoted a Rocky movie which had become  their  movie since both Rocky and Castiel were boxers, and good ones. Laughing and with tears spilling from his dreamy blue eyes, Castiel nodded vigorously and tackled Dean into a bear hug. Dean laughed, tears of his own spilling down his cheeks as he crushed Cas to him. Cas pulled back just enough for their lips to meet in a long, passionate kiss. When they finally broke apart, they were both still grinning through their tears.

“I love you, Castiel Novak,” Dean whispered softly, nuzzling his nose against Cas’. Cas laughed softly and nuzzled back, eyes gleaming with happiness.

“I love you too, Dean Winchester,” he mumbled and they spent the rest of the night cuddling and watching the stars.


End file.
